Parenting is hard for everyone. But when you’re a highly sensitive introvert, everything feels magnified.
Let’s get it out of the way: Becoming a parent is hard for everyone. The lack of sleep. The sudden loss of autonomy. The crying. The poop. The list goes on… (Did I mention the lack of sleep?)
It goes without saying that becoming a parent is one of the most life-changing experiences a person can have. Yet, even though it is an experience that millions of people go through, it doesn’t come with an instruction manual.
And in the case of most Western cultures, it’s not marked with much ceremony or support, often leaving new parents feeling unmoored and alone. This is particularly true for introverted parents and/or those of us who are highly sensitive.
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Why Is Parenting So Hard For Introverts and Sensitive People?
While anyone can be highly sensitive, the majority of highly sensitive people are also introverts. As such, we take things in deeply and tend to be easily overstimulated. Unfortunately, this can be challenging with a new baby.
Many of the most common problems highly sensitive introverts face are all but guaranteed with a new baby, including loud noises, lack of sleep, and dips in blood sugar (i.e., getting “hangry” — hungry + angry). While these stimuli may be unavoidable, there is much you can do to help with feeling overstimulated.
For example, investing in a good pair of earplugs can be a lifesaver when you have a baby or small children. You will still hear and be able to respond to your baby’s cries, but the volume will be reduced, making it more manageable.
While there is no magical way to get more sleep, having a plan with your partner (if you have one) to ensure you get some rest is crucial. Perhaps you can alternate who gets up when the baby cries or sometimes sleep in separate rooms to ensure you get restful sleep.
Asking for help from a family member, friend, or babysitter to hold and care for the baby while you get some rest or quiet time can be very beneficial. If you are breastfeeding, remember that you need to consume extra calories, and however you feed your baby, having food that is easy to access and eat one-handed (like string cheese, dark chocolate, and a water bottle with a straw) can help manage blood sugar and prevent an appearance from the hangry demon.
Some things may still feel especially challenging for introverted parents, especially if you’re highly sensitive. Below are some more tips on how to overcome these challenges and thrive in your new role as a parent.
Create Your Village
One thing new parents will likely hear at least once on their journey to parenthood is, “It takes a village.” Children, especially babies, weren’t meant to be cared for by just one or two parents. However, for many of us, traditional extended families are no longer present; we may live far away from our parents and extended family, or, for various reasons, we don’t have contact with them.
The advice that comes with the village mantra is that it is important to set up your own “village” — to have people to rely on, vent to, and commiserate with. This is one of the challenges of introverted parenting: making new friends can be tough.
Before I had my first child, I was advised to go out once a day with my new baby. Being the former gifted student that I am, I took that advice to heart and made sure my baby and I had an activity every day. Sometimes, it was something I truly enjoyed, like postnatal yoga. But at least once a week, it meant attending a new parent group or going on a “mom date” with another new mother someone suggested I meet.
(Speaking of moms, here’s why introverts make amazing mothers.)
My initial postpartum period was challenging for many reasons, most notably postpartum anxiety and a baby who wouldn’t sleep unless held. I thought following the go-out-every-day advice would help. However, I was in such a fog of hormones, stress, and fatigue that I never questioned how much more drained I felt after these social interactions. I never stopped to consider that this advice might not be one-size-fits-all.
My second child was born in 2021 when COVID-19 restrictions were still largely in effect, and I also had a four-year-old, so my schedule wasn’t very flexible. This time, my baby and I spent lots of time cuddling on the couch, going for walks in our neighborhood, or sitting in a coffee shop.
When we did socialize, it was mostly with parent friends I already had or chose to meet on my own. My entire second postnatal experience was completely different from my first — and I actually came to understand why people say they miss the baby stage. I can’t say this was just because I stopped pressuring myself to socialize — having a baby who sleeps is a huge game-changer — but letting go of the social engagements left me less drained at the end of those long postpartum days.
All this said, it really does take a village. I hope you’re still reading because the takeaway here isn’t that you should spend your time as a new parent all alone at home. Making connections is important, and even as an introvert, I believe in having new parent friends.
However, as an introvert, don’t feel pressured to do it all. Parent-baby activities (like yoga, baby massage, and educational sessions) may be less stressful than a new parent group, where there’s an expectation of talking and socializing for an entire hour. Instead, meeting with people you already know, or who you’ve pre-met through online interactions, can help make social interactions more manageable.
And not every day needs to be a socializing day! Getting out of the house and just spending time with your baby can be all the socializing you need.
Is the chaos of life overwhelming you as a highly sensitive person?
Sensitive people have certain brain differences that make them more susceptible to stress and anxiety. Thankfully, there is a way to train your brain so you can navigate the challenges of sensitivity, access your gifts, and thrive in life. Psychotherapist and sensitivity expert Julie Bjelland will show you how in her popular online course, HSP Brain Training. As an Introvert, Dear reader, you can take 50% off the registration fee using the code INTROVERTDEAR. Click here to learn more.
Ask Your Village for Help
The reality of being a new parent is that, at some point, you will need help — whether it’s needing someone to assist with lifting the stroller up a flight of stairs next to a broken escalator or realizing that you forgot to repack the diaper bag and need a diaper immediately. However, introverts often struggle with asking for help.
You may also need advice or a recommendation for a particular product or service. No one knows the answer to every problem, not even you. Accepting that parenting involves asking for help can make the whole process easier. Giving yourself permission to reach out — whether it’s for specific breastfeeding advice at a lactation group or asking someone about their experience with reusable diapers — can enhance your parenting skills. Plus, you may receive tips to help you navigate a challenging situation or simply get commiseration and acknowledgment that what you’re going through is typical for a new parent.
In any case, asking for help really does help. It can be useful to prepare your questions for an expert ahead of time, or even email them before or after a session. While social media has its downsides, it’s an excellent way to reach out to experts (or other parents) with your parenting questions without the social drain. And most people won’t mind helping you lift a stroller, whether physically or metaphorically.
(Here are some tips to ask for help when you’re an introvert who doesn’t want to bother people.)
Find People to Help You When You’re Feeling Touched Out
As a doula, one of the complaints I often hear from new parents is that they feel “touched out.” This happens because they’re constantly being touched — feeding, burping, rocking the baby to sleep. It can feel like your hands and body are never free (because they almost never are). While this is challenging for any parent, it can be especially difficult for someone who requires solitude to recharge.
The good news is, there are ways to navigate these challenges and improve your emotional health in the process! The first thing is to remind yourself, as often as needed, that not enjoying every moment of being a parent does not make you a bad parent. No one loves every moment, and those who say to “enjoy every moment” have likely forgotten what it’s like to have a brand new baby.
Once you’ve accepted that, remember that feeling touched out is a great opportunity to practice asking for help. Whether it’s letting your partner know you need a break, asking a friend or family member to come by and hold the baby while you take some “me time,” or hiring a babysitter for a few hours, being able to have some alone time is crucial for an introvert’s postpartum recovery.
(What if you’re a single parent? Here are some tips.)
If having someone else help isn’t possible, or if you need a quick break in the moment, remember: It’s okay to safely put your baby down. With my first baby, who was extremely clingy, I tried all kinds of baby seats — vibrating ones, bouncing ones, swinging ones, squishy ones. I was fortunate to have a buy/sell/trade community that helped me try these out without spending a fortune until I found one that worked. Going for a stroller walk with earbuds playing your favorite music or a low-key podcast, and a warm drink in the stroller cup holder, can be great for both of you. Being able to put the baby down, even just to enjoy a warm cup of coffee, can be a huge relief.
Trust me, I know that becoming a parent is no easy task. But as an introvert who already navigates an extrovert world every day, you’re up for the challenge! Taking time to prepare yourself and treating yourself with kindness can make a significant difference in your prenatal experience and set you on a great path for parenthood. 
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