As an introvert, I had never been great at making friends. But when I moved abroad, I had to find ways to build a community.
“So, you moved here from America — by yourself — and without knowing anyone?” The stranger’s tone was incredulous, and his expression showed both fascination and surprise.
I received that question, and many similar ones, after moving from the United States to Ireland about ten years ago. Some of the people I spoke with asked follow-up questions, too, such as, “But aren’t you lonely?” or “What brought you all the way here?” They often asked the latter before admitting they couldn’t imagine anyone choosing to live in Ireland — especially in a relatively small town — over the United States.
Yes, I did move from the United States alone, and it’s mostly true that I didn’t know anyone here (more on that later). And, as an introvert, I’d never been great at making friends. I find it takes a lot of effort in the early stages, though I’m very willing and eager to maintain mutually beneficial relationships.
Moving Abroad Was a Lifelong Dream — And It’s Possible for You, Too
All in all, my move to Ireland was the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. But I also recognize that international moves are out of reach for many people. They’re extremely expensive, and many countries have strict residency and work requirements.
However, I want to share how I found and nurtured new friendships and connections as an immigrant. Even if moving abroad isn’t an option for you, I think many of my experiences and tips will be useful for settling in anywhere.
5 Ways to Make Friends as an Introvert After Moving Abroad
1. Look for low-stakes opportunities to connect with others.
One of the first things I quickly realized was that I wouldn’t find a community in my new country without making a conscious and concentrated effort. At first, that reality made me feel a little queasy. As an introvert, I’d often much rather curl up on my couch with a good book than go out and mingle with people I don’t know.
However, I’ve always felt more comfortable around strangers when an event or gathering is structured — rather than, say, a party. One of the ways I met people after moving here was by attending a free late-night coffee event. Many coffee shops in Ireland at the time — and even now — did not stay open past five or six in the evening.
But some people were motivated to change that, creating informal gatherings where attendees could drink coffee, chat, or do activities together for a few hours in the evening. The idea was to offer an alternative for those who didn’t want to socialize at a pub or club. (Plus, coffee shops can be the ultimate introvert utopia!)
The one in my town had refreshments, several tables, and a huge assortment of activities. One night, I worked with a few other people to assemble a 3D puzzle of the Eiffel Tower. Another week, we learned how to play Battleship.
I loved these evenings because there was no pressure to strike up a conversation with someone I didn’t know. Conversations usually happened naturally, but they unfolded while everyone was engaged in an activity, which eased a lot of my anxiety.
Game nights offer a similar alternative and might be more common in your area. Whether these events happen weekly or less frequently, having something to look forward to can be a big help as you adjust to a new place. Before you know it, you’ll have built a community!
2. Do something that provides a routine — this way, others will count on you, and you’ll meet people in the process.
The opportunity to volunteer with a church was what initially brought me to Ireland. Although I no longer align with organized religion, I’ve found that many churches — at least the Christian ones I grew up in — offer a kind of “instant community,” even for first-time visitors. There’s often a strong emphasis on making newcomers feel welcome.
The church opportunity arose more than a year before I made my move, which is why I said earlier that it wasn’t entirely true that I moved here without knowing anyone. Several people from the church reached out to me after learning I was seriously interested in volunteering there. However, most of these connections were surface-level — just the occasional comment on my Facebook feed before I arrived.
That said, the volunteer role required me to be at the church most days of the week during certain hours. I also spent much of my time at the reception desk, greeting everyone who walked through the door. Being in a public-facing role wasn’t exactly my preference as an introvert — as I’m sure you can imagine — but it helped me get to know church members who only attended on Sundays or weren’t there as often as I was.
Having a routine was by far the most valuable part of the whole experience. It left no room for me to think, “Getting acquainted with a new country is too difficult; I’ll just stay inside today.” I knew the church staff was expecting me, and they were counting on my presence.
Even if you often feel that way, too, it’s hard — if not impossible — to meet new people by staying home. Try setting goals to get out regularly, even if it’s just for an hour or two at a time. Small steps add up, and before long, you’ll start feeling more connected.
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3. Identify common ground with others and build from there.
Finding a community is much easier when you share a common interest with the people you meet. I realized this when I took a six-week meditation class. One interesting thing about those sessions was that the teacher almost always arrived at the last minute. That left the rest of us sitting in a circle, awkwardly staring at each other while hoping he’d show up soon.
Eventually, though, some students — including myself — broke the silence by striking up conversations with prompts like, “So, how long have you been meditating?” or “What made you decide to sign up for this class?” Whether someone had been meditating for six years or was trying it for the first time, they could answer in a way that kept the conversation flowing.
I’ve had similar experiences while connecting with fellow activists. The great thing about attending events centered around social causes is that it’s usually easy to tell if most attendees share your values. For example, I know I’ll be among like-minded people at anti-racism or pro-equality events.
When you find a link between yourself and a stranger, opportunities for deeper connection can flourish. My meditation class is a perfect example. Even though it only lasted six weeks, most students joined a WhatsApp group chat. At one point, someone suggested a mindfulness center outside of our town that offered weekly online sessions. More than three years later, I’m still attending those.
One way to find common ground with others is to casually reveal your interests in conversation. For instance, imagine someone says, “Beautiful day, isn’t it?” while you’re reading on a picnic blanket at the park. You could reply, “Yes! The perfect setting for rereading The Lord of the Rings series.” Exchanges like these might not always lead to lasting friendships, but they can spark connections in ways you never expected.
4. Show your loyalty by frequenting certain spots again and again.
While it took time to build a sense of community in my new hometown, finding favorite spots happened much faster. Some of mine included an immigrant-owned coffee shop and a pub that doubled as a music venue. From my very first visit, the staff at both places were warm and welcoming — and they’ve been that way in every interaction since.
It didn’t take long before they started calling me by name and remembering my usual drink order. The idea of finding a community at a business might seem a bit unusual, and it probably helps that I live in a small town. But attending laid-back folk performances at the music venue led me to meet the owner, who is involved in local politics. That connection eventually helped me get more involved in community activism.
The coffee shop also has a bulletin board advertising everything from dog-walking services to public speaking classes. Simply browsing it on each visit helped me discover interesting activities — and sometimes, those activities led to meeting people who shared my interests. Plus, who wouldn’t appreciate a genuine smile from a friendly barista, especially soon after moving to a new town? Those small interactions were instant mood boosters.
I’d encourage you to reward friendly service with repeat visits and stay open to whatever connections might unfold. At the very least, you’ll be supporting a great local business — and you might just find yourself having meaningful conversations along the way.
5. Maintain existing relationships while building new communities.
I often think about how grateful I am that I didn’t move abroad in a time when letter-writing was the primary form of long-distance communication — and when people were lucky if their mail ever arrived. That’s why my final point is about the importance of keeping in touch with loved ones from your home country as you work to find your place in a new one.
It’s incredible to be able to connect with friends on the other side of the world in a matter of seconds. I’ll never take that for granted. As you navigate the challenges of finding new communities, remember that the people you left behind are also adjusting to your absence.
Talk with them and find the best ways to stay in touch. One of my friends prefers voice recordings — sometimes up to an hour long — while others would rather I email or text. Maintaining existing connections can give you the confidence and courage to build new ones.
Finding community might take longer than you expect. It was over a year before I truly felt comfortable after my move. And honestly, creating social connections as an introvert is always a work in progress for me. But trying some of these approaches could be a great way to get started and ease some of the anxiety that often comes with settling into a new place. 
(And if you’re ever in Ireland, let me know!)
