Life is hard. Sometimes it’s really darn hard. And, sometimes you feel as if you’re drifting, never really sure where to go or what your next move is. That’s where I’ve been in my life on many occasions. Sometimes I still feel like that. But, at the ripe old age of 35, I feel I’ve learned some valuable (and even somewhat crucial) life lessons. Sure, I’m still pretty young but the following life lessons have been important for me to learn.
And I believe they can help you too.
The truth is, some crucial lessons in life have always existed but some of us take longer to learn them than others and on some occasions, never do…
I’ve been thinking more and more about the most important lessons that have had a positive impact on my own mental health and attitude towards life and the result is this post…
I have a lot more learning to do. I’m still very young. And there are many people much older and wiser than me. But, so far, these are the key life lessons I have learned in my journey of personal development that are serving me well and that I believe can serve you very well too.
Some of these life lessons might be obvious to you and some maybe not so much.
Regardless, hopefully, you can take some inspiration away from this post to help you start creating better habits each day.
1. No one really cares that much
You might be concerned about what your friend thinks of you. You may be worried about what your boss thinks of you and you might even be concerned about what your neighbour thinks of you but at the end of the day, no one really cares.
Sure, your mum and dad care about you and what you say and do, but most people don’t think twice about something you said or did. That doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want or do whatever you want…
But most people are so wrapped up in their own stuff that they don’t care as much as you think.
- If you’re having a bad hair day, most people aren’t paying attention anyway.
- If you think you may have accidentally said something too loud, most people aren’t listening.
- When you get into an argument with someone, they’ll probably forget about it after a few hours.
People are busy. People are preoccupied with paying bills, worrying about whether their car will start in the morning and the appointment they’re trying to book.
We find ourselves paralysed by the thought of what someone might think of us when we make decisions but everyone is just trying to live their own lives. They’re just trying to do their own thing too.
Life lesson: Don’t concern yourself too much with what others think. Most of the time you know what is best for you.
2. There’s really only so much you can control
One solid life lesson to know is that there’s only so much that is within your control in this crazy world. I see the classic ‘control freak’ types every day and they become so upset so easily. Why? Because they think they can control everything. So, when something goes wrong, they take it very personally.
You can set yourself free from this mindset by understanding that there’s actually very little you can control in life.
- You can’t control other people’s moods
- You can’t control how long a flight takes
- You can’t control what other people think
- You can’t control the weather
- You can’t control the traffic
The only thing you really can control is how you react to the world. You get to decide that. You get to decide if something is good or bad. After all, what happens in life is what happens but all that matters is how you perceive things.
If you see everything from a negative vantage point, everything will be negative. But, if you decide there is good to be found in everything, you will find it.
It’s so difficult to master because it seems too simple, but that’s the beauty of it.
Life lesson: let go of your expectations more often and realise that the only thing you can control is how you react to the world.
3. No one is saving you
This may sound a little extreme, but let me explain. There will be many people who will help (or try to help) you in life. For example, I’ve been blessed to have many people, including my family help me out when I need them. However, there are things only you can do.
No one can hold your hand and do them for you.
- No one else can do the push-ups for you.
- No one else decides how you behave.
- No one else can help you improve your relationships.
- No one else can learn for you.
These things have to come from you, from your own journey of learning. You absolutely have to be willing to learn from your mistakes and improve as you move forward.
You have to be willing to read books, research, experiment and experience things for yourself.
We’re all going through life rubbing shoulders with other people but the truth is we were born on our own and we will leave this life on our own. Others will help us along the way but at some point, we have to decide on the kind of person we want to be.
Life lesson: you must be willing to learn and make mistakes as you go on your own personal journey or self-discovery.
4. Courage is found on the other side of fear
Have you ever had that anxious feeling before going on a rollercoaster, only to come off and feel on top of the world? You conquered your fear! One key life lesson that I believe to be 1000% true is that courage is found on the other side of fear. When you face your fears you gain a sense of courage that can only be obtained this way.
Overcoming your fears directly tells you that you’re much more capable than you may have previously thought. Facing your fears is scary but when you do so (and then overcome them) you feel on top of the world, and you gain inner strength.
There will always be new fears so learning to face them is a key life lesson.
But how do you do that? I think by facing one of your small fears first. Expose yourself to whatever it is that scares you and allow yourself to calm down once you realise it’s not so bad.
For example, if you’re scared of spiders, try getting a little closer to one and if you’re feeling really brave, pick one up! You’ll soon realise there’s nothing to be afraid of after all.
Life lesson: take that first step. expose yourself to your fears and you’ll soon find that they’re not so bad after all.
5. Your habits will define you
You only have a certain amount of energy per day. And you only have so much time each day. What do you spend your time doing? The way you spend your time will determine how you feel and what you think about the world.
If you smoke, eat junk and complain a lot, you’ll probably feel pretty rubbish.
If you exercise, eat clean and surround yourself with uplifting people, you’ll probably feel pretty good.
Your habits define your existence so it’s a good idea to develop good ones as early as you can. Because humans are creatures of routine, it’s easy enough to pick up bad habits that only make you feel bad. You find yourself in a cycle that feels almost impossible to break.
Life lesson – Be intentional about how you spend your time. Your habits will define how you think and feel.
7. Look after your body and it will look after you
As I get older, I realise more and more the importance of looking after my body (as best I can). I like to think of my body as a piece of hardware that needs certain things to run properly – just like a car needs oil and fuel.
If the hardware isn’t looked after properly, the software (your thoughts and your attitude) will be negatively affected one way or another.
To look after your body you need to eat properly and maybe even not as much as you think. You need to exercise (which is non-negotiable in my opinion) if you want to look after your body well.
As mentioned, there are certain requirements that your body needs; proper nutrition, water, rest and exercise.
If you can get to grips with all of these things, you’ll be on the right track.
Life lesson: Look after your body by first identifying what it needs to flourish before working back from there.
8. Look to improve but don’t ignore what you already have
There’s no shame in wanting more from life, whether it’s a better house, better car or even a better job. But I believe it’s important to first find gratitude for what you already have. This is one of the most important life lessons I’ve learned.
In fact, it’s probably the one thing that most lifts me out of a bad mood when the grey clouds hang over.
Think about it – before you had your current job, you would have loved to of had the chance to do it. Before you had your apartment or house you would have bit someone’s hand off for it. And before you had your car, you just wanted to be able to drive.
Sometimes we forget how good the things we already have used to (and still do) make us feel. We forget how lucky we are to have them. No doubt you worked really hard to get all of these things.
Whenever you feel down, remind yourself of all of the special things you already have. Do this on a regular basis and you’ll find more gratitude in your life.
Life lesson: Find gratitude in everything, even the mundane and you’ll have a hard time feeling down about life. Everything you already have was once a wish.
9. You probably won’t get it right first time
You probably won’t get everything right the first time around. Ask yourself; when was the last time I got something right the first time?
I can’t think of one example when I did this.
The reality is, that achieving anything worthwhile takes time. How many times do you hear stories bout billionaires with multiple failed businesses before they hit the jackpot? All the time!
Think of life as a game. When you’re born you’re at level 0. As you age and learn more, things become easier and you go up in levels. But, the only way to improve your skills is to keep doing that important learning, failing and tweaking.
Life lesson: Don’t be too hard on yourself if it takes you multiple tries to crack something. Difficult things are difficult for a reason. Keep learning and persisting.
10. Complaining never solves anything, it only makes things worse
If there’s one thing I am sure of it’s that complaining doesn’t help anything. I’m also fairly certain that complaining is addictive, especially if you’re surrounded by people who like to complain.
No doubt you’ve spent time around people who like to complain about anything they can think of. It doesn’t feel great. It’s as if all your energy is slowly being pulled out from your soul. The truth is, their complaining never actually solves anything.
You have two choices; complain about something, or, do something about the situation.
Doing something about it is proactive, complaining about it keeps pushing you back.
Complaining is a negative spiral. When something happens that you don’t like, you complain about it. Because you’re reinforcing that negative feeling, you feel worse and worse the more you deal do it.
If you’re able to look for solutions or even find positives in a situation you don’t like, you’re more likely to think positive thoughts and escape the trap of a negative spiral.
Life lesson: catch yourself when you feel like complaining and ask yourself if complaining is going to help or only make you feel worse.
11. Feeling positive is more of a choice than you realise
This life lesson is something that I have only recently learned and it follows on nicely from the last lesson. But this one is a hard lesson to learn because it takes time to realise that you have more control over your mood than you realise.
Just like complaining keeps you in a negative thought loop, positive thinking keeps you more upbeat and allows you to see more opportunities in life.
Nothing is anything until you perceive it a certain way.
For example, you could see a rainy day as a bad day or you could choose to see it as an opportunity to get more organising or writing done. If your friends cancel your planned evening, you could be annoyed your plans have changed or you could see it as a good chance to have a proper rest.
Life lesson: there is always a chance to find something positive in anything. The more you do this, the more positivity you attract.
12. Money doesn’t solve everything
Money solves small things like your phone bill but it doesn’t solve the things that truly matter. Money doesn’t make you happier in the way you might think it would. It can give you peace of mind but it probably won’t solve the underlying issues in your life. Money is more of a tool that allows you to acquire the things you desire and there’s nothing wrong with that.
But, if you’re lucky enough to have a comfortable amount of it, you’ll have to ask yourself when enough is enough.
There are many rich people who are unhappy, trying to fill an emotional void with stacks of cash.
Money can’t buy;
- Meaningful relationships
- Patience
- Real love
- Kindness
- Inner peace
- Happiness
Life lesson: wanting more money is fine but don’t expect it to solve all of your problems and needs.
13. Comfort isn’t the objective
To me, comfort is sitting around watching TV, eating tasty food and sleeping for hours on end. But what good does that do? what’s more, If you’re “comfortable” and you end up reaching a place where you don’t need anything else, what then? Do you simply waste away?
I think you do.
I think that one of the most important life lessons I’ve learned is that If you don’t use it, you lose it. And it goes for almost everything in life, not just when it comes to keeping your muscles pumped up.
If you don’t happen to life, life will happen to you. You have to set yourself goals and difficult tasks voluntarily so you continue to grow.
Being overly comfortable leaves you squishy and weak. Think about it like this; if a child is wrapped in cotton wool having their parents doing everything for them, what happens to them when they go out into the world on their own? They end up like scared little lambs.
And the same happens to you if you don’t seek a little discomfort every now and again.
You have to challenge yourself to get that feeling of personal growth not just with physical activity but with academic endeavours and in social situations, for example.
Life lesson: put yourself in uncomfortable situations from time to time. Do something out of the ordinary and set yourself challenges to get that real sense of achievement.
14. Life is unfair and that’s okay
We live in a world where equality is at the front of our minds. Whilst this is great for many different reasons, the very nature of life is unfair. When I was a kid I wanted the sneakers my friend had and I wanted to same hair colour as him. These days I’d love to have better genes that allow me to shed fat easily.
But life is unfair.
Life doesn’t really care what you want. And that’s okay.
It’s okay that everyone is in different situations. It’s okay that someone gets more than someone else. Life is complicated and luck also plays a big part in it all.
Trying to make everything fair is a losing game.
People will always have more than you and you will always have more than others. No doubt you have skills that others don’t.
It’s much better to spend your time concentrating on what you can change and how you want to improve your own situation.
Life lesson: accept that life is not fair. Don’t worry about other people. Focus on yourself and how you live your own life.
15. You don’t need to worry about everything
When I look back at the time I’ve spent worrying and over-thinking about silly things I can’t believe how much stress I’ve put myself through without needing to. It’s easy enough to do though. How often do you find yourself wrapped up in negative thoughts, unable to enjoy your day?
But do you really need to do it? Usually, our thoughts are way worse than reality.
You could spend your time worrying for 100 years but what would you have gained? Just like complaining, worrying does not solve anything.
The truth is, there’s so much we could spend our time worrying about, to the point where we literally wouldn’t be able to get anything done. Life is messy with so much going on all the time.
When I think about the worrying in my own life, I realise that there’s always been something that I find myself worrying about. It’s as if that feeling will never go away.
Therefore, I’ve learned about becoming comfortable with saying “no” to it.
You deserve to look forward to a bright future, just like anyone else does. You’re worthy of it.
Life lesson: don’t sweat the small stuff. Think about how much time you’ve spent worrying in the past and make a deal with yourself that you deserve a break from it.
16. Being present is everything
This is one of those life lessons I wished I’d learned much, much earlier and it leads me on nicely from the last lesson. Being present is all you really have. What I mean is, that the present moment is all you ever actually have. After all, you don’t get your time back.
And it’s not just worrying about the future that robs you of the present moment, it’s yearning for the past or spending too much time being distracted by the things around you.
For example, you can record the concert on your phone but you don’t get to relive that moment where you can be immersed and focused on the stage.
And I do think that situations like this rob you of living your life through your own eyes, instead of through a screen. If you’re not present in each passing moment, are you truly living your life? or are you simply recording it to watch those precious moments back later?
Being truly present means focusing on what is happening right now and appreciating it for what it is. They say it’s called the present because it is a “gift”.
And I think that is true. After all, you aren’t guaranteed an infinite amount of moments.
Life lesson: learn to be okay in the present without too much expectation. Be grateful for what it is. Allow yourself to indulge in the sights, smells and sounds of whatever you’re doing.
17. Everything can end in an instant
We (generally) create comfortable environments to live in. If you have a little bit of money you can go to school, get a job and buy enough food to fill your stomach. Everything seems geared towards keeping you as comfortable as possible. But with that, life can sometimes feel mundane, drawn out, as if you’re here forever. After all, being alive is all you’ve ever known.
We take things for granted.
But all of it can go in an instant. The truth is, life is short. When you’re a kid, the world seems like a huge place. Being 50 years old feels like a lifetime away, a distant future that is hard to imagine.
But, before you know it, you’re halfway there. You look around and ask yourself how long the next 25 years will take.
Maybe you have friends your age that pass away or relatives that you thought would be around forever.
But then life hits you and you realise that this existence is short.
Life lesson: remind yourself that you have limited time. Do the things you love, enjoy being alive and don’t hold yourself back from living.
Start creating better habits today.
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