Why is Parenting So Hard? Exploring the Challenges — Talkspace

Parenting is often hailed as the most rewarding job you’ll ever do. While this is true most of the time, being a parent is hard work; it’s full of complexities, unexpected challenges, and overwhelming experiences. 

From sleepless nights with a newborn to toddler tantrums days to navigating the emotionally fraught years of parenting teenagers— parents face hurdles they might be unsure how to navigate. Acknowledging that you’re struggling is the first step in surviving those hard days in the parenting journey. 

Parenting is hard work — we’re here to help so you can overcome common obstacles in your parenting journey. Whether you’re a new parent feeling overwhelmed or a seasoned guardian sending your firstborn off to college, the parenting advice you’ll discover here will empower you as a parent. Keep reading to discover effective parenting strategies and support mechanisms to help you get down this sometimes challenging, but incredibly fulfilling, path. 

Why is Parenting So Hard?

Parenting is one of the most demanding jobs you’ll ever take on. A recent Pew Research study, Parenting in America Today, found that 62% of parents with children under the age of 18 say being a parent is harder than they anticipated it would be — and 26% say it’s “a lot harder.” 

You’re faced with a constant sense of responsibility, and there are profound emotional stakes involved in child development. Being a parent is a 24/7 job, with no days off, no downtime, and, worst of all, no manual to make sure you’re doing things right. 

There are many reasons why being a parent is hard. Understanding the challenges most parents face reminds you that you’re not in this alone. 

• Constant responsibility: Whether they’re 2 weeks or 20 years old, you’ll always feel responsible for your children. The self-imposed need for vigilance can be exhausting. Parents are always on call, and while you wouldn’t change it, that doesn’t mean it isn’t taxing.
• Emotional strain: No one can fully prepare you for the emotional strain you experience watching your child go through life. You take on every feeling they have, every hurt they get, every disappointment they feel. Navigating their emotional landscape while trying to manage your own feelings can be draining and require incredible patience and empathy.
• Lack of sleep: Especially during the early years, sleep deprivation is a real thing. One study of more than 4,600 parents found that sleep quality didn’t improve for a whopping 6 years after their first child was born. Inadequate sleep can have a negative impact on your health, mood, and, in extreme cases, your ability to function every day. Although sleep does get better as your child gets older, the days of being guaranteed a full night’s rest are pretty much over once you have children.
• Financial pressure: Raising a child isn’t cheap. From basic needs to the cost of education and healthcare, the financial pressures of making sure your child is adequately cared for and prepared for the future can be daunting.
• Balancing multiple roles: Nobody knows about wearing multiple hats better than a parent. Parents have to juggle childcare, careers, and personal and professional relationships while trying to get some form of self-care in. Nearly every parent can relate to the struggle of not having enough hours in the day.
• Societal expectations: Society’s pressures about the best way to raise children can cause anxiety and self-doubt, especially among new moms or dads. Research shows that societal pressure to be the “perfect mother” impacts a woman’s beliefs about her abilities as a mom. External pressures are exceptionally high due to social media’s inescapable and pervasive nature.
• Individual vs. family needs: All parents must balance caring for themselves and fulfilling family obligations. It’s a continuous battle that doesn’t go away for most parents.  
• Behavioral challenges: Managing behavioral challenges can be exhausting, and at times, it’s difficult to see a light at the end of the tunnel. During these periods, it’s vital to remind yourself that this time will pass.

11 Ways to Overcome Challenges & Make Parenting Easier

In addition to all the challenges parents face, steep learning curves along the way add to the pressure. Arming yourself with the right strategies will help you survive any burdens you’re experiencing and make the journey more enjoyable and rewarding.

Cultivate self-compassion

All parents can relate to feeling guilty and being hard on themselves, but self-compassion is critical to your survival. 

Realizing and accepting that no parent is perfect makes it easier to forgive yourself for the mistakes you make. Remember that one action does not reflect the love you have for your child. Give yourself the same grace and kindness you’d offer them when they struggle.

Identify & address the root causes of parental guilt

Parental guilt (often known as dad or mom guilt) often stems from unhealthy or unrealistic expectations you put on yourself, or from the external pressures you’re listening to. 

If you’re feeling guilty in your role as a parent, try to identify where the source of your guilt is coming from. Ask yourself:

• Are you working long hours? 
• Do you feel like you’re not doing enough? 
• Is social media telling you you’re not good enough? 
• Is your mother-in-law critiquing your ability? 

After identifying why you feel guilty, you can begin to address your feelings by setting realistic expectations. Guilt can be challenging to overcome, so if you’re having a hard time, it might be time to reach out to a therapist.

“Guilt often occurs for parents because they deeply care about their children’s well-being and want to do their best for them. However, various factors can contribute to parental guilt, such as High Expectations, Comparisons, and Work-Life Balance issues. One helpful practice to combat parental guilt is self-compassion through mindful awareness. This can be done by trying to become aware of when guilt arises and acknowledge it without judgment while understanding that feeling guilty is a common experience for parents and doesn’t mean you are failing.”

– Cynthia Catchings Ph.D., LCSWS

Let go of the “perfect parent” ideal

You can learn how to be a better parent, but the idea that you need to be a perfect parent is a complete myth. It’s an unattainable standard that will do more harm than good. 

Parenting is hard, messy, chaotic, and stressful. Imperfection is not only acceptable, it’s 100% normal. Embracing this reality and mindset will relieve a lot of the pressure you’re placing on yourself. 

Learn to release control & embrace flexibility

While it’s common to want to control everything in an attempt to reduce stress on the home front, the truth is that flexibility can be powerful. Having a little bit of a go-with-the-flow attitude and understanding that plans may change and situations can unexpectedly evolve helps you adapt and be able to change gears when needed. 

In the long run, parents who let go of control and embrace flexibility are modeling behavior that teaches children a valuable lesson — don’t sweat the small stuff.

Adopt stress management & relaxation techniques

Adopting relaxation techniques like deep breathing, yoga, and meditation is great for parents. Stress management can reduce anxiety and increase tolerance, so it’s easier to manage the day-to-day challenges of parenting.

Incorporate positive thinking into your daily routine

Don’t underestimate the power of positive thinking as a parent. Framing challenges as opportunities to grow and learn instead of dwelling on their downside will not only make you happier, it’ll teach your children how to see the bright side of things. As a family, start setting a positive intention, saying affirmations, or sharing gratitude each day.

“Parents serve as primary role models for their children in numerous ways, like behavior modeling, influencing their attitudes, behaviors, and overall outlook on life. When parents practice positivity in their own lives, it has several significant impacts on their children. Overall, parents who prioritize positivity in their lives not only enhance their own well-being but also create a nurturing environment where their children can thrive emotionally, socially, and academically.”

– Cynthia Catchings Ph.D., LCSWS

Master time management for a balanced life

Effective time management can improve balance in your life and make your home a more peaceful environment. Prioritize tasks, set boundaries, and organize your days so you have time for everything, including work, parenting, and self-care.

Take advantage of flexible work options

Being a parent is hard. Take the breaks where you can get them. If you have the option for flexible work arrangements, use it. This might mean adjusting your hours, working from home, or taking advantage of job-sharing options. Any of these can help you better balance your responsibilities as a parent with your professional obligations.

Reach out for support from friends or professionals

Successful parenting relies on getting support when you need it. Whether you talk to friends or family members or seek professional advice, getting help can offer new perspectives and strategies to make your job as a parent easier.

Customize your parenting style to fit your child’s needs

Because every child is different, it’s important to tailor your parenting style to match their temperament, learning style, and individual needs. Taking a unique approach to the parent-child relationship can also lead to a deeper connection. Other benefits of personalized, positive parenting include reduced conflicts, better communication, fewer behavioral challenges, and a healthy attachment style.

“Customizing our parenting style to fit each child’s unique needs is crucial because of their distinct temperaments, personalities, strengths, and challenges. This can be achieved effectively by observing and understanding your child, adapting communication, recognizing emotional needs, and encouraging individual interests. For example, in a family with two children, one thrives with open discussions and clear boundaries, enjoying activities that challenge her independence. In contrast, the other one benefits from one-on-one time, gentle reassurance, and quieter pursuits like reading. By adapting their parenting style to these individual needs, the parents create an environment where both children feel supported, understood, and empowered to grow and succeed. This approach enhances their development and family dynamics through mutual respect and empathy.”

– Cynthia Catchings Ph.D., LCSWS

Handle behavioral issues calmly and constructively

At some point, you’ll likely need to deal with a child’s behavioral issues. Remaining calm and taking a constructive approach generally garners the best results as you react to undesired behaviors. Your reaction can help your child learn to manage their emotions in healthy ways as they emulate your behavior.  

Find Support Through the Challenges of Parenthood

There’s no denying that parenting is hard. There will be days when you feel like you’re facing an uphill battle alone. It’s essential to remember that you’re not alone, though. It’s OK…and brave…to seek help if you feel overwhelmed by your job. If you’re emotionally exhausted or on the brink of burnout as a mom or dad, consider reaching out for support. 

Platforms like Talkspace can make it easy for you to get help from a qualified mental health professional who understands the unique stresses of parenting. They also make it convenient for you to get online therapy from the comfort of your home — because the last thing you need to add to your plate is one more obligation.

Contact Talkspace today to learn more about getting therapy to help you be the best parent possible.