For introverts, it may be easier to craft beautiful sentences in their heads than to express those same thoughts aloud in the moment.
Why are you so quiet?
As an introvert, I’ve been asked this question countless times. It mostly happened when I was a child, but I distinctly remember one instance in high school when someone asked if I was mute. I replied that I simply didn’t like talking that much.
Growing up, I was the shy girl who preferred reading and writing stories over engaging in conversation. Classmates would ask me this question, while teachers and other adults would often sigh and comment, “Oh, she’s so quiet!”
Not all introverts are shy and quiet, but I happen to possess both these traits. And, I require much more alone time than most people around me.
In an effort to help the world better understand us “quiet ones” — and perhaps spare some of my fellow introverts from having to answer this annoying question — here are five reasons why an introvert might not be talking.
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Why Introverts Aren’t Talking
1. Relax, we’re just thinking.
As introverts, we often reflect on our experiences and observe details in our surroundings. We’re constantly thinking and overthinking, sifting through the thoughts in our heads. Sometimes, while talking, we might get distracted by the sound of someone’s voice, their facial expressions, or the unique words they choose that reflect their personality. This doesn’t mean we’re not good listeners. In fact, many introverts are excellent listeners. However, when it’s our turn to speak, that’s often when things can get tricky.
Introverts often find it easier to form beautiful sentences in their minds rather than deliver those thoughts aloud on the spot. (Want to know why? Here’s the science behind why introverts may find speaking difficult.) I need a moment to gather what I’m trying to say and ensure it carries the right meaning. Sometimes, I overthink how to express a certain idea so much that I end up stuttering or even saying the complete opposite of what I intended!
There are also times when I simply don’t feel like talking. The world around us can be quite beautiful, and sometimes I just want to take it all in without being distracted by small talk.
The takeaway: If you wonder why an introvert seems aloof or uninterested during a conversation, keep this in mind: They’re probably not secretly shunning you or disliking your company. They may just be deep in thought and not comfortable talking at the moment.
2. We live for peace and quiet.
I need quiet to hear myself think and to collect myself, especially after being around people all day at work. Introspecting helps me find meaning in the world and my life. To truly make sense of my experiences, I need a moment — let’s be honest, several moments — of silent observation. Excessive noise can become overwhelming, leaving me frustrated and unable to think.
Not too long ago, after leaving work for the day, I realized how much I was craving silence. I said goodbye to my chatty coworkers, left the noisy room, and entered an empty hallway. Instantly, I felt a tremendous sense of relief. The room hadn’t even seemed that loud or crowded, but somehow, my mind and body had unconsciously felt uncomfortable in that environment.
Peace and quiet provide the undistracted thinking time that all introverts need. (Here are some more things all introverts need to be happy.) I certainly require a period of silence every day to avoid feeling overwhelmed by the constant extroversion of the world.
The takeaway: All introverts need space. While they’re not the only ones who need it, they may need it more than others. Peace and quiet offer this much-needed breathing room, allowing us to recharge. Then perhaps we can hang out later.
3. Honestly, we’re drained.
For two years, I worked in a call center helping people solve technical issues. Before I became a shift lead, I handled about 30 calls a day, depending on the length of my shift. At the end of the day, I was often drained. My brain felt like jelly after talking to and emailing clients, and when it was time to go home, I wanted to retreat to my bedroom and not speak to anyone. For introverts, the act of talking can be exhausting and even stressful.
When I became a shift lead, I didn’t need to take as many calls, but I spent more time walking around the office assisting other agents, which required face-to-face interactions — something I always dreaded growing up. Nevertheless, I persevered, and it taught me a lot about myself.
Introverts can easily become worn out by social interactions. It can be mentally — and sometimes physically — overwhelming to be in a crowd for long hours or even after speaking for a short time. For me, it slows my thinking and can even cause headaches, especially when I’m frustrated trying to find the right words. If I’ve been out all day hanging out, working, or even grocery shopping, I’m tapped out and need to retreat to a quiet space to rejuvenate my mind.
The takeaway: If an introvert leaves a party early or shies away from extended social time, it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t want to be around you. They may just need time to recover after being busy or social.
4. We’re very private people.
Some people enjoy talking about themselves and sharing what’s happening in their lives, whether it’s something light or deep. For me, whenever I divulge anything even remotely personal, I instantly feel a wave of vulnerability, as if I’m exposed to the world. I don’t like people knowing everything about me. I’m a very private person; it took me years to finally decide to try blogging. It’s always been easier for me to put my thoughts into writing rather than speak them aloud.
Some introverts prefer not to talk about themselves. It can feel more comfortable to think, observe, and nod rather than engage and participate actively.
The takeaway: Because introverts may not talk often, answering personal questions can feel daunting. Be patient; in time, introverts will open up when they feel comfortable.
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5. It’s just who we are — and that’s okay.
I consider myself an introvert among introverts. There were times, especially in high school, when I would come home having not said a word all day, to the point that my voice would become hoarse when I finally spoke from lack of use. While I did crave human interaction at times, I mostly enjoyed recording my thoughts on paper and observing everyone around me.
Being an introvert goes beyond these few points. In the end, being quiet is just who we are. You don’t have to talk all the time to be noticed or feel important. It’s okay to feel more comfortable in quiet places rather than in large crowds. Everyone has a niche where they belong. Just because someone seems outgoing doesn’t mean they don’t also need alone time. I believe it’s important for everyone to spend time alone with their thoughts to better understand themselves, their choices, and their life.
The takeaway: Don’t try to force an introvert to talk more or change them into an extrovert. It won’t happen. Love them for who they are because there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. 
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