Whether starting a new school, college, a new job or moving to a new neighborhood, basic mannerism & Appropriate Behavior Is Sometimes A Physical Challenge For People With Autism. First of all, most people think, if you can talk, walk & look almost normal, they will argue, either you don’t really have autism or are using it as an excuse to be lazy or get disability or a reason to dislike you or even be jealous of you, for instance, someone telling a person with Autism. “I work a 12 hour job, you don’t have to do anything your ”Autistic.” I personally don’t know any autistic people that enjoy having autism & all the annoying issues that come with it that cause so much trouble, like trying to fit in & relate, make & keep friends & find someone to date that actually likes you. Most want to fit in & try to fit in & “Mask” pretend to be normal, but very difficult to keep up the act & draining. People can just tell, you’re different. First of all you maybe dress differently, wear fall type clothes in the summer, to help you feel safe & protected from the world & germs. Maybe you like cartoon character T-Shirts or wearing hats. Your gestures might be awkward, like looking away from someone when you talk, not looking at them in the eyes, like your lying & have something to hid, smiling, waving & being too chatty & social & talking to everyone like your trying way too hard to fit in, or not talking at all, to the point, where they might even think your “mute,” it’s called “Selective Mutism”, often when an autistic person feels shy or overwhelmed in new situations or in public, it’s literally hard to talk or they can’t talk, like their body shuts down in a way & they feel frozen, they also feel they dono the right thing to say & figure it’s best not to say anything than say the wrong thing. All of these reasons make it hard for autistic kids, teens & adults to make friends & fit in, find a date, get hired for a job, no they don’t do it on purpose, they try hard not to do it, most people do not understand this. The worst part is when you so much like a person & wish to be friends, but you’re different & they don’t understand & won’t accept you in their circle of friends. Or if there’s a job you would like, but don’t get hired, because you’re different & maybe you can’t tell but the person who’s not hiring you can. It makes you want to become a recluse or hermit with all this rejection & not fitting in to protect yourself from further rejection & hurt, feeling you’re not good enough & everyone is better than you. People with autism are usually bright & sensitive & know what people expect from them, but can’t succeed in it. Sometimes over trying too hard can make things even worse, it just means they want to fit in so bad & overcompensate & it just makes you stand out more, in a bad way. I myself, can’t make & keep friends & I’m not even sure why, I try so hard to get the people I like to like me & sometimes they stay a little while, but they usually leave & aren’t my friend for long, maybe I say the wrong thing or talk too much, maybe we don’t have enough in common or they’re too mature for me or maybe they just don’t like autistic people even though they say they do to be nice. I dono why, I just know whatever I do is wrong, complain too much or just different, younger, probably a little bit of everything. It’s hard to change who you are for others to fit in & be liked & keep friends. It almost all the time just makes me feel so bad about myself & less than, if you can relate to this at all, please keep reading.
Hygiene
Just taking a good shower a few times a week, brushing your teeth twice a day, brushing your hair & washing your face everyday & picking out a nice outfit to wear alone can be very draining, besides doing your household chores, your supermarket shopping, work at home job or whatever else you do. A lot of people on the spectrum have trouble with doing things perfectly & it takes an extra, extra, long time, they may have sensory issues that makes everything harder & O.C.D. to make what are quick & easy tasks for most normal people, takes you hours. Unless you’re going through this & have it, most NT people won’t understand, even if they say they understand, they probably don’t. So by the time you’re ready to go to your doctor’s appointment, a new job interview, the supermarket, meet up with an old or new friend or relative, you are already “spent & done.” Like you’re exhausted & you won’t make a good impression, you’ll be too tired & used up. If you skip the shower & wear the clothes you slept in from the other day & don’t brush your hair, you might have more energy & be more gregarious, but you might smell a little & look messy, that alone is as bad or worse than being quiet & awkward. I have bad OCD, my showers can take 3-4 hours sometimes, I also have long hair down my back which takes alone over 30 minutes to shampoo & conditioner & repeat. It gets tangles easily & hard to take out all the knots too. I also have sensory issues & need to make sure I’m 100% fully rinsed off, if I get out of the shower too early, before my routine is completed & I feel perfectly 100% clean, I will go back in for another hour to fully rinse off. I used to be able to take a half hour shower, 45 minutes or an hour shower. As I got older it got worse, I became more aware of germs from covid & knowledge. I almost can’t help it, because as much as others might not understand, I have to live with myself & feel comfortable in my own skin. It’s very hard on me. Once I did take a 35 minute shower, didn’t feel I rinsed enough or clean enough, but I was too tired to take another shower that night, I went to bed really not really feeling right & uncomfortable in my own skin, I woke up early & rinsed off in the shower for an hour & then got dressed, it was very tiring, but I felt much better to be clean, I hated the extra effort I had to do to feel right in my own skin, so I might as well stay in the shower & do it right the first time. It only goes to show you, people with autism have to do things the way they do them, just because I shower longer, doesn’t make me defective, if anything it makes me cleaner. Even when I brush my teeth with toothpaste, it can take up to an hour sometimes, especially if I have a checkup at the dentist coming up. Also may use 2 different toothpastes to do an extra good job. I know I do things differently, shaking out my new clothes to make them more comfortable for me. Sometimes the dyes on my new clothes or the material of the fabric will bother me so much, I’ll have to just try another shirt, I hate that when it happens, it’s very time consuming & a waste of a shirt, my shirts are inexpensive, so not really worth the hassle of returning, so I mostly stick to 100% cotton shirts with little graphics & no dark colors. Sometimes I wash my hands with soap 4 times in a row lathering up well & it can take up to 15 minutes sometimes other times 5 minutes. The whole sensory cleaning can take all day, no one wants to, you feel you have to, to try to stay clean & germ free & feel normal, like you need to go the extra mile to feel right & good enough, I know I do. I’m not sure if everyone can relate, but I’m sure everyone likes to stay clean.
Making Friends With Others On The Spectrum
This is so hard, people with Autism are all different & there are many different levels. The thing is, many people who are autistic have special interests, even if you’re the same age & live nearby, if you’re not interested in their interests, it’s probably not going to work out. Also some Autistic’s might function on a younger level, even if you’re the same age, maybe emotionally the person is 6 & you’re more like 16, probably not the best mix. Another thing, a lot of Autistic people do not like to talk on the phone & go out much & rarely answer texts, it stresses them out. So for that reason too, it is hard to make & keep friends. Even on Autism facebook groups, the person might post, but not like to message back or only answer public comments. So many people with autism find it hard to even make friends with other Autistic people because of this, even if they wish to, even if it works at first, it might be too much pressure for them to keep up the phone calls or texts, because they get stressed & overwhelmed. A few are also very sensitive & get their feelings hurt easily which also might end in losing a friend. Sometimes it works out, but from my personal experience & from the comments I read in Autism groups I’m in online, this is what I found to be true. A lot of autistic people will unfriend or block a friend if they get consent messages because they feel overwhelmed or just not write back or send a heart, the misunderstanding from miscommunication on both ends also ends a friendship, for these reasons it’s just hard for autistic people to make & keep new friends. They also might get really nervous & scared & cancel meeting up in person. Some do get lucky & connect, but most autistic adults, like to keep a distance from most people & are untrusting from bad personal experiences in the past. As for what to do, find people that are passionate about things or hobbies you love even if they are not your same age, age doesn’t matter as much as you think it does. Also think outside the box, if someone is different than you, but an open, accepting nice person, try to go with the flow & maybe look into their interest, even if you don’t love it, maybe you can learn something new or at least respect others that are different than you, especially if they are a kind person that wants to be your friend, to not be so rigid about others that are nothing like you, maybe you can learn more about their hobbies & come to like their interests too.
What’s The Take Away From My Article
As for the old song from 1972 called “Garden Party,” by Ricky Nelson the lyrics go “You Can’t Please Everyone, So Ya Gotta Please Yourself.” Make yourself happy, you have to live with yourself, it’s your life, not theirs. You can’t keep trying to please people that come & go out of your life, you’ll be miserable & go crazy if you do & no one wants a miserable, depressed friend. You just have to be true to yourself & respect yourself enough to be yourself. No one wants a ditto, be a leader. I mean, still try to be a good, kind, helpful person, eat healthy most of the time if you can, but don’t change your look & style, your hobbies for anyone, unless “You” want to. It’s best to follow the beat to your own drum, be an original, instead of the copy, why conceal who you are to please others, maybe you will find the right people that love the same things you do or love you, for just being you, maybe start a new trend. Otherwise, it’s like tricking someone by making them think you’re something you’re really not & it’s not fair to either of you & it’s so much work to pretend to be someone you’re not, it’s just not worth it. If you’re happy in your own skin & with your own choices, you will attract the right people & life in general for you will be so much happier, even if you’re living in the 1940’s as your interest, or obsessed with all things cars, old movies, reborn baby dolls, stuffed animals, whatever hobby you’re passionate about & makes life worth living because you love what you love so much. Live to enjoy life & if you can get a job & excel at your special interest that’s even better, but even if you can’t & have only a few good friends at least you will be happy being you, with your own hairstyle & look & watching your favorite shows, instead of having to do boring homework to copy & please everyone else, if you know what I mean. I hope you all enjoyed my article & learned something you took away from it that will help you in the real world. You’re a wonderful person, the world should get to know the real you, you weren’t born to be a Xerox copy of someone else, that’s a waste of your life. Be proud of who you are. We need more unique, confident individuals just like you. Make your spirit shine in the world & make people glad they got to meet you & get to know you & become your new friend. Also try not to hide under a rock or in a cave or be a hermit, you’ll one day be old & look back & regret all the things you wished to do & try & people you never got to know, just because you were afraid of not being liked or different. You have nothing to lose & everything to gain, as the old saying goes, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Now everyone go out & smile & try to help make the world a better place.
Christian Berman is an Autistic artist. She has a YouTube Channel called “The Adventures of the Little Harmonic”.
