Hugging is a common way for people to express affection to each other. However, many people have different comfort levels regarding physical contact, making respecting personal space very important.
When it comes to autism and hugging, responses can vary greatly due to sensory sensitivities and unique social dynamics. It’s important not to generalize, as each person has their own comfort level with physical affection.
Some individuals may love hugs as they provide a calming and soothing sensation. However, others may find hugging uncomfortable or overwhelming due to sensory sensitivities or personal boundaries.
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Why hugging preferences vary in autism
Autistic individuals often experience sensory input differently from others. These sensory preferences can directly influence how autistic children perceive hugging.
Autistic individuals often experience either hypersensitivity, where they react strongly to touch, or hyposensitivity, where they have a reduced response to it.
While many people may find hugging to be a natural way to express affection, some autistic people may feel that it doesn’t come naturally to them. This can make hugging seem confusing or unnecessary.
For example, an autistic woman has been friends with someone for six months. After a night out, her friend offers a hug, thinking they’re close enough.
The autistic woman declines and asks for a high five instead.
Initially confused, the friend later understands and respects her boundaries, choosing not to offer hugs in the future.
Autism and tight hugs
Many autistic people enjoy tight, deep-pressure hugs because such a motion can greatly calm their emotional well-being. The pressure may also feel similar to how a weighted blanket can feel.
This can be super helpful to limit any nervous system disturbances a person may have, such as anxiety and sensory overload.
However, if the child gets too overly touchy or has clingy behavior, people can teach them more appropriate behavior while meeting their sensory preferences.
For example, an autistic child who seeks tight hugs when excited or overwhelmed may receive hugs from family members when appropriate. However, they must also remind him about boundaries and that not everyone is comfortable with constant tight hugs.
The family might introduce lighter touches, like gentler hugs, or offer a weighted blanket to create a supportive environment.
Autism and aggressive hugging
Hugging can sometimes become overly enthusiastic or even feel aggressive. In such cases, it’s important to address the behavior, particularly if it makes others uncomfortable.
It’s important to understand that an autistic person doesn’t want to display intentional aggressive behavior. However, this often stems from trying to meet their sensory needs, an inability to understand social boundaries, and not being able to understand if their hug is too tight or not.
When discussing behavior, it’s important to explain what types of physical touch are appropriate, like giving a teammate a fist bump after a goal. It’s also crucial to teach the importance of respecting personal space.
For example, a therapist might create social stories. These stories could explain when hugs are appropriate, such as greeting someone after a long time apart. They could also emphasize that hugging strangers or aggressive hugging should be avoided in social situations.
Challenges with personal space and social dynamics
Autistic kids and adults can often have trouble reading the room. They may have difficulty understanding social norms with personal space and physical touch.
Often, they may not recognize when a person is comfortable or uncomfortable with a hug until they tell them not to.
You can teach the person appropriate social skills, like asking for a hug instead of approaching someone without permission. It’s also important to emphasize that they should always accept “no” and not insist further.
In addition, you can help them by teaching phrases such as, “Is it okay if I give you a hug?” instead of “May I please have a hug?”
Use visual cues for personal space, such as no squeezing when hugging. Try teaching alternative ways to express affection, such as waving or smiling. Role-playing different scenarios can also be effective for the person’s social development.
Tips for encouraging positive hugging experiences
To encourage safe and positive social interactions around hugging, find a balance between helping the person respect boundaries and providing enough support.
Consider the following:
- Talk about seeking consent: Have them understand that they should always ask if a hug is welcome, either verbally or by simply spreading their arms out, not too close to the person.
- Show what a gentle hug looks like: You should model a gentle hug and explain how a light hug can still be meaningful.
- Make good use of sensory input alternatives: If the person is especially keen on tight hugs, you can offer weighted blankets, firm hand squeezes, or other deep-pressure activities.
- Help them understand boundaries: Have the person understand that if an individual doesn’t want a hug, they should respect that boundary and find other positive ways to connect. Provide alternatives, such as giving a compliment that isn’t too over-the-top.
Understanding and respecting autism and hugging preferences
What many people may see as a simple physical gesture can be something that autistic people may give a lot of thought to.
Everyone should respect boundaries, regardless of whether they adore hugs, prefer tight ones over light ones, or don’t want them at all.
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When you prioritize strong communication and teach an understanding of consent, you create a supportive space for your autistic loved one.
FAQs
Q: How does someone with autism show affection?
A: Autism is a spectrum, so there are many ways in which they express affection. They can spend time with people they care about, participate in shared activities, or have physical contact with others.
Q: Do autistic people like hugs?
A: Preferences can greatly vary from person to person. Some may adore hugs, especially when they’re firm, while others may feel overwhelmed by them.
Q: Can autistic people be cuddly?
A: Some can thoroughly enjoy cuddling, particularly if it meets their sensory needs, but this may not apply to everyone.
Q: Why don’t some autistic people like hugs?
A: Some autistic people may avoid hugging because they aren’t comfortable with physical touch, have strong sensory sensitivities, or have strong personal boundaries with it.
References
Christopher, S. (2019). Touch hypersensitivity in children with autism–An analysis. International Journal of Research and Analytical Reviews, 6(2), 616-622. http://ijrar.com/upload_issue/ijrar_issue_20543588.pdf
Chaidi, I., & Drigas, A. (2020). Autism, expression, and understanding of emotions: literature review. https://www.learntechlib.org/p/218023/
Candini, M., Giuberti, V., Manattini, A., Grittani, S., di Pellegrino, G., & Frassinetti, F. (2017). Personal space regulation in childhood autism: Effects of social interaction and person’s perspective. Autism Research, 10(1), 144-154. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/aur.1637
Georgiou, A. (2021). ” I don’t mind people hugging me when I’m happy”: autistic individuals’ experience of emotions on their sensory world: an interpretative phenomenological analysis (Doctoral dissertation, London Metropolitan University). http://repository.londonmet.ac.uk/id/eprint/6984
