By Nils Skudra
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to watch Craig Gillespie’s Lars and the Real Girl, a heartwarming romantic comedy/drama about Lars Lindstrom, a socially awkward young man who orders a life-size female doll for companionship and treats it as a real person. The film provides an intriguing exploration of the complexities of mental illness and the ways in which living in a delusional state might some actual benefits for the person experiencing it. In addition, while the protagonist’s diagnosis is never specifically clarified, Lars exhibits a variety of symptoms associated with the autism spectrum, which affect his social interactions with family and members of the community. As the story progresses, however, his relationship with the doll gradually brings Lars out of his inner bubble and serves as a catalyst for the community to show empathy and acceptance.
The film opens with Lars (Ryan Gosling) living in the converted garage next to his family’s main house, where his older brother Gus (Paul Schneider) and pregnant sister-in-law Karin (Emily Mortimer) live. Having moved into the garage following their father’s death, Lars exhibits an aversion to venturing out for social intercourse, apart from going to work at his office job, and resists Karin’s attempts at inviting him into the house for dinner. Even in the workplace, he shows little inclination to engage with his coworkers, despite the outreach of Margo (Kelli Garner), a female colleague who displays a clear interest in him. This is further demonstrated in the aftermath of a church service, when Lars is given a flower by Mrs. Gruner (Nancy Beatty), a neighbor who encourages him to find a girlfriend. Upon being approached by Margo, however, he immediately throws the flower away and takes a jog home, leaving her bewildered.
The symptoms of Lars’ social awkwardness are illustrative of the challenges that many people on the autism spectrum have with social interactions in their daily lives. Because autistic individuals tend to have a very self-focused outlook, engaging with other people can be extremely difficult for them, ranging from missing social cues to complete avoidance of social contact. In Lars’ case, the latter tendency is profoundly evident since he avoids communication with family and has very limited interaction with his colleagues at work. Furthermore, he exhibits a pathological fear of being touched, refusing to be hugged or to shake hands with other people. Known as haphephobia, this behavior is shared by numerous autistic individuals, who show an aversion to being touched, in some cases, even by family members, who often have a painful struggle with understanding their relatives’ resistance to physical affection.
Lars’ social difficulties stem largely from the traumatic experience of his mother’s death in childbirth, which left him and his brother to be raised by their emotionally distant father. Consequently, Lars is consumed with feelings of grief and fear of the risk of death during childbirth, which have led him to avoid intimate contact with other people. This is illustrative of the behaviors shown by a wide variety of neurodivergent people who have been affected by personal traumas, which can have the effect of causing them to become aloof and socially isolated due to fear of a possible repetition of those traumas. For some people on the autism spectrum, these can reinforce their tendencies toward avoidance of social contact, particularly if they have suffered from bullying and ostracism in the past, since they may fear experiencing those phenomena again.
Things take a turn for Lars when he learns from one of his coworkers about an adult website which provides mail-order shipments of anatomically correct life-size dolls for men to have as companions. Six weeks later, he knocks on his brother’s door, informing Gus and Karin that he met someone on the Internet and is eager to introduce them to her, though he cautions them to be mindful of his new dating partner’s lack of English fluency and the fact that she is wheelchair-bound. Initially thrilled at the prospect of Lars’ social outreach, they are dumbfounded upon discovering that his companion, Bianca, is a life-size doll which he describes as if she were a live individual. Uneasy, Gus and Karin awkwardly ask Lars questions about Bianca’s interests and hobbies before privately speaking with each other, expressing their alarm at his apparent insanity and trying to determine a solution. They decide to take Lars to see the family doctor, psychologist Dagmar Berman (Patricia Clarkson), to analyze Lars for possible mental illness.
During their session, Dr. Berman diagnoses Bianca with low blood pressure and tells Lars to return for her to have “weekly treatments,” which will in fact be consultation sessions as part of her evaluation of Lars. In the subsequent meeting with Gus and Karin, she tells them: “You know, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. What we call mental illness isn’t always just an illness. It can be a communication; it can be a way of working something out.” This provides a unique insight into the contrast between how society views mental illness and the ways in which individuals with mental health issues operate. Although Lars’ bizarre behavior would strike most people as evidence of mental illness, living in a delusion may serve as an escape valve or coping mechanism for him because of his social difficulties with real people. Furthermore, it is likely that, despite his avoidance of social interaction, Lars actually seeks the love and recognition that he has not been shown, which he may be communicating through his attachment to Bianca. Therefore, Dr. Berman advises that Gus and Karin go along with Lars’ delusion and humor him by treating Bianca as a real person, which Gus is initially resistant to, though Karin agrees in the interest of helping her brother-in-law.
As word spreads around town that Lars has acquired a life-size doll, there are varied reactions. While some of Gus’ coworkers find the news amusing and ridicule his brother, Reverend Bock (R.D. Reid) believes that Bianca should be accepted as a member of the community since she makes Lars happy, remarking, “After all, what would Jesus do?” Lars and his family subsequently bring Bianca to church, where she draws bewildered stares from everyone, though Reverend Bock makes a point of marking this as a special occasion to welcome all newcomers to the congregation. Following the service, he and Mrs. Gruner warmly address Bianca, giving her flowers and expressing their best wishes for her time in the community. At home, Gus and Karin follow Dr. Berman’s advice by dressing Bianca, tucking her into bed, and even bathing her, which Karin soon warms up to while Gus grudgingly tries to hide his irritation.
As Bianca becomes a regular part of the family’s routine, other members of the community start following their example, taking Bianca to work at the hospital or to school, where she holds story-time sessions with a computerized voice reading in the background. Despite her bewilderment, Margo invites Lars to bring Bianca to a party, where the host couple warmly greets her and accepts a wine bottle that Lars has placed in her arm as a gift. Some of the partygoers secretly laugh at Lars, expressing their disapproval of his attachment to a doll, but Margo defends him, insisting that his condition is a delusional disorder. Following the party, she reassures Lars of her appreciation for Bianca’s attendance at the party, though it is clear that she still harbors a romantic interest in him. At the same time, Lars is privately disappointed that Margo has been seeing someone else, indicating that he has started developing feelings for her, as well.
As the community increasingly embraces Bianca, Lars becomes frustrated over her lack of time with him, yelling at her for being selfish. However, Mrs. Gruner defends Bianca, stating that she is her own woman and that Lars’ controlling attitude will rub other women the wrong way. During a subsequent conversation with Karin, he expresses his feeling that she and Gus don’t care about him or his fear of losing Bianca. Karin then forcefully asserts:
“That is just not true! God! Every person in this town bends over backward to make Bianca feel at home. Why do you think she has so many places to go and so much to do? Huh? Huh? Because of you! Because – all these people – love you! We push her wheelchair. We drive her to work. We drive her home. We wash her. We dress her. We get her up, and put her to bed. We carry her. And she is not petite, Lars. Bianca is a big, big girl! None of this is easy – for any of us – but we do it… Oh! We do it for you! So don’t you dare tell me how we don’t care.”
This statement illustrates the profound transformation in the outlook of Karin and the rest of the community toward Lars and his relationship with Bianca. Despite their initial misgivings about his mental health, they have gone from simply humoring him to genuinely embracing Biana out of their compassion and empathy for him. In many ways, Bianca has thus served as a catalyst for bringing the community together and encouraging their outpouring of love and kindness, a desire which Lars has likely harbored throughout the story but could not find the words to express in a conventional way. This realization prompts a change in his attitude and, together with the help of Dr. Berman, gradually bolsters Lars’ confidence in his ability to connect with Margo on an intimate level.
In summation, Lars and the Real Girl is a beautifully crafted and heartwarming story, filled with serious drama balanced by humorous elements. Gosling delivers a stellar performance in the role of Lars, brilliantly capturing his sweet-natured persona and his bizarre idiosyncrasies, truly convincing the viewer of his delusional state. Furthermore, the film articulates a powerful and moving message about how embracing individuals with mental illness, even in the most unconventional way, can foster empathy and understanding in society. Although delusional behaviors may strike us as off-putting, Lars’ story demonstrates how showing love and compassion can encourage individuals with mental health issues, and neurodivergent people more broadly, to become socially engaged with their neurotypical peers.
I am an artist on the autism spectrum. I received an MA specializing in Civil War/Reconstruction history at the University of North Carolina, Greensboro, and I have been drawing hundreds of Civil War-themed pictures since the age of five and a half. I recently completed a secondary Master’s in Library and Information Sciences. As a person with autism, I have a very focused set of interests, and the Civil War is my favorite historical event within that range of interests. It is therefore my fervent desire to become a Civil War historian and have my Civil War artwork published in an art book for children. I am also very involved in the autism community and currently serve as the President/Head Officer of Spectrum at UNCG, an organization I founded for students on the autism spectrum. The goal of the organization is to promote autism awareness and foster an inclusive community for autistic students on the UNCG campus. The group has attracted some local publicity and is steadily gaining new members, and we shall be hosting autism panels for classes on campus in the near future.
