If you’ve been feeling like it’s harder than ever to make and keep close friends, trust me—you’re not imagining things. Friendships, especially the deep, meaningful kind that introverts crave, are tough to maintain in today’s world.
Life’s busier than ever, attention spans are shorter, and everyone seems stretched thin with commitments. And for introverts, it’s even more challenging. Low energy, the fear of rejection, and feeling overwhelmed by too much socializing can make the whole thing feel exhausting.
Social Media: A Double-Edged Sword
Let’s be honest: social media, for all its perks, hasn’t exactly helped. Sure, it makes staying in touch easier, but in a lot of ways, it’s made us more lonely—especially if you’re in a younger generation that grew up with smart phones.
Take my 22-year-old, introverted niece for example. A while ago she lamented to me about how she didn’t have any close friends because people her age aren’t very social.
“Everyone just hangs out with their parents or chats on social media. It gets really lonely.”
Even though she’d tried going to meetups, she struggled to meet like-minded people her age. I suggested that she try Bumble BFF. It worked! She made one real friend, a fellow artist who shared her interest in Japan.
If you’re anything like my niece—and most of the introverts I work with—you understand why social media can be a double-edged sword when it comes to making real friends.
- Energy Drain: If you’re introverted, scrolling through feeds can drain your energy before you even have the chance to use it on real-life connections.
- Shallow Connections: Social media keeps you “in the loop,” but often, it’s in a very surface-level, unfulfilling way. That depth you crave? It’s hard to find in quick comments or likes.
- Constant Distraction: How many times have you found yourself checking your phone when you could’ve been catching up with a friend in real life? The endless notifications and mindless scrolling steal moments you could be using to strengthen your friendships.
Too Much Adulting
Remember when making friends used to feel easy? Back in school, friendships weren’t a scheduled event—you just hung out. Now, it feels like you need to make an appointment weeks in advance just to grab coffee.
Everyone’s schedules are so packed that friendships often take a back seat to everything else.
Sometimes, I think that the people with the most fulfilling friendships are those who refuse to grow up. I see it all the time with my comedian friends.
They have youthful, fun friendships because they don’t conform to the rigid expectations of adulthood. They stay up late, talk about “inappropriate things” and have informal hangouts at each others’ houses or in the park.
You might think that having such carefree friendship is impossible if you have a demanding, grownup career. Not so!
One of my closest friends from high school is an engineer with a demanding work schedule. And yet, he has a tight knit group of close friends that he hangs out with every week.
They have dinner parties, go to shows, play board games and go on fun vacations together. When they’re together, they’re always laughing and telling inside jokes.
I chalk it up to my friend’s youthful approach to life. He prioritizes having fun and never takes himself too seriously.
How Introverts Can Build Better Friendships
So, yes, it’s tough, but it’s not impossible. Here are a few ways introverts can keep their friendships strong, even in the modern age.
1. Focus on Your Core Group
Not every friendship needs the same amount of attention, so focus on your core group—the friends who really matter. These are the people who need consistent interaction. Weekly check-ins are ideal for your closest friends, while others in your circle can get by with a monthly catch-up.
It might sound draining, but being intentional with your time helps maintain those close bonds without overwhelming you.
2. Stay Consistent
As introverts, it’s easy to let friendships slide when your energy is low, but consistency is key. Even a simple text or a quick phone call once a week can go a long way in keeping those connections alive. The trick is to prioritize it, even when socializing feels like the last thing you want to do.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Put in Effort
Let’s face it: people are busier and more hesitant to open up these days. So, sometimes you’ll need to be a bit more persistent in building momentum with new friends.
If you’re vibing with someone, don’t be afraid to send that extra invite or message. Most of the time, people appreciate it—they’re just too caught up in their own lives to initiate.
Conclusion
Yes, friendships are harder now—especially for introverts. But that doesn’t mean it’s a lost cause. By focusing on your core friendships, staying consistent, and putting in just a little extra effort, you can build and maintain the meaningful connections you’re looking for.
It’s about choosing quality over quantity and making sure that, in a world full of distractions, you’re investing your energy where it counts.
Xo,
Michaela
