Narcissists often think of themselves as victims. They use this false identity to manipulate people and gain sympathy.
Growing up with a narcissistic mother has made me keenly aware of narcissists and toxic people. Although undiagnosed, my mother exhibits all the classic traits of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD): She lacks empathy, demands to be the center of attention, feels entitled, manipulates others, and refuses to take responsibility for her actions.
As an introvert, being around narcissists — or other toxic personalities — is especially challenging because they never allow me to simply exist in peace. If you’re an introvert, you can probably relate. Narcissists thrive on negative energy; they’re only satisfied when they provoke a reaction, which is why they constantly cultivate drama. Spending extended time with a narcissist can leave you with your self-esteem in shreds, feeling angry, agitated, sad, alone, empty, or overwhelmed. And because we introverts tend to be attentive listeners and highly empathetic, we may be particularly vulnerable to getting drawn into their chaos.
It took me many years — and many encounters with narcissists — to finally recognize that my mother was one. The first step in dealing with narcissists is identifying their traits. While only a mental health professional can make a formal diagnosis of NPD, you can still spot the red flags of narcissistic behavior and protect yourself accordingly.
5 Signs of a Narcissist
1. They lack empathy.
It’s impossible to feel seen or heard by someone who lacks empathy. Narcissists are unable to appreciate anyone else’s perspective or connect with your emotions. Their world revolves entirely around themselves, leaving little room for concern or sympathy for others.
Interestingly, they may view themselves as sensitive and are quick to react if they perceive they’re being treated unfairly. However, this sensitivity is entirely self-focused. They remain indifferent to the emotions, struggles, or experiences of others.
For introverts, who value deep, meaningful one-on-one conversations, this dynamic can be particularly frustrating. Narcissists are incapable of engaging in the kind of genuine, heartfelt connection that introverts crave.
2. Nothing is ever their responsibility, and they see themselves as “victims.”
Narcissists have an impressive ability to avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes, failures, or actions with negative consequences. Yet, they have no problem taking credit for successes, even if they had little or no role in achieving them. They want all the praise and recognition without any accountability.
To avoid blame, they often see themselves as “victims.” Anything anyone has ever done to them — or any difficult situation they’ve faced — becomes part of their victim narrative. They use this status to manipulate others and gain sympathy. For example, my elderly mother, who has many health problems, never refers to herself as a patient — only as a victim.
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3. They have no boundaries and won’t respect yours.
Boundaries don’t mean much to a narcissist. They want full access to your life, and when you set a boundary, they see it as a challenge or even an insult.
Narcissists need to feel in control, and boundaries get in their way. For example, you could tell a narcissist over and over that smoking isn’t allowed in your house, but they might still light up a cigarette after Thanksgiving dinner, ignoring your wishes completely.
For introverts, setting boundaries can already be difficult, and dealing with a narcissist makes it feel almost impossible.
4. They act superior because they think they’re better than everyone else.
Narcissists often act like they’re the most important and entitled people in the world, even when there’s nothing to back it up. They believe their opinions are the only ones that matter, and they’re always right — even when it’s clear they’re not. They crave constant praise and validation because, deep down, they’re insecure.
This belief that they’re better than everyone is why narcissists need people to give them attention and emotional energy. Introverts, who tend to be great listeners and value meaningful connections, can become easy targets. If you’re a people-pleasing introvert, narcissists may take advantage of that even more.
5. They want you to share personal information about yourself so they can use it against you later.
Never trust a narcissist with your secrets. If you do, those secrets will likely come back to haunt you. Narcissists are manipulative, jealous, and self-centered. They don’t do balanced relationships or ones based on mutual respect. Instead, they want you to share every detail about your life without holding back — while keeping their own lives private.
Their goal is to get you to trust them, love them unconditionally, and believe they have your best interests at heart. But once they have your personal information, they’ll use it to hurt you. They might gaslight you, making you doubt yourself and feel like you’re the one with the problem.
Now that you can spot the signs of a narcissist, here are some tips on how to deal with them.
Tips for Introverts to Deal With Narcissists
1. Limit how much contact you have with them.
Introverts are usually careful about who we let into our lives, but toxic people — especially narcissists — are skilled at finding a way in. Sometimes, we’re stuck with people we didn’t choose, like family members or coworkers, who have a permanent place in our lives.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a “Narcissist Be Gone” app that could magically remove them? Unfortunately, that’s not reality. Even if a narcissist seems to move on or lose interest in you, don’t get too comfortable — they often find a way to come back.
While a narcissist may make you feel like you have no control, that’s not true. You can limit your time and energy around them. For example, at a family gathering, bring someone along to act as a buffer. If it’s a coworker, try to avoid being assigned to the same projects.
If you have to interact with a narcissist regularly, remind yourself that they don’t have real power over you. You’re not here to serve them. Focus on living your best life — whether that’s pursuing hobbies, practicing self-care, or spending time with supportive people. This will help you stay strong and avoid being pushed around.
2. Avoid direct confrontation, as you’ll likely end up feeling worse.
Confrontation isn’t usually an introvert’s favorite thing, but sometimes, for your own mental health, it’s necessary to stand up for yourself. If you decide to confront a narcissist, it’s important to express your feelings while keeping your expectations low.
Narcissists don’t handle criticism well. They have a fragile sense of self and won’t take kindly to being told they’re wrong or flawed. Instead of reflecting on their behavior, they’re more likely to react with anger, denial, blame-shifting, twisting the story to suit their narrative, ignoring you, or playing the victim. None of these responses are healthy or rational.
The hard truth is that narcissists don’t change, even if they promise to or even if you wish they would. Instead of confronting them directly and triggering these defensive reactions, try venting to a trusted friend or therapist, or write your thoughts in a journal or a letter. You don’t have to send the letter — just writing it can help you feel a sense of relief and clarity.
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3. Don’t take their behavior personally — it’s not about you, it’s about them.
As introverts, we’re often sensitive to what other people are putting out, and this can make us vulnerable when dealing with narcissists. It’s easy to feel responsible or take the blame when the narcissist refuses to. But it’s not your job to fix the chaos they create — or to fix them.
Narcissists are skilled at avoiding accountability and blaming others for their actions. They often play the victim and shift the responsibility onto those around them. If a narcissist is behaving badly, accusing you of things you didn’t do, or overreacting to something minor, remind yourself that their behavior isn’t about you. Their reaction is their choice, and it reflects their inability to see the truth or respond appropriately.
You’re not responsible for their emotions or their mess. Focus on protecting your own peace instead of taking on the role of damage control.
4. Learn about narcissist manipulation tactics and watch out for gaslighting.
Narcissists are expert manipulators, using various tactics to control others. Some common methods include:
- Micro-manipulation: Subtle actions designed to gain sympathy and empathy.
- Love-bombing: Overwhelming someone with gifts, attention, and affection to gain control.
- Projection: Blaming others for their own negative feelings or behaviors (e.g., accusing their partner of cheating when they’re the one being unfaithful).
One of the most damaging tactics is gaslighting, where the narcissist denies reality to make someone doubt their own memory or perception. For example, when confronted about their mistakes, a narcissist might say:
- “Are you sure it happened like that?”
- “You’re crazy to believe that.”
- “You’re not remembering it right.”
The goal is to make the other person question their version of events — and even their sanity. For introverts, who are natural overthinkers, being gaslit can make this tendency even worse. Recognizing these manipulation tools is the first step to protecting yourself from their effects.
5. Remember that you’re amazing, and keep building your self-esteem.
Narcissists crave attention and will sacrifice others to get it. They can harm your sense of self and confidence, devaluing you as a way to keep you under their control. They don’t want you to feel good about yourself because if you do, you might put yourself first and remove them from your life.
Remind yourself daily that you’re wonderful and have many incredible qualities and talents. Write positive notes to yourself and leave them around your home, or make lists of what makes you special. Focus on activities that bring you happiness, health, and a sense of wholeness. If it feels silly, remember that narcissists work hard to tear you down to keep you under their influence — you don’t have to let them succeed.
Narcissists will try to undermine and weaken you, but the stronger your belief in yourself, the more protected you’ll be from their lies, manipulations, and mind games. You have the power to stand up to them and stay resilient.
6. Instead of losing touch with people, strengthen your relationships and support systems.
Introverts don’t need a huge circle of friends — we thrive with one, two, or a small group of close, trustworthy people who truly understand us. Unfortunately, even this can be too much for a narcissist, who may try to isolate you from others. For example, they might dislike someone you introduce them to without any valid reason. They could physically separate you from loved ones by encouraging you to move away. Or, in a sneakier move, they might befriend your friends and try to turn them against you.
It’s normal to spend less time with family and friends when you’re in a new relationship. But if you’re involved with a narcissist, it’s essential to actively maintain and strengthen your support system. Reach out to old friends, spend time with loved ones, or make an effort to meet new people. Surround yourself with healthy relationships — people who have your back and accept you for who you are without trying to manipulate or change you.
7. Strengthen your boundaries and don’t accept harmful behavior from anyone.
It’s true that narcissists often ignore boundaries, but boundaries aren’t for them — they’re for you. Take the time to get clear on your limits and decide what you will and won’t tolerate.
Boundaries send a message, even if you don’t explicitly state them to the narcissist. They show that you’re standing up for yourself and create a strong foundation to protect your well-being. Boundaries give you a sense of control and security, which is essential when dealing with narcissists.
Your boundaries can cover many areas, such as:
- Your time: Decide how much of it you’re willing to spend with the narcissist.
- Communication: Consider muting their messages on your phone so you only respond when you’re ready and on your terms.
- Topics of conversation: Set limits on what you’re willing to discuss, especially if certain topics tend to escalate into arguments or manipulative behavior.
Remember, boundaries are there to protect you, not to change the narcissist.
8. Realize you’ll never please them, and get better at saying “no” and standing up for yourself.
It’s easy to feel like you’re losing yourself in a narcissist’s endless demands. You don’t want conflict, and it can feel easier to go along with them rather than stand up for yourself and face their anger.
But the truth is, you can’t keep living this way forever. Eventually, everything you’ve bottled up will surface. Instead of letting it all explode, start taking steps to be your own best advocate. Speak up for yourself, even if it causes some conflict, and avoid doing things you don’t truly want to do.
Saying “no” can be hard, but the more you practice, the more confident and empowered you’ll feel. Over time, you’ll strengthen your ability to handle criticism and conflict.
Always prioritize your emotional well-being, especially when dealing with a toxic personality like a narcissist. You are here to make a positive impact, express your truth, and grow as a person. Dealing with a narcissist is challenging for introverts, but you can handle it — and in the process, you’ll build your self-worth. 
