If you’ve ever felt stuck, unable to move on from a situation or relationship, your introverted mind may be processing it deeply.
Have you ever felt stuck, like you just can’t move on from something that happened in the past? I always wondered why I got stuck on people and relationships, unable to move on and achieve that sense of peace and acceptance that would allow me to embrace the present and future wholeheartedly.
For example, I had a really close friend who I spoke to every day, someone who knew me inside and out. But after she started college, our friendship slowly faded. Even now, 10 years later, I find myself replaying old memories of our chats and inside jokes, wishing we could go back and rekindle that deep friendship that meant so much to me.
More recently, I met someone at work who was exactly what I wanted in a partner — his maturity, wisdom, and humor were everything I could have ever wanted. However, I switched departments and didn’t see him for months leading up to my last day. This left me with lingering “what ifs,” wondering what could have been, unable to truly let go and move on.
It wasn’t until later that I realized the core issue in these situations — I was lacking closure.
Situations like these might weigh heavily on the introspective, introverted mind, leaving us ruminating obsessively over the past and how it could have played out differently. You long for that profound sense of closure — the insight, acceptance, and resolution that would allow you to definitively put things behind you and move forward with a clear heart.
As an introvert, I know this feeling of lacking closure all too well. It can be maddeningly elusive.
So let me share my perspective on how we introverts can find the closure we need.
How Introverts Can Get the Closure They Need
1. Practice mindfulness.
One of the most powerful tools for introverts seeking closure is the practice of mindfulness and present-moment awareness. Our minds have a tendency to overthink — and dwell excessively on the past. I know mine does, replaying events and emotions over and over like a skipping record.
We get swamped in mental loops, obsessively rehashing details and “what ifs” until they consume our thoughts. However, by fostering the ability to redirect our focus and ground ourselves in the here and now, we can avoid getting totally stuck.
Techniques like meditation, with its concentrated attention on the breath, or body scans, which tune us into physical sensations, allow us to disengage from the cycles of rumination.
Consciously attuning to our immediate surroundings through intentional observation of sights, sounds, and sensations is another way to pull ourselves into the present. When we’re fully engaged with what is rather than what was, we create precious space to breathe, objectively reflect, and ultimately, let go.
And while solitude is a cherished part of our world — a refuge that allows us to recharge and turn inward — it’s important that we don’t isolate ourselves completely, especially when grappling with issues surrounding closure.
2. Confide in a few trusted friends.
Confiding in a few deeply trusted friends or family members who “get” us can provide invaluable support, empathy, and crucial perspective as we navigate these difficulties. Often, those closest to us — who know us well — can see our situation with more clarity than our own inner dialogue allows.
My guardian angel (as I like to call her) is a trusted friend from my past job who, despite our 30-year age gap, offers invaluable perspective and wisdom. Whenever I know I’m getting lost in my own head, I give her a call.
Her outside viewpoint and understanding shed light on negativity or distortions that have me trapped, and she helps me reframe my thoughts in a healthier, more balanced way. Speaking with her never fails to realign me with wisdom and light when I’m lost in the dark.
As difficult as it can be for us reserved souls, opening up to loved ones can be transformative.
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3. Do something introspective, like journaling.
For our deep-thinking, introverted minds, expressive activities can be incredibly therapeutic when it comes to processing complex emotions surrounding closure. Journaling through our thoughts and feelings longhand — or exploring them through other creative mediums like writing, art, music, or dance — allows us to channel our inner experiences into constructive outlets.
When I know I’m getting in my head too much and replaying scenarios, I write them down. For years, I’ve found that journaling helps halt thoughts from spiraling within my mind, so writing them down allows me to get them out of my head.
Layer by layer, these cathartic practices help us work through residual pain, confusion, anger, or any other lingering emotions until we reach acceptance and resolution.
One particularly powerful exercise that really helps me is writing an uncensored letter to the person (or relationship) I’m struggling to find closure with.
Whether it’s an old friend we drifted apart from, a romantic partner with whom we ended a relationship, or any other significant connection, writing our innermost thoughts and feelings in the form of a letter allows us to express ourselves completely — without filter or judgment.
We can pour our hearts out candidly — all the pain, regret, confusion, anger, or any other emotions we’ve been grappling with. The letter creates a container to get all of those ruminations out of our heads and onto the page in raw form. And the best part? We don’t have to worry about how it will be received because the letter is for our eyes only.
The act of openly communicating everything we’ve left unsaid and processing it in this way can be extraordinarily cathartic. Once those intense feelings are given voice through written expression, their weight often begins to lift.
We may also uncover perspectives or arrive at insights and acceptance that help us let go. While the letter itself need never be sent, the process of writing it creates profound release and clarity.
This exercise allows us to have the candid conversation we perhaps never got to have, say our piece at last, and facilitate the difficult inner work required to move forward.
4. Spend time outside or do something active.
Physical exercise and spending time immersed in nature’s beauty can also have a profound grounding and calming effect. That’s why I love a day at the beach — the waves, the sand, and the calmness of the ocean soothe my spirit.
Whether you take a walk, go for a hike, ride your bike, or do anything else that’s active, the idea is to get moving. In this way, you can focus on something other than the issue you’re trying to let go of. And chances are, you’ll get so immersed in the activity you’re doing that it will take all your concentration and energy (thankfully).
With Conscious Effort, You Can Get the Closure You Need
Ultimately, overcoming the barriers to closure requires us to actively challenge the harsh self-critique and negativity that all too often plague our deep, introverted minds.
Feelings of inadequacy, excessive rumination over what we could (or should) have done differently, and grappling with unrealistic expectations we’ve placed on ourselves (or others) — these mental patterns will only compound pain and inner turmoil, holding us back from achieving the peace and resolution we seek.
Through conscious effort, we must purposefully reframe distorted or irrational perspectives, let go of perfectionistic and overly self-critical tendencies, and instead foster complete self-compassion.
We must learn to treat ourselves — flaws and all — with the kindness, empathy, and acceptance we would offer a dear friend experiencing the same struggles.
We are deserving of care and understanding, especially from ourselves. When we can open our hearts to that form of self-acceptance, extend ourselves forgiveness, and embrace the reality that imperfection and difficulties are simply inherent parts of all human experiences, the walls of resistance begin to dissolve.
Closure becomes possible. True closure, with all the insight, release, and renewal it brings, is within reach for us all. We just have to be willing to face inwardly and reach outwardly for support, growth, and healing. 
