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Everything was going well when I began my undergraduate studies at the University of Southern California in 1999. I was concertmaster of their community orchestra on violin, working in a renowned biochemistry laboratory on DNA replication in bacteria, and was taking challenging classes, scoring high grades. I was living my dream.
When I thought of “mental illness,” people who I considered to be “weak” immediately came to mind. I didn’t understand why the mentally ill did not just pull themselves together, be strong, and get over their problems. I was confident that I would always be strong, and never be held back from doing anything I wanted to do. Essentially, at that time in my life, I knew almost nothing about brain disorders.
I also did not know that one in a hundred people will suffer from schizophrenia, and people with mental health diagnoses are everywhere; typically, we are not privy to their diagnoses.
I also thought of the mentally ill as having a lower IQ (which was entirely inaccurate) and imagined everyone with mental illness was eccentric in personality, dress, and mannerisms. The picture I had in my mind of a mentally ill person was very different than me. But I would soon find out I was wrong.
Not only did I know very little about mental disorders, but I also did not know that they run in my family. Though I know of no relatives with schizophrenia, I have three relatives who suffered for many years from treatment-resistant depression, and there were two suicide attempts in the family, separated by many years.
But my relatives were not disabled.
All three were highly successful professionals and enjoyable people. I hardly knew these relatives, but I was aware of their success. I’m confident no one outside of the immediate family knew of their struggles, though suicide claimed one of their lives.
After I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2007, eight years following my successful start at the university, I met privately with one of my relatives about mental illness. He confided in me that his greatest wish was to take his own life. However, he remembered a distant relative who had attempted suicide, unsuccessfully, and the attempt had left him impaired for the rest of his life. This relative was terrified he also would not be successful and would be left far worse off than he was before the suicide attempt. This prevented him from suicide.
But perhaps it was easier for my relatives to recognize their depression than it was for me to recognize my schizophrenia.
I wish so much that, when my schizophrenia symptoms appeared in 2002, I had the insight to realize that something serious was happening in my life. Instead, I firmly pulled away from everyone who loved and cared for me. I had never heard of delusions (fixed, false beliefs) and knew little about hallucinations or what paranoia looks like.
Today, it is my opinion that students in high school, or even younger, should be educated about mental disorders, including what the symptoms look like, and that they are treatable. They should understand that there should be no hesitation in seeking help. And for many, the earlier a person begins treatment, the better they do, for life. I know this would have helped me and my extended family members.
When I was in high school, we learned about healthy eating, getting enough sleep, exercise, safe sex, and abstinence. In my senior year, I was trained in self-defense and first aid. However, education on mental disorders was completely absent.
Looking back, I needed to learn that mental illnesses, including anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia, are physical (biological) problems. I wasn’t aware that schizophrenia results from an imbalance of neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and glutamate, along with other chemicals, some of which researchers still don’t fully understand. I was unaware that even geniuses could suffer from schizophrenia, but that many could succeed in life with the right treatment, personalized for each individual.
Most importantly, I had no idea that mental illness was something that I myself would soon be afflicted with, and would suffer from for many years before obtaining treatment and medication.
In addition, it would have been helpful to learn as a teenager about the symptoms of anosognosia, which is the absence of self-awareness and knowledge that a person is experiencing severe symptoms of schizophrenia or another serious disorder. Anosognosia is more than denial. It can happen in other physical problems, such as after a stroke when the patient is left paralyzed but believes his arms and legs are working normally. These conditions affect about one in five American adults.
Teaching young people about disorders might prepare them for whatever comes in life—mental illness in themselves or in the people they love. Talking openly about mental health would also help, as would meeting with a psychologist, counselor, doctor, or nurse practitioner. Young people may not know there is hope in treatment and that counseling and medications can radically improve a person’s life.
