Although being an introvert in an extroverted world is hard, I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t mean I’m broken.
Throughout my 26 years on this earth, I’ve faced many obstacles and endured more than I thought I could handle. I’ve grown significantly as a person, yet there are still bumps along the road. Thankfully, what I’ve learned from the past has prepared me for new challenges that arise.
We all have a story — or multiple stories — to tell, and our experiences help shape who we are. People you meet for the first time won’t understand why you’re the quietest one in your friend group, why you decline invitations to go out on a Saturday night, or why you only feel comfortable texting one or two people out of the 20+ you know.
These struggles sometimes make me wonder: Is it harder to be an introvert than an extrovert?
Even those who have known us for a long time may not understand the reasons behind our introvert behavior. We “quiet ones” are not usually open books, and personally, I follow a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. But if I could open up and share my personal autobiography with someone I’ve never met, giving them insights into the struggles I face as a shy, socially anxious introvert, I’d say the following. Can you relate?
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Why Being an Introvert Is Hard
1. I worry that I’m bothering people.
Checking up on my friends and family can be hard for me. I swear it’s not because I don’t care. As an introverted empath, I constantly feel what those close to me feel, and I want to check on you and know you’re okay. I’m just afraid of smothering you and don’t want to annoy you or put you in a position you may not want to be in, like having to respond to me when you don’t feel like it. I’m always here if you need me, though.
2. I overthink. A lot.
This is one of the hardest things I’ve tried to overcome. I overthink almost everything. Sometimes, I don’t even realize I’m doing it until I catch myself spending over 10 minutes figuring out how to respond to a Facebook comment or how to fold the cloth behind the button on my jeans to make my belly less noticeable. Overthinking is tough, and I ask my family and friends to have patience with me when I get lost in the rabbit hole of my own brain.
3. My routine is my comfort zone.
I’m in my mid-20s and haven’t had my first “real” relationship yet. I haven’t experienced true love or met someone who I feel deserves my whole heart. I haven’t traveled far, or really at all. Financial issues are a big reason, but it’s also because familiarity is comforting to me as an introvert, and my social anxiety in new situations can be crippling. If I feel comfortable around you, I’d definitely consider going somewhere new with you.
4. I often feel self-conscious.
I don’t always win the battle, but I never go down without a fight. My insecurities revolve mostly around my physical appearance, but I also struggle with social anxiety. Combine those worries with being an introvert, and sometimes I just want to hide from everyone. I’ve been dealing with self-consciousness for a very long time, but I’m working hard to love myself more every day. My struggles stem from a painful past of bullying, teasing, and negativity toward my appearance, but I’m getting better little by little.
5. I might not tell you how I feel.
Trust me, I truly want you to know how I feel, but as an introvert, it’s not easy to express the millions of thoughts always swarming my brain. That’s why my favorite thing to do is write — it’s an outlet for me to say the things I have trouble talking about. Sometimes it’s easier for me to say, “I’m all right,” than, “My job is stressing me out, and I nearly had a panic attack at work, but I managed to get over it before it became noticeable.” I hate complaining and feeling like I’m burdening others with my problems, so I’d rather stay silent about them now and journal about them later.
6. Although I love spending time alone, I also get lonely.
While I appreciate hanging out with friends and family, I spend most of my time alone. Like many introverts, I enjoy my own company and have a lot of solo hobbies I love. After high school, I moved out of my hometown and don’t have many close friends here. It might be my fault for not reaching out more, but I’m afraid of being too clingy. What’s an appropriate number of times to ask someone to hang out? Once a day? A week? Two weeks? When I hang out with myself, I don’t have to worry about that.
7. I fear rejection.
I don’t like to fail, and I don’t like being considered “not good enough,” so I tend to default to “introvert mode” and try to blend into the background. Hiding is sometimes easier than facing my fears head-on, which loom large in my overthinking mind. For example, the idea of a blind date is absolutely terrifying. Imagine meeting someone and knowing they’re not interested just from the way they look at you. Not all introverts struggle with rejection, but for me, it’s another battle. Like everything else on this list, I’m working on it to the best of my ability.
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8. I notice every little thing.
You probably thought I didn’t hear what you whispered about me or see the judgmental expression on your face, but I did. Like many introverts, I’m also a highly sensitive person, so I notice much more than people realize — every facial expression, every gesture, every change in a person’s tone of voice. I could be a human lie detector, I kid you not. While this can be mentally draining when trying to figure out if someone likes me or not, it also means I remember almost everything people tell me about themselves. If I care about someone, I store every piece of information — good and bad — so I can remember the good things for a future gift or avoid mentioning the bad things as triggers.
(Speaking of highly sensitive people, are you one? Here are 27 “strange” things highly sensitive people do.)
9. I’m shy.
Not all introverts are shy, but I am, and sometimes my introversion and shyness magnify each other. Especially when you first meet me, I’m afraid of being awkward or saying the wrong thing. I prefer listening to talking because I enjoy understanding people better and learning about different perspectives. When people tell me about themselves, it takes me a bit to process it because my brain is meshing all these complex (and often unnecessary) thoughts together, and I’m trying to separate what’s important from what’s not. The closer I get to you and the more comfortable I feel, the more my shyness fades — but it never truly goes away. I used to loathe it, but now I’ve learned to embrace it. It’s better to admit who I am than pretend to be something I’m not.
This list reflects the things I’m both currently embracing and working on improving. Over the years, I have come to love myself more, but I still have some way to go. Although being an introvert can be hard, I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t mean I’m broken. So please be patient with me during the tough times; I really am just trying to be the best version of my introverted self. 
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