My introverted mind often jumps to worst-case scenarios or gets stuck on thoughts that leave me stressed.
The Dave Matthews Band song “The Best of What’s Around” includes these lyrics:
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We’ll make the best of what’s around…
This band is one of my all-time favorites, and I use this brief reminder to try my best to take life as it comes, living as positively as possible, no matter what happens.
However, upholding that ideal often conflicts with one of my introverted tendencies: getting lost in thought, which can be more negative than I’d like. When things go wrong, I’m more likely to slip into negative thinking instead of living as the lyrics urge me to.
Fortunately, I’ve discovered some practical ways to address this tendency while being kind to my introverted self.
How Introverts Can Combat Negative Thinking
1. Assess the evidence you actually have.
One of the most effective strategies I’ve adopted is to examine the actual evidence I have. For example, if my immediate assumption is that someone is upset with me because I acted reserved in a social setting, I ask myself: Do I have any proof they feel that way?
My introverted mind tends to jump to the worst-case scenario. I could easily spend hours feeling upset because I believe someone reacted negatively to something I said or did. But over the years, I’ve coached myself to look for evidence to support my fears instead of immediately giving in to them.
Did someone speak to me about something I did that made them upset? Did they send me an email expressing displeasure about anything to do with me? If not, I remind myself to seek more evidence — directly from the source, if possible — before assuming they’re unhappy with me. If I do find evidence, it’s time to take steps to resolve things.
A question I try to ask myself before spiraling into negative thoughts is, “What other conclusions could be drawn based on the facts I know?” I also separate the evidence from the emotionally-charged fears that have no factual basis. Finally, I limit the time I let myself dwell on unsupported negative thoughts.
Even though I’m generally rational, that trait doesn’t always hold up when I’m feeling emotional or worried I’ve hurt someone. Challenging myself to think of possibilities beyond what I fear most broadens my perspective and helps me see the situation more clearly.
2. Clarify through in-depth conversations with others.
My go-to method for gathering evidence is to have open conversations with the people involved as soon as possible. Recently, I experienced mistaken assumptions in reverse when a friend thought I was angry with him because I had stopped texting. I first heard about this through his partner rather than from the friend directly.
The most unsettling part of the situation was that neither my friend nor his partner mentioned that my lack of communication bothered them until several weeks into my chat-free period. This meant I had no idea there was an issue. I always prefer to resolve misunderstandings and clarify things right away, especially if someone feels hurt by my actions.
In reality, I was going through several demanding and stressful situations, none of which involved this friend. During such times, I tend to be quieter than usual, as I often internalize my struggles rather than share them.
Plus, this friend hadn’t reached out to me since I’d gone quiet. This matters because, while I’ll always respond to messages from others during tough times, I struggle to initiate contact myself. I try to handle things on my own, then might discuss them with friends once the difficulties have passed.
After speaking with both my friend and his partner, I learned they believed I was angry, which they thought explained my silence. I responded in depth, explaining my circumstances and the reason for the communication lapse.
I think we’re both on the same page now, which is a huge relief. Being an introvert has historically made it harder than I’d like to make new friends, and I definitely don’t want to risk losing the ones I have.
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3. Change your habits.
Many things that get me down stem from systemic issues, such as ableism, wealth inequality, and discrimination. It takes little more than a discouraging news story or image to dampen my mood. Although I try to make small-scale improvements through community activism, I know that many of these issues won’t be solved in my lifetime.
While I can’t change these distressing realities, I can at least limit my exposure to them and distract myself instead of getting caught up in negative thoughts.
One thing I’ve started doing in the past few months is limiting how much I scroll through news coverage. I remind myself that sensational stories tend to attract more attention, and much of that content is enraging, depressing, or otherwise harmful to my mindset.
This doesn’t mean I’m cutting myself off from world events entirely. A large part of my job involves writing about current events, so I still spend a significant portion of my 40-hour work week sourcing information from news publications.
I also realized that I often scroll through the internet out of boredom. Since this habit usually exposes me to material that triggers negative thoughts, I’m trying to recognize when I’m bored and instead engage in healthier activities that boost my emotional health.
A friend recently lent me her harp after hearing how much I miss playing (I had to leave mine in the U.S. when I moved abroad). Having it prominently displayed in my living room reminds me that playing an instrument is an excellent way to lift my mood when I’m feeling down. Similarly, if I do go online outside of work hours, I try to use that time intentionally, like listening to a podcast or watching a YouTube lecture.
4. Confide in others.
The situation with my friend incorrectly assuming I was mad at him helped me realize I need to get better at admitting when I’m struggling. That said, I’m not yet close to this particular friend, so there are others I’d turn to first to talk about life’s challenges. However, it’s interesting how much shared struggles can come up when both people in a conversation are honest and open — even if they don’t know each other well.
A few weeks ago, I was taking a taxi to the pharmacy, and the driver commented on the lightweight, portable design of my mobility aid. Eventually, she asked, “If you don’t mind me asking, is your disability from a car crash?” I explained that it wasn’t and shared that I have cerebral palsy due to birth trauma. She then told me her son had acquired a brain injury in a car accident and now lives with epilepsy as a result.
We talked about how I’ve learned to live well with my disability and how the biggest barriers I face are often society’s incorrect perceptions of my abilities, not my actual limitations. She responded, “Oh yeah, if my son even mentions his epilepsy on a job application, it’s like he’s immediately not considered. That should be illegal, but it’s his experience.”
I told her I’ve noticed the same in my life — whether it’s an interviewer staring awkwardly at my mobility aid or receiving form responses that I didn’t progress in the hiring process due to other “more suitable” candidates. No one openly says I wasn’t hired because of my disability, but after nearly 25 years in the job market, it’s clear that many employers seem to prefer candidates without disclosed disabilities.
I surprised myself by how much I opened up to this taxi driver, who was practically a stranger — she’d only driven me two or three times before. This response definitely doesn’t align with my introverted tendencies. However, facing ableism has been a significant source of negative thoughts over the past several months, and this brief exchange reminded me that others share similar struggles and frustrations, which made me feel a bit better.
Remember, Negative Thoughts Are Controllable
Although I wouldn’t claim my mind is entirely free from negative thoughts — hey, I’m not superhuman — I’ve made significant progress in recognizing when they appear and stopping myself from spiraling into unhelpful and mentally destructive cycles.
As an introvert, one of my most recognizable traits is how easily I get lost in thought. But thanks to strategies like these, I now focus more on positive and actionable ideas — and I hope the same for you. 
