I surprised myself by seeing a person who’s pretty cool to hang out with.
In the last few months of 2022, my mental health plummeted; it felt like a crash, head-first, beyond rock bottom. Mentally and emotionally, I trudged into 2023 at the lowest I’d been in a while.
I thought it would be a good idea to ask for help from my closest, dearest friends, so I wrote to them. After a few correspondences, I felt like a volatile mess, always on the verge of lashing out at my loved ones. Ironically, it was after I sent an email to my best friend that I figured out maybe social isolation would be more ideal for my mental and emotional state.
I Recharged for the Sake of Others, Not for Myself
As an introvert, social withdrawal wasn’t anything new to me. But it didn’t take long to realize that my primary reason for withdrawing from others was to be “useful” to my friends and loved ones — I recharged for the sake of others, not for myself. That was a tough pill to swallow.
With my choice to be socially unreachable for an indefinite amount of time, what was the point of recharging at all?
I know it might sound silly, but I genuinely sat with that question for a while. At the time, I knew I couldn’t be of help to anybody — I was burnt out, and I couldn’t see past my own pain. I had permission from those I loved most to disconnect and be the one to reach out when I was ready to reconnect. Even so, it felt almost pointless to simply get better for my own sake.
It took a few sessions of reflection to realize that maybe I could take this time to cultivate some self-love. In the absence of other people relying on me to be okay, I could try being okay for myself. Maybe I could finally challenge myself to see something worth loving, worth taking care of, independent of the people in my life.
In my experience, withdrawing from social obligations came naturally with being an introvert. But as mentioned before, I’d never really done it for my own sake. Here are some of the things I learned when I decided to withdraw for the sake of my own well-being.
You can thrive as an introvert or a sensitive person in a loud world. Subscribe to our newsletter. Once a week, you’ll get empowering tips and insights in your inbox. Click here to subscribe.
4 Things I Learned During My Isolation
1. Even when I withdraw, I still need to communicate.
Even though it was common knowledge to anyone who’d had me in their lives for more than a few months (weeks, even) that I often withdrew socially, I learned that it’s important to clearly communicate my ability (or lack thereof) to connect and interact with them.
Since 2023 was the first time I decided to be socially unavailable for an indefinite amount of time, I knew it was necessary to let my friends know that I couldn’t be depended on for a while. Initially, I felt extremely selfish, but I felt worse when someone needed me, and I couldn’t fully be there for them. I knew it’d be best to take ample time, truly recharge, and reach out again when I was able to truly reconnect.
I did my best to communicate my mental state to those I rarely withdrew from, and it helped me feel less guilty about taking some time for my own sake. I felt bad for not being able to effectively communicate with everyone I loved and cared about, and that’s something I can work on moving forward.
(Curious about why introverts need alone time? Here’s the science.)
2. Enjoying things on my own helped me connect with others.
As an introvert, I’ve always been able to go out and do things alone. However, I realized that I didn’t necessarily enjoy my own company. For the most part, I was simply relieved that I didn’t need to exert extra energy for someone else’s sake.
In 2023, I learned to enjoy my own company by exploring the things I love: books, movies, music, and YouTube, to name a few. I’ve always been able to enjoy these activities on my own, but it was a new experience trying to truly “entertain” myself.
Eventually, I became more comfortable with laughing (or sobbing) out loud at something I was watching, and singing along (quietly or loudly, depending on where I was) to the music I was listening to. I grew fond of my solitude because it allowed me to feel and express my love for the arts and life in general.
Subsequently, I learned that enjoying things on my own meant I could share my enjoyment with others who might not know about a movie I’d just seen or some new music I’d fallen in love with. I discovered that sharing my enjoyment could potentially add bits of enjoyment to others’ lives.
Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.
3. I have wants and needs that are independent of what others want and need from me.
Not to be overly dramatic, but for most of my life, I’ve lived for others. I’d gotten so used to putting myself last that I couldn’t fully wrap my head around the idea of having my own wants and needs. I had to really figure out what I wanted and needed without basing it on what others wanted, needed, or expected from me.
It became easier to listen to myself when I didn’t need to consider other people’s demands. Again, I felt extremely selfish for a while, but I know now that I can only really be there for others if I effectively take care of myself first.
A lot of my wants and needs aren’t grand in scale, but I’d neglected even the most basic things. Hence, the burnout. Moving forward, I hope to become consistent in attending to my own wants and needs. Furthermore, I hope to become self-sufficient enough to develop a healthy compromise with others’ wants and needs from me.
4. I can love myself without relying on others’ love.
As stated before, I’d lived most of my life for others. This bled into my inability to truly love myself without thinking, “You might not love yourself, but these people do.” I thought I’d always have to rely on those who loved me, but taking myself out of their lives helped me gain some perspective.
For the longest time, I defined myself by my ability to be there for others; I believed I was worth nothing if I couldn’t be of some use to the people I loved. Now, though, I see that I have an identity that isn’t dependent on others.
Suffice it to say, 2023 was a pivotal year for me. In my isolation, I learned to perceive myself in a way that wasn’t defined by the people who love me. I surprised myself by seeing a person who’s pretty cool to hang out with. 
You might like:
This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.
