Mike Mather is the founding father of the Dharmaholic e-newsletter and neighborhood, and this hen is their mascot.
Q: Are you able to inform me about your childhood?
I used to be born in 1963 in Brisbane with 2 bigger sisters, and in 1965, a sickly brother was born. Simply earlier than my sixth birthday, David died. That 12 months, my solely male cousin choked and died, and my granddad handed after mowing the garden. Dad and I had been the one males the attention may see.
Picture taken proper earlier than Mike’s dad died and Mike acquired sober.
My father was a heavy drinker and hit the bottle onerous then, and my mum, sisters, and I suffered from that in addition to the loss. What he didn’t inform till later was that he fathered one other daughter in 1965. He was attempting to assist that baby too.
Ultimately, he stayed sober for 3 years and acquired financially and bodily match. My sisters married younger, and I used to be Mum’s just one left. Dad started to drink once more, and Mum made me a surrogate partner.
Q: How did that have an effect on your life? What about your psychological well being?
I did not find out about psychological well being then. I felt that my household was the perfect on the earth.
A sobering alcoholic is a really onerous particular person to stay with, and my dad did not have AA, remedy, or spirituality to assist him with this transformation. I bear in mind he was very strict with my sisters and me, together with ‘Be seen and never heard’, ‘Go to church on Sunday and holy days, and ‘Do what I say, not what I do’. So, my psychological well being? I used to be a crier and acquired teased about it by my brothers-in-law. I grew to become a really studious and pious boy and by no means missed a day at college, went to Mass each Sunday with my sisters or alone, and I performed all of the sports activities I may handle. In hindsight, I used to be skilled to not really feel however to do. My sisters each married after I was round 9. I used to be additionally being nurtured by my grieving mom.
Q: What occurred subsequent in your life?
I acquired my girlfriend pregnant, and we married. Adam was born. I started to drink alcohol proper from the beginning and was seeing a psychiatrist at 20. We divorced in our early 20s, and I attempted a number of promoting professions to make a profession.
From left: Sebastion, Imagen, Mike and Adam
Sebastian and Imogen had been born from a chaotic but handy relationship. I used to be fairly profitable at Actual Property and owned my very own company for some time however went bankrupt within the late twentieth Century.
Mike and Imogen
Imogen and Sebastian moved with their mom to Eire, however Sebby didn’t prefer it, so I flew him dwelling, and he lived along with his drunken Dad for 15 years. Imogen and her mom got here again to Australia. Imogen died of issues arising from her Down Syndrome in 2019. Seb now lives along with his Mum and doesn’t reply my calls.
I now have a long-term accomplice, Heather. She can also be a sober alcoholic. I obtained a small inheritance and restored a 1967 classic caravan, wherein I stay. It’s 2m × 4m. I pull it round Australia in a 20-year-old Subaru Forrester.
Q: How do you describe the hyperlink between psychological well being and alcoholism?
Alcoholism is a psychological, bodily, and religious illness. I’ve a psychological obsession to drink to alleviate ache or struggling. The bodily craving then steps in and I can not cease after I wish to. I have no idea if I used to be bipolar as a baby, however the highs for me are very excessive, and in our household, we drank to rejoice something. My melancholy feels prefer it has all the time been there, and my father suffered badly too. He would take sick depart usually and sit in entrance of the TV, shouting out for extra cups of tea for hours. When he drank, he all the time acquired drunk. I not solely noticed this as role-modelling, however I used to be powerless to do in any other case. Alcohol relieved all my struggling till it started to trigger struggling. I grew to become a morning drinker in my thirties.
Q: What about whenever you acquired sober? What lastly helped you get sober?
I’ve hardly ever labored on this century, however because of the Incapacity Assist Pension the federal government gave me after I was 44 I’ve had an earnings. I used to be again dwelling with my Mum and Dad within the coastal paradise condominium that I offered them. Dad’s lung most cancers acquired worse, and he died. One 12 months after that, I acquired sober.
I cared for my mom after I acquired sober in 2008 till she wanted full-time Excessive-care.
It took me 2.5 years of going to AA earlier than I stayed sober for greater than 50 days. I’m now 15 years sober. The week that I lastly acquired sober, I went to my first Buddhist Dharma class, and I mixed Dharma and AA for my religious resurrection.
Being a strong a part of each the Kadampa Buddhist neighborhood and AA has saved my life.
Q: How did you discover Buddhism? Are you able to describe what you felt whenever you found it?
I grew to become a reader of all issues Theological after I turned my again on faith the day after I acquired married (I used to be a grown-up now!) Japanese mysticism appeared enticing and the Beatles may need helped. Once I was scuffling with AA, and on the primary anniversary of pop’s loss of life, I picked up a flyer for a Buddhist class that was on the subsequent Thursday evening. On Monday, I acquired valium for the DTs from the physician, went to AA each day, and started to review Tibetan Buddhism in a newly shaped group in my metropolis of Gold Coast. I did a variety of service work for each organisations and felt a way of function for one thing aside from me and my household.
Q: How do you assist your self now?
I write a weekly e-newsletter structured round a 12-month cycle of Dharma and AA work. My Dharmaholic enterprise has simply made a bit earnings this week. I’ve plans to construct a platform that mixes the 2 tips supplied by Buddhist philosophy and the framework of the 12-Step Workbook. There will probably be programs to finish and other people to affiliate with that may convey reduction from struggling and a real neighborhood.
Myself, I really feel that approaching 60 with none cash or safety is frightening. I’ve the chance to share the experiences that I’ve been blessed to have with others. The digital age has actually supplied that chance.
I really feel some actual accountability to offer again what was given me. The Kadampa Buddhist neighborhood is a worldwide organisation that helps unfold Tibetan Buddhism within the West, and AA is a worldwide neighborhood that helps alcoholics obtain and preserve sanity with out ingesting.
Q: Should you may share one piece of knowledge about psychological well being and alcoholism to your youthful self, what would you share?
You are not that essential. You might be distinctive, precious, and treasured, however your life just isn’t all about you. Our interdependence is what’s actual, and always attempting to repair your individual issues is a dropping sport. Assist others and study from the expertise of giving compassion. The rewards in life come from giving of your self, not from getting for your self.
Q: What do you want individuals understood about you that they won’t?
Being an introverted, bipolar man, I are likely to benefit from the enterprise of studying do “the enterprise,” greater than really assembly and serving to individuals. No less than, that’s the story I inform myself.
I’m part of each homes—by myself phrases, in my caravan.
