Randye Kaye is the co-creator and host of the popular podcast, Schizophrenia: 3 Moms in the Trenches. She is the Connecticut State Trainer for NAMI’s Family-to-Family Course, and is the author of Ben Behind His Voices: One Family’s Journey From the Chaos of Schizophrenia to Hope (Bowman & Littlefield,2011 and Front Porch Press audiobook 2022), and Happier Made Simple: Choose Your Words. Change Your Life (Front Porch Press, 2022). She’s also an actor, voice talent, radio broadcaster, audiobook narrator, teacher and speaker. She has spoken at CIT International, American Psychiatric Association, APNA, and The Missouri Behavioral Health Council.
Her son, Ben, has been hospitalized over ten times for schizophrenia. With proper recovery support (structure, purpose, love/community and treatment – what Randye calls the “4 Pillars”) enjoyed a period of recovery which included full-time work and two years of college. Recently, though, in a brush with police not trained in Crisis intervention, he is currently incarcerated, awaiting a bed in a jail diversion program.
The wait is long, but there is hope.
Tell us about yourself.
I wear a lot of hats other than the personal ones of mom, grandma, wife, sister, friend…I earn my keep as an actress, radio personality, singer, author, speaker, voice talent, audiobook narrator, improviser, teacher. Seems scattered, right? But there’s a thread running through all those professions, even though it took hindsight for me to see it. The common thread is communication: via body and voice, and more specifically, the words we choose: words we write, words we speak, words we choose to tell our stories to ourselves and each other. I’ve been lucky enough to share words through my work – from framing life’s little surprises on a radio show, to mining them for laughs and lessons on stage or as a teacher, to a big share in my first book Ben Behind His Voices.
What inspired you to write about your family experience with mental illness?
During the years of the gradual onset of Ben’s schizophrenia, the crisis periods, and finally the first glimmers of hope, I was struggling to support my family as a single parent with several jobs, so I barely had time to think about what was happening. I was a morning radio personality with a top local station, supplementing that with voiceover and theatre work, and eventually became active in NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) as well. I had time to react, but not to reflect.
It wasn’t until the radio station and I divorced (so to speak) and I could finally sleep past 3 a.m. that I started to really piece together where our family had been, where we now were, and how we’d gotten there. With six months of severance pay as part of my departure package (an unbelievably rare occurrence for an actor), and so many friends telling me to write this book, I finally said yes.
Why? Because very few people, both inside and outside our circle of friends and family, seemed to have any understanding of what schizophrenia was, and what all of us had been through. Ben deserved respect, not fear – and I wanted to promote understanding and reduce stigma by telling our story, through the eyes of a mother as well as those of a NAMI educator.
Why your second book?
As I toured around the country (and overseas) to talk with audiences about our family story of mental illness, people began to ask how I could manage to “stay so positive” despite these challenges. I had also begun to study positive psychology and found advice to be accurate and insightful but also often overly complex and devoid of humor. So I wrote a different kind of book to fill that need.
Give a brief description of your book, Happier Made Simple™.
Happier Made Simple™ helps people who feel held back by anxiety and doubt become happier and more confident every day by making simple word changes – with a dash of humor – so that they can enjoy more love, purpose and success in their lives.
In three easy-to-digest sections, it presents “shortcuts to more serenity in a complicated world” by harnessing the power of the words we use in everyday life – in the way we speak to ourselves, and with others.
Section I busts old myths about “happiness” and sets realistic expectations
Section II lays out Seven Core Phrases, in Concepts that spell BREATHE. Readers can try out these phrases right away to reduce anxiety, reframe situations and increase serenity. Explanations follow the actions.
Section III goes beyond self-talk to touch on a few more concepts to explore and try, including the words we use when we speak to others, and actions that can make a difference right away.
Like you, I’ve been through stuff. As my grandmother used to say, “everybody’s got something.” But we do tend to differ in the way we react to life’s challenges and joys. As I shared my own experiences with audiences and workshop participants, so many asked me how I “stay so positive” that they inspired me to share my answers in this book.
I include stories of my own challenges so far –marriage to an alcoholic, desertion of the aforementioned spouse, single parenting, supporting my family as an actor, losing my parents, serious mental illness in my son, a big DNA surprise, learning to love and trust again, the journey back from being hit by a car.
You have a popular podcast with two other Moms/authors/advocates, Mindy Greiling and Miriam Feldman. Tell us about Schizophrenia: 3 Moms in the Trenches. The three of us met online, during Covid, when Mimi and Mindy’s books had just been released. We have since met in person, but only in pairs – someday the three of us will be in the same room!
We are approaching episode 82 as I write this, and have almost 150,000 downloads of episodes so far. Many have written to say that the podcast is their only source of support and information, though many of our shows are designed to introduce listeners to other valuable resources.
Our official description:
Schizophrenia in the Family. How do we cope? How can we help? We each have adult sons with schizophrenia and have written acclaimed books about it. We say it like it is, to help families, practitioners and those with SMI (serious mental illness) feel less alone…and learn. Randye Kaye, Mindy Greiling, Miriam Feldman…and guests.
The other two Moms?:
Miriam Feldman – is an artist, writer, and the mother of an adult son with schizophrenia. Her book, He Came in With It A Portrait of Motherhood and Madness chronicles her family’s story and was released to rave reviews on July 21st, 2020.
Mindy Greiling – Mindy Greiling was a member of the Minnesota House of Representatives for twenty years. She helped found the nation’s first state mental health caucus, which successfully lobbied for a significant increase in Minnesota’s mental health funding Her acclaimed memoir is Fix What You Can.
