While some extroverts thrive on constant chatter, introverts seek a partner who understands the beauty of shared silence.
Because of where we draw our energy from, introverts often prefer to spend time alone (or with our pets). However, that doesn’t mean we can’t feel lonely. Like extroverts, we may also long for connections with others and desire a committed partnership. In fact, introverts tend to thrive in one-on-one settings where we feel comfortable enough to open up and engage in deep conversations that interest us.
If you’re currently in the dating pool, it can be a struggle to balance your need to be alone and recharge with putting yourself out there and meeting new people. You may also quickly realize that the extroverted majority doesn’t always understand what you want from a partner.
So, let’s put it out there on behalf of introverts everywhere looking to build a connection: Here’s what we want — no, need — in a relationship.
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6 Things Introverts Need in Their Romantic Relationships
1. Understand our need for space, no questions asked
As introverts, alone time isn’t just important — it’s necessary. When we’ve exceeded our capacity for social interaction, it might manifest as a physical experience that we can’t ignore. (Hello, introvert hangover!) If I tell you I need a day — or even just a couple of hours — to be in my own space, it doesn’t mean I’m tired of the relationship. I simply need to exist in my own world every now and then to recharge so that I can be my fullest self when we’re together.
As an introvert married to a fellow introvert, this mutual respect for our need for space is one of the keys to a happy marriage. Many days, after a long day of work, we’ll ask each other, “Do you want to eat dinner together, or would you prefer to do your own thing?” If the answer is that one of us wants to be alone, we know it’s nothing personal. We simply go our separate ways and give each other the space we need.
2. Small, thoughtful gestures over grand displays
Introverts often find beauty in the subtleties of life and typically appreciate thoughtful gestures over grand displays of affection. Usually, small, meaningful acts hold more significance for us than extravagant expressions of love. Sure, your introverted partner may be the center of your attention, but they often don’t want to be the center of everyone else’s attention.
Let’s look at the example of a marriage proposal. From the introvert perspective, a proposal is an intimate experience between two people, not something that should involve the rest of the world. When my spouse proposed, we were alone in a cabin with snow falling outside the windows and pizza cooking in the oven. What more could an introvert want?
3. Cherishing the silence together
Introverts often find solace in quiet moments. While some extroverts thrive on constant chatter, introverts want a partner who understands the beauty of shared silence. Appreciating the peace in each other’s company can foster a deep, unspoken connection that goes beyond words.
Comfortable silence denotes intimacy and is vital for many introverts who are also highly sensitive and worn out by the noisy world we live in. For example, when we’re out to eat, don’t make us feel pressured to keep the conversation going across the table. Being in a restaurant may be overstimulating enough, so sometimes it’s okay to sit in companionable silence and share an experience — without feeling the need to fill the air with small talk.
(Are you a highly sensitive person? Here are 27 “strange” things highly sensitive people do.)
4. Intimacy through meaningful conversations
For introverts, the essence of connection lies in meaningful conversations that unravel the layers of their souls. Superficial small talk does not resonate as deeply as discussions that delve into emotions, dreams, and shared values. Be open to going deep, even early on in a relationship.
Yes, we introverts appreciate companionable silence, but we can also open up quite a bit when we’re engaged in an intimate conversation. We like exploring the depths of the human experience, and we want to know what’s in your heart and soul. Skip talking about the weather; instead, let us into your inner world, and we’ll let you into ours, too.
Are you an introvert who shuts down around the people you’re attracted to?
As an introvert, you actually have the amazing ability to be irresistible, without forcing yourself to talk more. It all starts with recognizing the most common myths about dating and learning a framework for fun, flirty conversations — no extroversion needed. To learn how to connect with your true sensuality, relax, and open up on dates, we recommend Michaela Chung’s online courses for introverted men and introverted women.
5. Hear what we have to say
The world is a loud place, and much of that noise comes from extroverts; we introverts like comfortable silence and meaningful conversations. We aren’t the type to fill empty space with small talk. That means we spend a lot of time listening and only speak when we feel we have something important to add to a conversation.
Yes, we’re good at listening and like to sit back and observe, but sometimes it’s a nice change of pace to be the one doing the talking. So when we do talk, we ask that you actually hear us.
Quiet introverts may be drowned out by the noise around us. When your introverted partner speaks up, give them the floor and hear what they have to say (without interrupting). Trust me, we’ll appreciate it.
6. Navigating social settings as a team
Big social gatherings can be daunting for us introverts, and having a supportive partner can make all the difference. We want someone who understands the challenges that come with large crowds and noisy environments. Understand that when our social battery runs out, it’s out and it’s time to go.
Before social outings, my spouse and I pick a time to check in with each other. If one of us wants to leave at that point, we leave. If we both want to stay, we stay. Having a mutually agreed-upon exit strategy allows us to relax and enjoy our time together.
Introverts Have Unique Needs in Relationships
Introverts bring a unique rhythm to relationships, an intricate melody that unfolds in quiet moments and deep conversations. What introverts want is a meaningful connection that delves beneath the surface to reach the true essence of who a person is. We seek someone who helps us feel comfortable and seen in the world (but not too seen!).
It may not be easy, but once you find the person who understands what you want in a relationship — and gives it to you — it’s all worth it. 
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