When you date yourself, you elevate your alone time, turning it into something truly special — rather than just the same old routine.
I’m a creature of habit. I value my time and space, and for the most part, I like things predictable. Spontaneity can be fun, but it’s also exhausting — which is why I often avoid people like the plague.
It’s not that I don’t like them, or that I’m afraid, or that I don’t know what to say. I’m an introvert, and even the threat of an unfamiliar situation drains my energy faster than Drano unclogs a sink. The amount of mental energy it takes to intelligently discuss the NFL or come up with a believable excuse for why I can’t make it to karaoke happy hour is unimaginable to my more extroverted friends. (They seem to thrive on spontaneity and living life on the edge.)
I can hold my own in these chaotic social situations, but I’ll need a nap afterward. Solitude, on the other hand, protects my energy — and I treat it like something sacred.
Falling Into a Loneliness Rut
While I adore being left to my own devices, free from surprises, I also risk becoming a total bore. I’ve gone entire weeks without speaking to anyone outside of work, eating microwavable oatmeal every morning, and losing the same game of Solitaire to myself every night.
Days like these, while pleasant and predictable, start to blur. One becomes indistinguishable from the next, and the only sign that time is passing is the dwindling supply of oats and the growing pile of dirty laundry.
If this sounds familiar, I’m here to tell you there’s another way to live. As I’ve grown up — and grown into myself — I’ve come to realize there’s more than one way to embrace my introverted nature. I can still eat oatmeal and play unwinnable card games with my old beat-up deck that’s missing a queen, and I still do from time to time.
But more often now, I choose a different approach, one that elevates my alone time and fills it with intention. I make it as special as I would for a significant other (who, thankfully, is also an introvert and understands my need for solitude). I like to call this practice “dating myself.”
Getting Out of a Loneliness Rut by Dating Yourself
Dating yourself is a way to fully embrace your introversion and make it your own. Traditional dating can be a struggle, and for too long, introversion has been framed as merely the passive opposite of extroversion.
But when you date yourself, you get to define it on your own terms. You add ritual (and maybe even a little romance) to everything. You make yourself swoon. Dating yourself means walking through the world the way you want to, instead of adapting to a world that often asks you to be something you’re not.
Too often, introverts feel the need to run or hide. There’s immense relief in escaping the extroverted whirlwind, but we deserve more than just a break from the noise. Dating yourself is a way to reclaim your space on your own terms. Here are some ideas to help you get started on the best relationship you’ll ever have — the one with yourself.
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7 Ways to Date Yourself as an Introvert
1. Play dress-up.
Some introverts are also closeted eccentrics. So, let your eccentric side out to play! Whether or not you decide to show it off in public, putting on an outfit that your inner six-year-old (or current self) would be proud of is a great way to boost your self-esteem and confidence.
As they say, we all “eat with our eyes” first. So slap on some blue lipstick, throw on a wide-brimmed velvet hat, and marvel at the person you’ve always been behind your carefully curated exterior.
2. Make yourself a playlist of love songs.
There’s nothing more romantic than a playlist that says all the things you find hard to express to the object of your affection. And when that object of affection is yourself, it’s even more powerful.
Introversion often pairs with a touch of self-deprecation, but you can overcome that through the magic of a good playlist, packed with uplifting tunes and heartfelt lyrics. The goal is to create a soundscape that makes you feel the way you’ve always wanted to feel about yourself and the world.
In essence, it’s a manifestation practice — just easier and less cringey than whispering sweet nothings to yourself in the mirror. And don’t you dare add a single sad song to this playlist — you’re not here to commiserate with yourself; you’re here to celebrate yourself.
Throw in every campy high school jam you once dreamed someone would play for you on a boombox outside your window, and embrace the butterflies that follow.
3. Cook a lavish meal for one.
I’ve eaten my fair share of beans straight from the can, standing over the sink to catch the drips of bean goo. (There’s a time and place for everything.) But if you’re looking to add a little spice to your life, start by adding a little spice to your food.
I tried really hard not to like Eat, Pray, Love, but that scene where Julia Roberts’ character makes a picnic for herself and eats it on her floor in lingerie really hits home.
The meal you cook for yourself doesn’t have to be Michelin-star-worthy, nor does it have to be eaten in lingerie, but it does need to be made with care and intention. (Culinary therapy is real!) Choose seasonal ingredients, arrange them thoughtfully on your plate, and set the table with a special touch or two — a candle, perhaps, or a single long-stemmed rose. Pay attention to every bite.
4. Take yourself on a trip.
If you can spare a day or two, there’s no better way to get to know yourself than by visiting somewhere you’ve never been. It doesn’t have to be an exotic destination — it could be as simple as a day trip to the next town over.
The idea is to step into unfamiliar surroundings to bring yourself into closer communion with you. It may be challenging to step out of your physical comfort zone, but you’ll be rewarded with the sense of internal alignment that comes from self-reliance. Push yourself a little — you’re worth it.
5. Make a bucket list: What are your hopes and dreams?
A key step in any relationship is deciding where it’s headed. If you’re romantically involved with someone else, eventually you ask the big questions: Are we getting a dog? Having kids? Maybe even opening a joint savings account?
It’s just as important to ask yourself similar questions: What do you really want to accomplish in this lifetime? This is the moment to get serious. Romance deepens when it’s built on shared goals, so decide what you are aiming for.
Maybe it’s just one thing, or maybe it’s a hundred. Either way, sit down with a clean sheet of paper and your favorite inky pen, and take the task seriously. It’s time to have the big talk — with yourself.
6. Show yourself off and take yourself out.
Once you’ve fallen deeply in love with yourself, it’s time to take the next step and show yourself off to the world. The pinnacle of dating yourself is, of course, taking yourself on an actual date. And I don’t mean a quick lunch at a sandwich shop or 15 stolen minutes browsing the magazine aisle at CVS. I mean a real date, one that requires a reservation and a thorough shower.
Taking yourself out alone is a way to celebrate the rich relationship you have with your innermost self, so plan ahead and commit to it. At first, it might feel strange to have others see you in the midst of your secret self-love affair. But if you can relax and remember that you’re still living life on your own terms, you might just enjoy how you’ve turned the outside world into your own stage. After all, isn’t that the goal?
(Speaking of taking yourself out, here are the benefits of spending time alone in public.)
7. Write yourself vows as a commitment to your wellbeing.
I know this might seem over-the-top, but if you only do one thing from this list, make it writing yourself vows. Ignoring the fact that it has become somewhat farcical in the 21st century, marriage — by definition — implies forever.
Vows are more than just symbolic — they’re a contract, a promise of commitment to someone’s wellbeing. This is something critical to have with yourself, especially as an introvert. Even with deep relationships, the introverted life involves a lot of intentional solitude.
Since we introverts often rely on ourselves, make it official. Write down, in your own words, what you promise to do for yourself, ‘til death do you part. It doesn’t have to be formal — jot down a few bullet points on a napkin if that’s your style. But make sure you sign it and keep it. It’s the most important contract you’ll ever put your name on. 
