I’ve found that when I enjoy the activity we’re doing, socializing becomes less draining and anxiety-provoking.
Growing up, I was often told that I was too shy, that I needed to make more friends, and that I was rude for not talking much in group settings.
My parents encouraged me to “get out there” and meet new people. They pushed me into many sports and activities, like competitive cheer, gymnastics, the National Honor Society, track and field, and more.
Don’t get me wrong; I was good at these activities, and there were times when I enjoyed them. But often, I found myself dreading them. Overall, I didn’t have a desire to talk to new people or make new friends — and that’s where the problem came in.
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My Struggle With Meeting New People
One of the biggest challenges that shy introverts like me face is talking to acquaintances or strangers. And it doesn’t get easier as we get older. We all have those friends who “get” us, but making new friends can still be a challenge.
Personally, I think I sometimes come off as rude or snobby. The truth is, I am just being quiet or awkward. I also experience several physiological symptoms when meeting new people, including excessive anxiety, nervousness, sweating, and blushing. These factors make it even more difficult to talk to strangers, especially in large groups.
Another factor is my energy level. We only have so much energy, and after a long, busy day, it can be draining for us introverts to socialize in big groups.
However, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned a few tricks that have helped me meet and feel comfortable around new people.
How to Meet and Feel Comfortable Around New People
1. Plan and schedule.
Every Sunday night, I plan my week. As you probably know, many of us introverts are great planners.
I start by writing down my work schedule and the tasks I have to complete each day. Then, I add my class schedule and the assignments I need to work on and complete for the week. After that, I schedule time for self-care and relaxation to help me de-stress. (Scheduling this time is very important!) Once I have these components accounted for, I look for free time to spend with friends and new acquaintances I would like to get to know better.
I try to plan these social times on days when I am less busy and don’t have a lot going on. That way, I know I’ll have more energy for them. This also helps me to prepare for any reactions that may come up, like anxiety.
Sometimes, I might cancel these events because I don’t feel like going. I try not to make this a consistent habit, though. To avoid canceling plans, especially at the last minute, I recommend planning activities you are at least 90 percent sure you will follow through with. Which brings me to my next point…
2. Do enjoyable, introvert-friendly activities.
Often, introverts get invited to events and activities they don’t enjoy, like parties, large sporting events, or crowded festivals. I’ve found that if I accept an invitation to such an event, I will most likely cancel or dread going. This increases my overall anxiety around socializing even more.
To help with this, I try to help plan the event so it is an introvert-friendly activity that I’ll enjoy.
For example, if a new acquaintance invites you out for coffee, you may not want to hang out at a busy coffee shop, but you still want to get coffee and see them. So what do you do?
Instead of reluctantly accepting (or declining) the invitation, be proactive. Plan the coffee date and time, and offer suggestions of low-key places versus loud, crowded ones. Or suggest grabbing coffee to go and then drinking it somewhere calmer, like a park or their house. This way, you are still spending time with them, but you may not feel as overwhelmed.
I have found that if I enjoy the activity we are doing, it makes socializing less stressful, draining, and anxiety-provoking.
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3. Try something new, like a new sport or hobby.
The last tip is to try new things, whether it’s a hobby, sport, or something else entirely. Not only will you benefit from learning something new, but you’ll also meet and talk to others with similar interests.
If you are nervous about going alone, invite a friend along; this can also help keep you accountable.
One new thing I have started doing recently is attending a kickboxing class. I have always enjoyed working out and running, but I had never done a group class before. So far, it has been a pretty good experience.
I still get anxious and nervous about going, and I don’t talk to a lot of people when I am there. But it has been a good way to push myself out of my comfort zone, meet new people, and do something enjoyable with others. I focus on the having-fun part, and the rest follows.
Even if you don’t talk to many people the first few times you try a new activity, that’s okay. Getting out there and trying new things will help you get comfortable being around new people — and hopefully, you’ll have fun at the same time! 
