If you don’t experience social anxiety like I do, you may think some of the things I do are strange.
Throughout my life, I’ve done plenty of things that I thought were simply normal human behavior, even if they felt uncomfortable at the time. I’ve always felt different and a bit wackier than the average person, but it never occurred to me that I am the poster child for social anxiety behavior. Honestly, I thought everyone reacted the same way in certain situations. Then I married someone who is the complete opposite of me, and I finally saw that my way of doing certain things is strange or funny to those who don’t experience social anxiety.
Although introversion and social anxiety are not the same thing, it’s common for us “quiet ones” to experience this painful condition. If you happen to be a socially anxious introvert like me, you’ll probably relate to this list. If you’re not socially anxious, pay attention to this list anyway, so you can understand what we’re going through.
So, here are 10 “weird” things I’ve done as a socially anxious introvert.
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10 Weird Behaviors Only Socially Anxious Introverts Will Understand
1. I plan conversations in advance.
If there’s a party, happy hour, or any other event involving people, I plan my topics of conversation ahead of time. I play out all the scenarios in my head, from the hugs I’m going to give to the handshakes I’m going to extend. I think about how to start each conversation and even memorize a bunch of questions to ask for every person I know will be there. Should these people deviate from my plan, I’m screwed. Sometimes I role-play the whole conversation back and forth to have the upper hand and prepare myself.
2. My heart races after making the “mistake” of waving at someone.
I can’t count how many times I’ve waved at someone from across the room, only to have that person look at me, perplexed, or completely ignore me and continue their conversation. No big deal, right? Hello, social anxiety.
The adjacent stares, the feeling of being seen as a waving weirdo, and the total rejection burning straight through my skin, all the way to my racing heart and down to my sweaty feet. Why the hell did I wave? It’s not like I want to talk to this person, so why am I subjecting myself to this? Probably safer next time to just walk by without acknowledging them. Damn it, I don’t know what’s worse.
3. I duck down an aisle to avoid being seen by someone.
This is my favorite game to play. Peek-a-boo, you don’t see me. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve strolled into a store and then, out of nowhere, launched myself behind a rack for cover because I recognized someone. Did they see me? Oh no, I hope they didn’t! What if they saw me hide? What if they come my way, what do I say? Why am I like this??
Usually, I’m alone, so I don’t have to explain my behavior to anyone and feel extra stupid. But when I’m out with my husband, I have to deal with him snickering and leaving me to my own insanity. Hello, social anxiety. I trail slowly behind him and intermittently ask him to check if the coast is clear. I keep track of that person’s whereabouts until they leave the store. Don’t ask me how much time I’ve wasted doing this.
4. I beg other people to make phone calls on my behalf.
Like everyone else, I have a long to-do list: Schedule car maintenance, figure out why my heating bill is twice the regular amount, and sign my kiddo up for soccer class. That’s just today. Tomorrow, I have 10 more phone calls to make. How on Earth am I going to survive ALL these calls?! Hey Mom, can you come over and call for me, please? I know I’m 31, but pleeeease??
There was a time in my life when that ploy would have worked beautifully (when I was a teenager). I never had to make a call. These days, as an adult, it sounds more like this: Honeyyyyy, can you call that guy for the car? Honeyyyyy, can you call the bank and ask them to refund the transfer fee? Honeyyyyy, can you please call daycare to let them know we’re coming late? I mean, isn’t that the number one benefit of being married to a social-anxiety-free extrovert?
5. I ask a friend to ask someone to take our photo.
I never, ever, ever ask anyone to take a photo for me. Nope. I’m just not doing it. I’d much rather take a selfie, put a timer on, or risk losing my camera over the edge of a cliff. Most of the time, though, I ask the person I’m with to go ask someone else to take the picture. I can’t put myself in that position where I have to:
- Stop a stranger
- Ask them to take a picture
- Hand over an expensive phone
- Walk all the way back to the photo location
- Take time to pose properly
- Go get the phone from them
- Check the picture
- Acknowledge it’s good, or
- Ask for another picture if it sucks, or
- Accept the sucky picture
- Say thank you
That’s too many steps, too much involvement, and too much human interaction. I’d rather stay at a distance while someone else handles all of that. I’ll happily just do #11. Thank you!
6. I refuse to call out someone’s mistake.
“Bob, I think you misspelled your name” is something I probably should blurt out. But most of the time, I won’t, because I don’t like to put other people on the spot. Because that means I’m putting myself on the spot. So, sorry Bob, you’re going to have to lead the meeting with your name spelled “Boob” on the board. Not sure what you were thinking there, but it sure as hell ain’t my problem. Just like it’s not my problem that the date is wrong on the report, or that you spelled my name wrong, or that I shouldn’t be in this meeting in the first place because you added the wrong Roxana. I’ll just sit here silently…
7. When I have a question, I don’t speak up.
Hi, my name is Roxana, and it’s been five years since I’ve asked a question.
Asking a question in front of a group is scary for a socially anxious introvert. The chances are pretty high that my question won’t come out right, which means I’ll sound stupid, people will roll their eyes, and then life is over. It usually goes like that.
It’s much better to sit quietly and pray that someone else has the same question and doesn’t have social anxiety. Not sure what the chances are of that, but I’m doing just fine blazing through life, waiting for someone else to ask my questions. I simply can’t afford anyone thinking that I don’t know something, let alone something that everyone else seems to know…
8. I say yes to social events hoping they will get canceled.
I’ll be honest with you. As strange as it may sound for an introvert, I hate not being invited to events because it means I’m intentionally being left out. Yuck.
But what I also hate is being invited because then I have to muster the brain strength to prepare myself for a social activity.
The BEST outcome is for me to accept the invitation and then have it get canceled. Maybe you can only invite me when you know you’re going to shut the whole thing down? (I’m only half joking here.)
9. I push the button to close the elevator door super fast.
Tell me you can relate to this. Tell me I’m not a horrible person. You walk through the sliding doors of your apartment or office building, walk up to the elevator, and press the button to go up. There’s no one around you. You look back at the sliding doors and notice your overly chatty coworker or neighbor walking in. At the same time, the elevator dings. You rush into the elevator, pressing the close button in a panicked and maniacal way (while trying to hide your panic), and the doors close just as they walk up. Whew! What a relief!
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10. I turn in the wrong direction to avoid inconveniencing others.
I do this thing where I become overly polite at my own expense. For example, if I’m driving and need to make a left turn across the median but there are five cars behind me, I’ll take a right instead and drive for 10 miles if I have to — all to avoid being an “inconvenience” to the cars behind me. I hate making people wait for me, so I’ll go in the opposite direction if I have to. Please don’t get out of your car and yell at me for not taking the initiative to go when I should have but was too scared to!
I’m sure there are plenty of other things I’ve done that scream social anxiety, but these are the most prevalent ones, and the ones I still catch myself doing from time to time. Social anxiety is no joke, and I know because I’ve lived with it for many years. For me, the easiest way to conquer it is to simply laugh at the things it makes me do.
I wrote an action plan to start getting over my social anxiety, which you can read here. And if you find yourself feeling like you’re stuck in social anxiety “hell,” here’s how to get out of it.
What are some things you’ve done that are deemed socially anxious behavior? Let me know in the comments. 
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