The teen years bring major changes in how kids socialize. Girls form tight-knit cliques, boys compete to one-up each other, and friend groups shift, making classrooms feel like social minefields.
For teens on the autism spectrum, these changes can add stress and uncertainty, making it even harder to keep up.
Strong social skills for teens are key to navigating this tricky stage, helping them build confidence, connect with others, and avoid feeling left out. With the right guidance and support, your teen can learn to manage these challenges and find their place among peers. Here’s how you can help.
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Autism Social Skills:
How to Enhance Social Interaction
Why are social skills important during adolescence?
The teen years bring a shift in how much we value peer opinions and influence. This can make the lack of healthy friendships feel especially isolating, and teasing may hurt a lot more.
However, even one or two good friends can make a big difference. Growing up, I only had one close friend at a time, but that was enough to feel likable, valued, and cared for.
As an autistic teen, I was often labeled as awkward, unfriendly, robotic, annoying, or weird. Yet, I was trying my hardest to be friendly and do what I saw other kids do. I didn’t understand why what I did was so different from others.
I understand better now that the key difference was that I wasn’t comfortable around other people or with myself. I was trying too hard to be like everyone else, which never worked.
Since I was the one constant in every bad encounter, I blamed myself. I became convinced that something must be fundamentally wrong with me.
Years later, therapy helped me undo the damage of those beliefs, and I’ve found self-acceptance. I’ve built healthy friendships and become more comfortable with myself and others. Now, I can confidently navigate most social situations.
I am the same person, so what changed? Being autistic, or different, wasn’t ever the problem. The problem was that I, and some other people, believed that wasn’t okay.
When I started leaning into being who I was, accepting my autistic communication style, and getting comfortable with people, everything started to change. And these are things that most social skills classes don’t teach.
Are social skills classes for teens a good choice?
Most social skills classes for teens focus on basics, such as:
They often reduce conversations to rigid scripts that don’t reflect how people naturally interact. When you use these standardized lines in real life, others can quickly tell it’s rehearsed.
Instead of creating a natural flow, it leads to yet another uncomfortable interaction. This cycle doesn’t build confidence; it reinforces the belief that socializing is something you’re just not good at.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of scripts. However, they should be examples of how to say something, which can then be tailored to fit the speaker’s personality and the situation at hand.
Many social skills classes stress the importance of maintaining eye contact, but when was the last time you held eye contact during a casual conversation for more than a moment?
Studies show people glance at each other’s eyes briefly and then look away, repeating this pattern. Yet, teaching autistic kids to hold eye contact for several seconds often makes them come off as uncomfortable in real social situations.
Exploring social skills groups for teenagers
Rather than social skills classes, I prefer social groups for teenagers led by autistic adults. These groups focus on providing a space for interaction rather than explicitly teaching social behaviors.
They gain repeated, positive experiences of being with others in a comfortable setting. When needed, they receive guidance from an adult who understands autistic communication, which can help them feel more at ease expressing their natural communication style.
These groups often revolve around a particular topic, such as Minecraft, music, books, etc. Other groups may simply serve as an opportunity for teens to meet with other teens and discuss various topics.
Either way, they offer a collaborative and supportive environment where teens can have repeated experiences of being accepted and appreciated for who they are.
You may find groups like this in your community or at school, but it is more likely to find them online. For example, I know of a few autistic adults who host virtual autistic teen meetups.
Tips for parents trying to improve social skills for teenagers
Parents and caregivers can also help their autistic teens by explaining social situations in ways autistics learn best.
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When your kid tells you about a social situation that was confusing for them, help them understand by explaining it in detail. For example, you can focus on:
- why that happened,
- what the other person intended by what they said,
- what was implied but wasn’t said,
- other possible ways they could respond in the future.
Here’s the important part: we need the why. We need to understand why something happened, was or wasn’t said, and why what they did differed from what others have done.
For example, “She laughed because what you said was unexpected. It was so specific and detailed, and that’s unusual. That creates a feeling of tension, and one way that people reduce tension is by laughing.
“Did you notice that afterward, she answered your question? She just needed that moment to readjust her thoughts, and then you two kept talking. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
This is really hard for non-autistics. Most neurotypicals learn to pick up on social cues naturally and have trouble explaining the dynamics behind social interactions.
However, autistic adults often share these explanations online. We’ve spent years figuring it out through trial and error, and when someone directly explains a social situation, it can feel like a breakthrough.
Some of us get very good at explaining social dynamics and sometimes start social groups for autistic teens to save the next generation a lot of frustration.
How to find the right social skills class or group for your teen
Look for social groups or classes led by adult autistics. Ideally, these would be without an attendance requirement, but they have a track record of kids coming back willingly long-term.
This will show that the kids are comfortable and getting value from the group. It also needs to be a good personality fit for your teen. Groups that revolve around a specific topic may be more comfortable to start with, as the subject provides a natural form for the conversation.
Fostering social skills for a brighter future
The key thing is that socializing isn’t primarily about social skills. That’s the smallest factor and the last one to focus on. You can recite all the social scripts, know the curriculum by heart, do exactly what they taught you, and still be super awkward around people.
The most important thing is to get comfortable with yourself first and then with others. Truly believe that you are likable, that you matter, and that it is okay to be your wonderful, autistic self.
Download your FREE guide on
Autism Social Skills:
How to Enhance Social Interaction
Focusing on radical acceptance can help your autistic teen build strong relationships, even with the ups and downs of teen dynamics. Allow their natural communication style to emerge, and offer clear explanations about social situations without judgment or blame.
It made all the difference when I shifted my focus from “saying the right thing” to accepting that it was okay to be my weird self. That’s when communication started to become more comfortable, and my anxiety gradually faded.
FAQs
Q: What does a lack of social skills look like?
A: A lack of social skills may manifest as difficulty understanding or responding to social cues, such as tone of voice or body language. It can also involve challenges in maintaining conversations or forming relationships with others.
Q: What causes poor social skills?
A: Poor social skills can be caused by developmental conditions like autism or ADHD, which affect communication and social interaction. Additionally, trauma, anxiety, or a lack of social exposure can contribute to difficulties in socializing.
Q: Do social skills improve with age?
A: Social skills can improve with age as individuals gain more life experience and opportunities for social interaction. However, for some, consistent practice and support may be necessary for significant improvement.
Q: How do I get my child to be more social?
A: Encourage socialization through structured activities like playdates or group classes that match their interests. Ensure they feel comfortable and supported. Model positive social behaviors and provide praise for small social successes to build confidence.
References
Moody, C. T., & Laugeson, E. A. (2020). Social skills training in autism spectrum disorder across the lifespan. Psychiatric Clinics, 43(4), 687-699. https://www.psych.theclinics.com/article/S0193-953X(20)30053-8/abstract
Ali, M. R., Razavi, S. Z., Langevin, R., Al Mamun, A., Kane, B., Rawassizadeh, R., … & Hoque, E. (2020, October). A virtual conversational agent for teens with autism spectrum disorder: Experimental results and design lessons. In Proceedings of the 20th ACM international conference on intelligent virtual agents (pp. 1-8). https://dl.acm.org/doi/abs/10.1145/3383652.3423900
Soares, E. E., Bausback, K., Beard, C. L., Higinbotham, M., Bunge, E. L., & Gengoux, G. W. (2021). Social skills training for autism spectrum disorder: A meta-analysis of in-person and technological interventions. Journal of Technology in Behavioral Science, 6, 166-180. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s41347-020-00177-0
Jonsson, U., Olsson, N. C., Coco, C., Görling, A., Flygare, O., Råde, A., … & Bölte, S. (2019). Long-term social skills group training for children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorder: a randomized controlled trial. European child & adolescent psychiatry, 28, 189-201. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00787-018-1161-9
