I’m an introvert. To me, a huge birthday party is synonymous with torture, not celebration.
I’ve never really liked my birthday. In fact, it’s one of the days I dread the most. I hate all the extra attention and the pressure to make it a special day, usually with a party. It’s insufferable.
When I was a teenager, I used to have long, exhausting fights with my mother in the weeks leading up to my birthday. She always wanted me to celebrate with a huge party filled with family and friends. But to me, a huge birthday party is synonymous with torture, not celebration. Instead, I wanted something small, like going to the movies or the bowling alley with a few close friends.
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No Birthday Party For Me, Thank You
More often than not, I used to win these fights and ended up doing what I wanted for my birthday. But all these arguments took a toll on my mental health and self-esteem. Whenever I refused to have a party or make a big deal out of my birthday, people called me a party pooper, a killjoy, and a downer. I didn’t have the words to defend myself (I was still a kid), so I internalized all those insults and convinced myself that there was something “wrong” with me. It took me years to realize and accept that there was nothing wrong with me — I am an introvert.
I am now a proud introvert who can defend the reasons behind my actions and behaviors. In case you’re curious, my relationship with my mother has improved, but I still hate my birthday. I believe a lot of the reasons stem from the fact that I’m an introvert.
Obviously, not all introverts hate their birthdays, but over the years I have noticed that a significant portion of the online introvert community feels aversion or indifference toward their birthdays. Here are a few reasons I believe some introverts (like myself) don’t like their birthdays.
Why Some Introverts Hate Their Birthdays
1. Too much attention
This one’s a no-brainer. Most introverts don’t like being the center of attention, so having an entire day dedicated to them can be quite uncomfortable. It’s especially tough when they are put on display in front of a lot of people, anxiously waiting to see their reactions while opening gifts or making a wish and blowing out the candles to the tune of “Happy Birthday.”
In my case, I especially hate all the attention I receive for something as trivial as turning one year older. I feel like I haven’t earned it, and I don’t know what to do with it. Being the center of attention makes me anxious, uncomfortable, and insecure. I always try to avoid it and redirect that attention to something or someone else. But when it’s my birthday, that is almost impossible to do because it’s “my day.”
2. The social exhaustion of a party
Birthdays and parties practically go hand in hand. When your birthday is coming up, everyone expects you to throw a big party to celebrate. Introverts tend to dislike parties because we don’t like big crowds, loud noises, and shallow socializing. This aversion to parties doesn’t change when the party is ours. If anything, it makes it worse.
When we throw a party, we might end up feeling anxious and worrying if everyone is having fun. It’s our party, so we feel the pressure and responsibility to be a good host and ensure everyone is enjoying themselves. But in the process, we sometimes forget to have a good time ourselves.
And don’t even get me started on surprise parties. It’s undoubtedly a nice gesture for someone to throw you a surprise party because it shows they care enough to go through all the trouble of organizing it. But a surprise party is practically a living nightmare for an introvert. If there’s anything worse than having a party, it’s not having knowledge or control over your own party.
3. The pressure to make it a “special” day
This is one of the things that bother me the most about my birthday. Sometimes, I just want to do something small to celebrate, like going to the movies or taking a long walk around the city. But the pressure from others to make it a “special” day can be too much. I get it, I was born on that day, but why does it have to be the most special day of my year? Why do I have to have the time of my life specifically on that day? That’s just setting myself up for failure because the expectations are always way too high. (And we introverts don’t like pressure anyway!)
Plus, when your birthday is coming up, it seems like everyone has their own opinion about how you should celebrate it. Instead of asking you what you want to do, some people tell you exactly what you should do. Whether it’s a party or going dancing at a club, your birthday might end up being about what other people want to do instead of what you want.
And God forbid you suggest you don’t want to do anything for your birthday — people might look at you as if you’re crazy. They will try to convince you that you’re wrong and that you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t do something special on that day.
4. All the phone calls and “happy birthday” messages
This one might come off as ungrateful because it’s undoubtedly nice to have people who care enough to wish you a happy birthday. But to an introvert, all that attention can be overwhelming.
Phone calls, in general, make some introverts uncomfortable. When the sole purpose of a call is to wish us a happy birthday, it’s even worse because all the attention is on us. After the “Happy Birthday”s and “Thank you”s, the inevitable small talk follows, making us even more uncomfortable. It doesn’t help that the people who usually call are relatives or friends you only talk to two or three times a year.
The same goes for the Facebook messages and texts you receive throughout the day. After the pleasantries and birthday greetings, you have to make small talk (again, in a different form) with all the people who wished you a happy birthday. This can be a bit too much, which is why I think some introverts hide their birthdays from their social media pages.
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5. The singing
Few situations are worse for an introvert than being in front of a cake while friends and family sing what feels like a three-hour rendition of “Happy Birthday.” I never know what to do or where to look when that melody starts, and suddenly I have a cake in front of me and dozens of eyes on me.
There is no appropriate reaction for that situation. Do I smile the whole time? No, that would look fake, and my cheeks would probably start to hurt after the third “Happy birthday to you…” Do I put on a poker face? No, that would probably come off as bratty and ungrateful. Do I sing with them? No, that would look awkward. Do I run away and hide in the bathroom? No, that would probably lead to a lot of questions. Whoever came up with this particular birthday tradition obviously hated introverts and wanted to see them suffer.
I Don’t Hate All Birthdays, Just Mine
I love celebrating my friends’ and family’s birthdays. I enjoy seeing them happy and buying them presents to celebrate another year of their lives. But when the spotlight is on me and it’s my birthday, I hate it. I hate the pressure, the attention, and the Happy Birthday song.
However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t enjoyed my birthdays before. The birthdays I have enjoyed the most are the ones when I did what I wanted to do, like going to the movies or the bowling alley with my best friends, not when I succumbed to the pressure from others and ended up doing what they wanted me to do.
So if you have an introvert in your life and you want to make their birthday special, just ask them what they want to do and respect it. Don’t assume everyone wants to celebrate with a huge party and be the center of attention.
And if you’re an introvert who hates their birthday like I do, there are ways to enjoy this “special day.” Set realistic expectations, put your foot down, and do what you want to do, whether that’s having dinner with your family, going dancing with your friends, or staying home with a good book and a Netflix marathon. I can’t promise you’ll start loving your birthday, but at least you’ll enjoy it more. And the good thing about birthdays is they only happen once a year.
Looking for some more introvert-friendly birthday “party” ideas? Click here. 
