Sometimes, an introvert is the person lighting up the room — only to need hours of alone time to recover afterward.
I’m an introvert, but I also love people. Sometimes, I even come across as extroverted to certain groups.
For a while as a teenager, I thought of myself as an “unwilling introvert.” I needed alone time but didn’t like that I did. Over time, though, I’ve realized it’s not that I dislike being an introvert — it’s that I wasn’t sure how to navigate being a friendly introvert.
I’ve had people whisper things like, “She’s too much to really be an introvert,” or, “She doesn’t realize she’s actually an extrovert.” Too often, people define introverts incorrectly. They put us in a box labeled “shy” or “aloof” and leave it at that. But some of us can be friendly, outgoing, and still very much introverts.
Recently, I came across the term “extroverted introvert.” It describes people who are introverted but have some extroverted qualities too. After all, introversion and extroversion aren’t all-or-nothing traits — we all fall somewhere on a spectrum. While this term helped me understand my introversion better, I’ve still met plenty of people who don’t quite get it.
So, here are a few common misconceptions I’ve encountered about being a friendly introvert.
5 Misconceptions About Friendly Introverts
1. They aren’t actually introverts — they like talking to people, so they must be extroverts!
This is one of the most common misconceptions. People often assume a friendly introvert can’t really be an introvert. They see someone talkative or outgoing and immediately label them as an extrovert.
Take my friend, for example. Like me, he can be outgoing in the right setting. When he’s comfortable with people, he loves being the center of attention — but he’s an introvert through and through. He needs plenty of alone time to recharge and often feels overwhelmed in large groups.
Once, another introverted friend leaned over to me and said, “He doesn’t realize he’s actually an extrovert — he just likes calling himself an introvert.” She assumed that because he wasn’t exactly like her, he must not be an introvert at all.
But here’s the truth: Every introvert is different and has their own comfort zone. Some introverts struggle with social anxiety and find group settings overwhelming. Others love attention, performing, or engaging deeply in conversations. Neither type is more or less “introverted” than the other.
Introversion isn’t something you can always see. It doesn’t always look like someone standing quietly in the corner. Sometimes, it’s the person lighting up the room — who then needs hours of alone time to recover.
2. They don’t like you and use “alone time” as an excuse.
Sometimes, people assume a friendly introvert is just making excuses when they say they need alone time. They might hear someone outgoing say they need space and take it personally, thinking it’s about avoiding them specifically.
It can also happen when a friendly introvert, who’s usually outgoing, runs into someone when their social battery is drained. The other person might assume they’re being distant because they don’t like them, rather than realizing the introvert is simply exhausted. In some cases, this misunderstanding can lead to them no longer inviting the introvert to events.
This happens because many people assume friendly behavior is constant — that someone friendly will always be friendly unless they don’t like someone. They don’t think about how an introvert’s social energy can deplete or how much alone time they might need to recover. Instead, they take it personally.
I’ve learned to handle this by being clear with people. I let them know I need alone time — not because of them — but because I need to recharge my energy.
3. They must be faking their friendliness.
When people realize someone is an introvert, they sometimes assume their friendliness must be an act. I won’t deny it — there are moments when I smile and chat while secretly wishing I could escape the conversation. But most of the time, I genuinely enjoy talking to people.
The misconception is that every introvert fakes every friendly interaction, constantly plotting their exit. But here’s the truth: No one enjoys talking to everyone. Whether you’re an introvert or not, some people will rub you the wrong way, or they’ll catch you at the wrong time.
Introverts might have more moments during the day when they don’t feel like talking than extroverts do, but that doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy good conversations. Personally, I get overwhelmed in groups but love deep, one-on-one discussions. I could talk for hours about literature, theology, or Taylor Swift’s brilliance. Small talk, though? That’s where things get tricky.
Many introverts are also great at noticing when someone else feels out of place. We’ve spent enough time standing in the corner at parties to know what that feels like. Often, we’re the ones who’ll strike up a conversation with the person standing there now. Sometimes, our friendliness comes from understanding how much it matters to feel heard and cared about.
Want to feel more at ease in social situations?
Discover the secrets to enjoying fun, meaningful conversations. Know exactly what to say, even if you’re introverted, shy, or anxious. Feel less drained and have more energy while socializing. Click here to secure your spot in Jenn Granneman’s upcoming course, Easy Conversation.
4. They don’t need to prepare for socializing.
Introverts need time to prepare for social situations. Something I’ve run into is the assumption that because I’m friendly, I’m down to hang out at any given moment. If a friend texts and asks if I want to come to a game night right now, I probably don’t. I haven’t stored up the energy I need to be social yet.
I need time to prepare — at least a few hours in advance, maybe even a whole day — so I can make sure I don’t drain my social battery on other things beforehand. If I go to an event without enough preparation, I might spend the entire time staring at the floor, wondering when it’s okay to leave.
Of course, everyone is different. Some people might only need a 10-minute warning, while others need a week. But, in my experience, planning ahead lets introverts feel ready and intentionally energized for social events.
5. They enjoy every type of social situation.
Not all social situations are created equal. Like 99% of the introverts I know, I love one-on-one hangouts or small groups (fewer than five people). Anything larger than that, though, and I start to feel overwhelmed. I either run out of energy faster or retreat into my shell.
People often assume that because I’m friendly in one-on-one conversations, I must also love big group gatherings or long social events. But for me, different types of events take up different amounts of energy. Even the group dynamic matters. In a room full of outgoing people, I’ll get exhausted trying to get a word in. On the other hand, if I’m one of the more outgoing people in a smaller group, I can happily chat and socialize for hours.
Thankfully, these misconceptions usually just lead to a few awkward moments — they’re not the end of the world. My point is this: Friendly introverts exist. We love people, but we also need alone time. We’re all different, and we want to be seen and loved for who we are — not squeezed into someone else’s idea of what an introvert “should” look like. 
