If you have a coworker who seems standoffish or even rude at the office, there may be a perfectly good explanation.
I get it. Working with us introverts can sometimes be challenging because we tend to be more reserved and quiet than other people. We often seem to be in our own world and don’t always interact the way you’d expect. If you’re used to chatty, outgoing people, it can be easy to misinterpret an introvert’s behavior.
But just because someone is quiet doesn’t mean they’re being rude. In fact, there are a lot of things introverts do that seem rude but are actually just signs of their personality type. Keep reading to learn more about the hidden reasons behind some behaviors that may have you scratching your head.
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How Your Quiet Coworker May Appear Rude, But Really Isn’t
1. They wear headphones — a lot.
If you see a colleague wearing headphones at their desk, it may seem like they’re trying to tune out the world. While that may be partially true, it’s not because they’re trying to tune out you — not necessarily.
Wearing headphones is often a way of signaling that they don’t want to be disturbed. It’s their way of saying, “I’m in the middle of something, and I don’t want to talk right now.” After all, introverts excel at deep work, which requires a certain level of concentration.
It probably has nothing to do with you and is just a defense mechanism that introverts use to protect their energy and alone time. So, if you see a coworker wearing headphones, it’s best to leave them be — they’ll probably emerge from their bubble when they’re ready.
(Speaking of alone time, here’s the science behind why introverts need solitude.)
2. They show up early, stay late, or work from home.
Your quiet coworkers might feel more focused and productive when they have some time to themselves before the workday starts. The same applies to after-work hours or when working from home, where no one is around to disturb or distract them.
This behavior could be misinterpreted in two ways. Some may see it as the introvert being a go-getter, putting in extra hours to get ahead and impress the boss. Others might think the introvert is avoiding social interaction by coming in early, staying late, or choosing remote work.
In reality, both interpretations might be wrong. The truth is, some people simply need quality alone time to get their work done. It’s probably not personal and may have nothing to do with avoiding you. It’s just how they prefer to work.
3. They choose a secluded area to work.
If you’ve ever seen someone pick up their laptop and move to another spot in the office, it may have seemed a little odd. But there’s a perfectly good reason for it.
Introverts tend to work better in quiet and secluded environments. So, if they’re feeling overwhelmed or just need to get some work done, they’ll often find a more peaceful spot — like a cubicle in the back corner, outside, or at home if remote work is an option.
This behavior can be misinterpreted as the introvert not wanting to be around people. In reality, they’re probably just trying to create the best working environment for themselves. If they don’t, they may end up feeling overwhelmed and stressed because of all the noise and activity around them. And it’ll take them longer to finish projects as a result.
4. They take breaks by themselves.
When some people take a break, they use it as an opportunity to socialize and catch up with their colleagues — water cooler talk is very real. But some people do the opposite.
Instead of taking a break to chat or eat with others, introverts often use their break time to do something by themselves, like read a book, drink coffee, or even take a nap in their car. This applies to working from home as well, where they might prefer not to socialize with others in the house or schedule one-on-one meetings just to chat.
This behavior can seem rude because they don’t ask others to join them. However, it’s probably just an introvert’s way of recharging their batteries after being around people. They need some time alone to decompress and relax before going back to being social again.
Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.
5. They aren’t big on small talk.
Introverts generally don’t like small talk because it feels superficial to them — so they tend to avoid it.
This behavior can come across as impolite because it might seem like introverts don’t care about getting to know other people. But it probably isn’t like that — introverts may feel drained when they have to talk about the weather or their weekend plans.
They’d rather have an interesting or meaningful conversation about something they’re passionate about. If they can’t find anything to connect with the other person on, they might stay silent.
So if you want to get your quiet coworker to open up, it’s best to limit small talk and instead find something more interesting to talk about. This doesn’t mean you have to ask them about the meaning of life or their childhood traumas. Instead, ask them about their hobbies, what they’re reading or watching, or anything else you know they’re interested in. You might be surprised at how much they have to say once you get them talking about something they care about.
6. They might be reluctant to discuss their personal lives.
Has this ever happened to you? You try to strike up a conversation with your coworker about their personal life, but they’re not exactly forthcoming with information. They give one-word answers or change the subject entirely.
Don’t take this as your quiet coworker being rude. It’s likely not that they don’t want to share; they’re just selective when it comes to opening up to others. Introverts generally only share personal information with people they trust and feel comfortable with — people they know very well.
Take the time to build a genuine connection with your quiet coworker before expecting them to share anything personal with you. Ask about their interests, listen actively, and show that you value their perspective. As you build trust, you’ll probably find that they’re more willing to open up.
7. They might skip social events.
While it may seem impolite, your quiet coworkers might skip social events, like an after-work happy hour, or only stay for a short time. They might do this even when the gathering is with people they know and like. At the end of a long workday, introverts often feel drained and tired from being around people, and they need to go home to recharge their energy. So if you’ve ever been caught off-guard by a coworker who declines your invitation, don’t take it personally.
8. They generally keep to themselves.
The introverts in your office may be seen as the strong, silent types. They’re not intentionally unfriendly, but they generally keep to themselves. In a busy office setting, this can be mistaken for rudeness since they’re not your typical social butterflies.
Their behavior likely has nothing to do with you. Introverts simply feel more comfortable being alone than extroverts do. They don’t need constant stimulation from other people and prefer to work independently. So if you see an introvert working quietly by themselves, don’t assume they’re being rude — they may just be doing what comes naturally to them. 
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