To many people, being quiet is uncomfortable. However, for introverts, it’s something to be embraced, not shunned.
If you ask almost anyone I know to describe me, there are probably two things they would say right away: I like baseball and I’m quiet. I’ve known from a young age that I’m a quiet person, but as I’ve gone through many life experiences — such as high school, college, getting a job, and marriage — I’ve learned more and more about what it means to be “quiet,” and an introvert, in a world full of people who love to talk.
There are many positive traits that come with being quiet, but unfortunately, we live in a world where being quiet causes one to stick out like a sore thumb. I can’t tell you how many times people have made remarks to me (or about me to others) about how quiet I am, and much of the time, it’s not meant to be a compliment. Being asked, “Why are you so quiet?” is incredibly annoying to introverts.
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For Many, Silence Is Uncomfortable… But Not For Introverts
One thing I’ve learned over time is that, to many people, silence is uncomfortable. For extroverts, it’s often perceived as a vacuum that needs to be filled with something — anything — to prevent discomfort. However, many introverts, including myself, don’t view silence in the same way. When I’m not talking, there could be many reasons: I’m contemplating, observing, or simply enjoying the fact that nothing currently demands my attention in our hectic world. Unfortunately, not everyone realizes this — we don’t always tell them, and they can’t read our minds.
There’s a significant lack of understanding from both introverts and extroverts about what silence means and how it is interpreted by the other side. As an introvert, I’ve realized the importance of understanding why some people are uncomfortable with silence. My wife, an extrovert, finds it unsettling when I’m silent. While I acknowledge that everyone needs some verbal interaction, I’ve learned that she requires much more than I do.
However, I can’t change my nature. I am an introvert and not naturally talkative. The key, I’ve found, is to balance meeting my wife’s needs without compromising my identity. I’m still working on it by trying to initiate more conversations with her. But pretending to be someone I’m not, just to “fit in,” would only make me miserable.
Therefore, I believe we, as introverts, can do much to help bridge this gap of understanding. Many people make unfair assumptions about the quiet ones among us. Here are five of those assumptions, and you might find them relatable.
Incorrect Assumptions About Introverts Because They’re Quiet
1. If you are quiet, you must be boring.
Introverts have just as much capacity to be interesting as extroverts do. The main difference lies in how each group communicates; extroverts are often more comfortable sharing their life experiences and interests openly, while introverts may not be. As introverts, if we don’t share about ourselves, others may not learn about our lives, leaving room for misconceptions.
I’ve had many interesting experiences in my life. I’ve traveled extensively, enjoyed numerous fun activities, and developed many thoughtful ideas and opinions. However, I simply don’t feel the need to constantly share these details with others.
Moreover, many introverts find enjoyment in quieter activities like staying home or spending time alone, which are fulfilling in their own right and don’t make them any less interesting. Introverts are often quite creative, even if they’re the only ones aware of it.
(Speaking of spending time alone… here’s the science behind why introverts need alone time.)
2. If you are quiet, you must not be smart.
Taking this discussion a step further from the first assumption, it’s common in our society for people to use talking as a means to demonstrate their intelligence, just as they do to prove they are interesting.
However, consider this: Some of the most brilliant minds and leaders in history, from U.S. presidents to first ladies, were or are introverts. They simply do not prioritize constantly vocalizing their thoughts or proving their intelligence to others.
I’m not suggesting that discussing your ideas or interests with others is wrong or narcissistic. Such conversations can indeed be a great way to connect with people. I am merely highlighting that it’s incorrect to assume someone isn’t intelligent just because they are less talkative.
For introverts, the challenge lies in the perception that others may not recognize their intellect due to their quietness. This often leads to the misguided belief that they lack the capability to articulate their thoughts effectively, which is truly unfortunate.
3. If you are quiet, you’re being rude.
Contrary to assumptions #1 and #2, some people might think that if you’re not talking, you find them boring, are disinterested in what they have to say, or even dislike them. Many times, people have mistakenly assumed this about me. Whether it’s someone at a social event or a chatty coworker, they might interpret your quietness as rudeness, which is not true.
While I can’t speak for all introverts, I know that many of us, myself included, do enjoy being around others and participating in activities with them. Most introverts tend to be listeners rather than talkers. This listening skill comes from not being preoccupied with thinking about what to say next. In reality, listening attentively to someone is a profound way of showing that you care about them. Unfortunately, not everyone recognizes this as a sign of respect and consideration.
4. If you are quiet, you’re not having a good time.
Over the holidays, I visited a couple of local Christmas lights displays with several family members. While many in the group were engaged in lively conversations, I was more reserved, quietly taking in the beauty of the lights.
As an introvert, it’s challenging for me to fully appreciate my surroundings when I’m preoccupied with what to say next. It’s difficult for many people to understand that my introverted brain simply processes experiences differently than an extrovert’s might.
The common misconception is that if someone isn’t talking, they must not be “engaged” with their surroundings. I would argue that introverts are often more engaged because their brains are inclined to absorb and find deep meaning in their environment.
However, others won’t know this unless you tell them. If you’re out with family and friends and not saying much, it might be helpful to let them know afterward, “Hey, I had a really good time today.” Or, you could even write an article about your experience and share it! After all, many introverts excel at writing, finding it a more natural mode of expression than speaking.
Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.
5. If you are quiet, something is wrong.
“What’s wrong? You’re not saying anything.” How many times have you heard that one?
I’ve encountered this question countless times. I’ve even had people assume I’m depressed simply because I’m not talking. It’s frustrating to constantly have to reassure others that I’m okay, despite my quietness.
It’s entirely possible for someone to be quiet and still be in a good mood, or at the very least, not have anything wrong. This issue often stems from the misconception that introverts need to “prove” they are “normal” by engaging in more conversation than they might prefer.
Silence Is Golden… Especially for Introverts
Overall, I believe it’s important for both introverts and extroverts to recognize the significance of silence in our lives. Throughout this article, I’ve aimed to maintain a positive, optimistic tone, but I must admit there are many days when I feel frustrated because people don’t understand my quiet nature. I’m not a big talker, and that’s unlikely to change. However, this doesn’t make me — or anyone else in a similar situation — a bad person.
To all the extroverts out there: Please try to be understanding rather than judgmental when someone isn’t talking much. And to all my fellow introverts: Have confidence in yourself and don’t let others’ negativity bring you down! 
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