In a world that often pushes us to extremes, the all-or-nothing mindset can feel like a relentless adversary—popping up to sabotage your progress toward your goals like an ever-present Whack-A-Mole, only way less cute. This mindset traps you in a loop of rigid rules and high-stakes decisions, where it seems you have to either give it your all or do nothing at all.
For those seeking better health and fitness or any kind of personal growth, this can be a serious roadblock. In fact, all-or-nothing mindset makes it much harder for you to be successful—since doing it all, right now, absolutely perfectly is the only way you feel you can be happy. And let’s face it, it’s rarely possible for any of us to do it all, right now, absolutely perfectly. So all-or-nothing thinking will doom you to rarely feel successful—fueling a ton of frustration and self-criticism.
All-or-nothing thinking makes every decision a choice between two extremes and eliminates all other possibilities. Essentially, you’re telling yourself that you’ve got to choose to: (A) Do ALL THE THINGS and go so hard that you burn out and feel exhausted; or (B) do absolutely nothing and sabotage all your past efforts toward your goal.
But what if there was another way? Instead of choosing between relentless effort or complete inaction, what if we embraced a third option—doing something? What if you could give yourself permission to strategically “half-ass” some things in your life and actually make progress toward your goals instead of feeling like you always need to start over?
I’ve helped lots of women break free from the grip of all-or-nothing mindset using the simple and effective A.C.T. Formula. Don’t worry, I’ll walk you through it.
How to Recognize Your All-or-Nothing Mindset
Somewhere along the lines, many of us learned that our value is determined by how much we do. And, if so, you might be holding an underlying belief that the more you do, the more people will value you. This can lead to an approach to life that only your 100% efforts are valuable.
But. let’s face it, 100% efforts are the exception, not the rule. Most days you won’t have 100% to give to one thing, let alone multiple things. No one can keep pressing the gas pedal to the floor without needing a break or having it forced on them from burnout, illness, or injury.
So if you believe that only 100% efforts are valuable and worth doing, you won’t take action when you can’t complete the task perfectly, do the whole workout with the same or heavier weights you did last time, or cook the perfect “healthy” meal.
If you rely on the perfect circumstances to stay committed to your goals, you won’t be taking a whole lot of action because we all know that life rarely gives us PERFECT circumstances.
In my experience as a coach, it looks a lot like this:
- “I don’t have a full hour to exercise, so I’m not going to go to the gym.”
- “I already ate like crap on Friday, so there’s no point in trying to eat healthy for the rest of the weekend.”
- “If I can’t finish cleaning the closet today, then I’m not going to start.”
- “I’ve already missed two daily walks this week so I’ll skip the rest and start over next week.”
Long-term, sustainable improvements in health, fitness, and personal growth are always incremental, done one small step-at-a-time. The all-or-nothing mindset keeps you from taking small steps which means you don’t progress. And when you are able to rally, take massive action, and leap ahead, you can’t sustain it because you can’t replicate that big leap every day or even every other day for very long.
The emotional result of the all-or-nothing mindset? A shame spiral that keeps you stuck and perpetuates the all-or-nothing thinking that got you here.
How to Break Free From All-Or-Nothing Mindset
The great news is that you CAN change this cycle by committing to three simple steps.
Awareness + Compassion + Think differently = the A.C.T. Formula.
In each moment of choosing to follow through with a commitment, run through these 3 steps:
- Bring AWARENESS to your thinking. Acknowledge the thoughts that are causing you to think your only options are to do it all perfectly or skip it altogether. See what’s really going on with curiosity. “Wow, I had a really hard time saying no today. I ended up taking on SO MUCH MORE than I really wanted to. That’s super interesting.” Or… “I feel the urge to throw out my goal of 8000 steps for the day because it’s already noon and I haven’t left the couch.” Actively notice that this is happening.
- Have COMPASSION for these thoughts instead of judging them. Now that you have drawn awareness to the all-or-nothing-ness, consider how you would you respond to a friend who was in your shoes? We’re quick to judge our own thoughts, but would have 10x more compassion if it were a friend. Be a friend to yourself. There’s a part of you that really just wants to be noticed, acknowledged, and seen without judgement.
- THINK about the situation differently. Take a logical approach. Ask yourself:
- What am I afraid will happen if I don’t do this perfectly? What do I think will happen if it’s only partially completed now?
- How can I adjust my original commitment to fit my current circumstances?
- Maybe you add in a fistful of veggies and protein to your next meal even though you had cake and pizza at your daughter’s birthday party last night.
- Maybe you put on your fav 2000’s throwback songs and have a dance party in your room for 10 minutes to get your heart rate up even though you overslept and don’t have a full hour to hit the gym.
You’ve got this, babe!
Breaking free from the all-or-nothing mindset is about embracing the power of imperfect, incremental progress. By recognizing that every small step counts and by allowing ourselves to be human, we can dismantle the rigid expectations that keep us stuck and stressed.
The A.C.T. Formula—Awareness, Compassion, and Thinking differently—offers a practical and empowering pathway to shift our mindset and cultivate sustainable personal growth. As you incorporate these steps into your daily life, remember that perfection isn’t the goal; progress is. By prioritizing these small, meaningful changes, you’ll find yourself on a more fulfilling journey toward your goals, free from the weight of unattainable perfectionism.
Ready to embrace this approach, and watch as your path to success becomes clearer and more achievable? I’ll be rooting for you! —Alex
