Many introverts are naturally gifted writers. So why do they often clam up or draw a blank when speaking out loud?
“Oh, I love podcasts!” I told the interviewer, who was recording me, unedited, as a guest on his podcast. “I listen to at least one every day.”
“That’s great!” the interviewer replied. “Which one is your favorite?”
“It’s uhh… ummm…” Shit. I listened to that podcast every single day! Why couldn’t I think of its name?!
“It’s something by NPR… uhhhhh…” I couldn’t remember the name until I quickly googled it. By that time, the conversation had moved on, and the point I was trying to make died a very awkward, public death.
Story of my life as an introvert.
It wasn’t the first time I’d drawn a blank under pressure. Job interviews and first dates can be the worst. “Tell me about yourself” often results in me temporarily forgetting everything I’ve ever done with my life.
Even when the stakes are low, like in a casual conversation with a friend, I often need a few moments to think before speaking. And it’s not uncommon for thoughts to swirl in my head that I simply don’t have the language to express.
Why are words so hard for introverts? Let’s look at the science.
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Humans Think in Pictures, Not Words
To be clear, everyone forgets words or gets tongue-tied at times, even the most extroverted among us, for all kinds of reasons ranging from simple distraction to pregnancy brain. But one big, universal reason may come down to some ancient wiring: A recent Harvard study found that our species tends to prefer visual thinking to verbal thinking.
When someone describes themselves as a “visual thinker,” they mean they think in pictures rather than words — a trait that is actually quite common. According to Harvard scientists, this tendency seems to be ingrained in the most primitive parts of our brains, likely because language is a relatively recent development for humans (we started assigning different grunts to objects only about 100,000 years ago).
Of course, the images we “see” in our minds need to be translated into words if we want to communicate with others. This process requires focus and energy, and it can be inefficient, sometimes causing us to get tongue-tied or draw a blank. To put it mildly, our brains are still playing evolutionary catch-up.
However, this isn’t the whole story when it comes to introverts.
Why Are Words Harder for Introverts?
If you’re an introvert like me, sometimes words seem, well, extra hard. This “word problem” might lead others to label you as quiet or shy, when in reality, you have a lot to say. It can make you feel less confident when starting conversations with people you don’t know well. This may also reflect negatively on you, as you might come across as unsure of yourself, even though many introverts love learning and frequently become subject-matter experts in their chosen fields.
In a society that values fast and frequent talkers, being an introvert can be tough.
As I discuss in my course, Easy Conversation: A Course for Quiet and Anxious People, our “word problem” may be connected to long-term memory. Although information stored in long-term memory is retained for extended periods (as the name suggests), it is mostly outside our conscious awareness. Sometimes, this information is fairly easy to access (like recalling what you ate for breakfast this morning), while other memories are difficult to recall (like remembering what you ate for breakfast on this day two years ago).
Contrast this with working memory (sometimes called short-term memory), which is limited and retains information for only a few seconds. Working memory puts information at the tip of your tongue. It’s easy to access but doesn’t stay for long unless moved to long-term storage.
Here’s the kicker: Introverts tend to favor long-term memory over working memory, while extroverts do the opposite, according to Dr. Marti Olsen Laney in her book, The Introvert Advantage. This preference for long-term memory can make speech challenging for us “quiet ones.”
How Long-Term Memory Use Challenges Introverts
How does our reliance on long-term memory complicate things for introverts? Well, pulling information out of long-term memory can be slow and tricky. You need the right association or “key” to unlock the memory you’re trying to retrieve.
For example, let’s say you’re trying to remember your first date with your now-spouse. Walking by an Italian restaurant, you catch a whiff of olive oil, and bam, the smell reminds you of the dish you ordered that night. In turn, this memory “unlocks” more information about the date — what she was wearing, what she said, and how you dropped a meatball on the floor and tried to hide it by covering it with your shoe.
Although complex information can be stored for long periods in long-term memory, accessing it can complicate things for introverts when they speak.
Anxiety Makes It Harder to Think
Another reason speaking can be difficult for introverts is anxiety. Not every introvert experiences social anxiety, and not all anxious people are introverts. Even some very outgoing extroverts feel it! Nevertheless, it’s not uncommon for introverts to experience some level of stress and discomfort in social situations, whether they have a diagnosed anxiety disorder or not. After all, our comfort zones are back home, alone, with a good book or show.
Anyone who’s ever suffered from anxiety knows it’s mentally and emotionally draining. That mental drain can make it harder to think, focus, and recall information. During times of anxiety, big or small, the stress hormone cortisol is released, which can interfere with memory and concentration, making it harder to speak.
So, if you’re feeling anxious and struggling to speak, take a deep breath and cut yourself some slack.
Writing Uses Different Brain Pathways
If introverts commonly experience a “word problem,” it might seem strange that they’re also known as talented writers. In fact, many prolific authors are self-professed introverts, including John Green to J.K. Rowling. Even if you’re an introvert who doesn’t write for a living, you might find that you prefer texting and emailing over in-person meetings or phone conversations.
How can this be? According to Laney, writing and speaking use different pathways in the brain. These writing pathways seem to flow more fluently and easily for introverts.
If, like me on the podcast, you find your mind going blank, the best thing you can do is try to relax and let your mind wander. When your mind wanders, it may latch onto the right key to pull up the memory you need. Buy yourself some time by saying, “I need a few moments to think about that.” If all else fails, tell the person you’ll get back to them later — via text or email.
Want to feel more at ease in social situations? Discover the secrets to enjoying fun, meaningful conversations. Know exactly what to say, even if you’re introverted, shy, or anxious. Feel less drained and have more energy while socializing. Click here to secure your spot in my upcoming course, Easy Conversation. 
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