A “bare minimum day” is exactly what it sounds like — a day where you decide to do only the bare minimum necessary to get by.
I woke up one morning and prayed that it was still the middle of the night. I reached for my phone on the nightstand, only to see that it was actually 6:05 a.m., and I had forgotten to set my alarm.
Panic, exhaustion, and rushing — the typical morning of getting two kids under five ready for school and out the door with, hopefully, everything we all need for the day. (And, hopefully, looking like I got more than the four-ish hours of sleep I actually got; thank you, kids, for your endless nighttime interruptions.)
Usually, I would white-knuckle it through the day, pushing to get everything done — for everyone else, then myself. Then I’d collapse at the end of the day, crossing my fingers for a bit more sleep than the night before. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Until, of course, I’m burnt out and crash.
Whether you lose sleep because of kids or wake up with the infamous introvert hangover from one too many social events over the weekend — or both — it’s time to find a better way to manage your energy and take care of yourself as an introverted parent.
How exactly do you do that, you ask? Let me introduce you to the introvert’s “bare minimum day,” parent edition.
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What Is a Bare Minimum Day?
Let’s face it, some days you just need a break. But when you’re a parent, you’re not going to get one anytime soon. So how do you get a bit of a break when you can’t get an actual break? Take a bare minimum day.
A bare minimum day is exactly what it sounds like — a day in which you decide to do the bare minimum necessary to get by. We’re not going above and beyond on these days or doing all the things. Rather, we’re surviving and protecting our energy (and our mental health and our kids’ well-being, and salvaging any bits of happiness left amongst our loved ones).
Bare minimum days don’t make you lazy, less-than, or a bad parent. In fact, they make you a better parent because you’re prioritizing your mental health and protecting your energy so you can keep showing up as your best self. After all, what good are you to your kids if you are burnt out and overwhelmed all the time?
How to Do a Bare Minimum Day
Bare minimum days will look different for everyone. We all have different responsibilities and various things we juggle each day, with different kids and personalities. So, what can be put on hold and what can’t will be unique to you and your situation.
It can look different from day to day for you, too. Some days, the laundry will feel wildly overwhelming and, quite frankly, so will every other thing on your list. Some days, you might have more energy to do more things, just not all the things. How we build our bare minimum days will change accordingly. The trick is to be flexible and know what your priorities are.
The process I try to follow, in general, looks a little like this: To start, make a list of all the things you need to do each day. I recommend trying to make it as exhaustive as possible, but don’t get overwhelmed, as we’re about to whittle it down.
Then, categorize each item by priority. It can be things like “non-negotiable” (tasks that have to be done every day no matter what, like feeding the kids — and maybe even yourself), “most days” (tasks you’d like to do each day, but don’t absolutely have to, like cleaning up the kitchen and going for a walk with the kids), and “ideal” (all the things you’d do in a day if you were a superstar, like making a healthy, homemade dinner from scratch and teaching your kids how to fly fish… or, you know, whatever perfect parenting looks like to you).
Categorizing things in this way allows you to know which tasks must get done, which ones you’d really like to get done (but the sky won’t fall if you don’t do them), and tasks that can be done when you have the most energy — those wondrous days when things just align and fall into place.
When you decide to take a bare minimum day, you’re going to take the “most days” and “ideal” lists and toss them out the window. Bare minimum days are for non-negotiable tasks only. We’re feeding the kids, sure, but it might be take-out instead of making a whole dinner yourself — or, my kids’ favorite, “a snack tray dinner,” full of all their favorites, like fancy crackers, the yellow cheese (not the white cheese!), cereal, maybe a piece of fruit or two, and whatever leftover protein you have sitting around in the refrigerator.
Now, all that said, here are some ways to make the most of your bare minimum day.
How to Make the Most of a Bare Minimum Day
1. Ditch the guilt: There is nothing to feel guilty about.
Make a decision that bare minimum days come with absolutely zero guilt, so don’t feel bad about letting things go. Walk right on by those dirty dishes and take a nap. Kids tossed their shoes and backpacks all over the dining room floor? Cool, you can sort it out in the morning. Feel free to kindly say “No thank you” to the sister-in-law calling about a cousin’s sleepover tonight (unless, of course, it’s at her house; in that case, drop those kids off ASAP).
2. Get really honest about which things should be on the non-negotiable list.
Some of us (ahem, me) can convince ourselves that everything is technically a non-negotiable. It’s not. You don’t have to clean the bathroom today, and the pile of papers that have been waiting weeks to be sent to the tax guy can wait one more day. I promise you, the sky will not fall if you put off getting coffee with your overly chatty coworker… again.
Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.
3. Be flexible about what these days will look like.
As parents, you know unexpected things will come up — like little Johnny getting sick and needing to be picked up early from school or his sister coming home with a last-minute school project due the next day — and those things might result in something extra being added to your non-negotiable list. Roll with it and try to mitigate unnecessary additions to your list. Maybe call Grandma to come help with the school project or just set little Johnny up on the couch with his favorite shows so you can relax with him.
4. If you find you have some spare time, do not fill it with more tasks!
When you take a bare minimum day, you’ll be nixing a lot of things off your to-do list, which means your day will open up. Naturally, this will give you ample time and space to relax and replenish.
But, whatever you do, don’t fill up that time with more tasks! Take advantage of the time to actually rest. “Resting” can mean different things to different people. Speaking of which…
5. Know what rest means to you — and make it non-negotiable.
For some people, resting means taking a nap. If that’s you, by all means, fit that into your bare minimum day. For others, it simply means being alone (maybe get a babysitter for the afternoon if your kids are home). Taking a long walk alone can be incredibly refreshing to an introverted parent who’s touched-out (and people’d out, if you know what I mean). Whatever restores your energy, do whatever you can to make that happen.
(Speaking of being alone, here’s the science behind why introverts need alone time.)
A Bare Minimum Day as an Introverted Parent
If you’ve been looking for a little rescue remedy during these high-stress seasons (which, for introverted parents, is basically all year long), then a simple bare minimum day might be perfect for you. (Hint: You can actually schedule this into your regular calendar, too — you don’t have to wait until you’re toast!)
Take some time to imagine what the day would look like for you if you simply did the bare minimum needed to get through the day. What things are on your non-negotiable list? How much time, energy, and mental space would that clear up for you? How would you fill it with rest and energy-renewing activities?
Whatever your bare minimum day looks like, remember that you’re doing it so that you can continue to show up as a great parent and set an example of what it looks like for introverts to tend to their energy. You’re worth it! (And your kids and loved ones are, too!) 
