When you find “the one” or “your person,” you might find that they don’t drain your energy like others do.
Let’s be honest — love in real life rarely looks like it does in the movies. Most of us won’t experience that cheesy, rom-com moment of “love at first sight,” nor are we likely to be swept off our feet by Prince Charming and ride off into the sunset, fully believing that this is our happily ever after.
If you’re an overthinking introvert like me, you might be particularly cautious when entering relationships. After all, your romantic partner is someone you’ll spend a significant amount of time and social energy on — and those are precious resources for any introvert. So, it makes sense to take your time evaluating potential partners to ensure they’re truly a good fit before fully committing.
As someone who dated her now-husband for more than seven years before tying the knot, I completely understand. Even if you don’t believe in “soulmates” per se, you want to be absolutely sure that the person you’re with is truly “the one” for you — someone you can envision yourself with for the long haul.
But how can you be sure? While every relationship is unique, and you ultimately have to decide for yourself, here are some signs that you might have found “the one” as an introvert.
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6 Signs You’ve Found ‘The One’
1. You don’t have to justify your needs.
As an introvert, it’s crucial that you get the alone time you need to recharge — and a good partner understands and respects that. You shouldn’t have to argue, justify your need for time apart, or defend your introverted behavior — they know it’s all part of who you are (and they love you all the more for it).
That’s not to say you should immediately dismiss a potential partner if they don’t automatically understand your needs as an introvert. If your partner is more extroverted, there might be a learning curve as you both get to know each other’s needs and boundaries. (If you want some tips, here’s how you can explain your introversion to your extroverted partner.) Some growing pains are normal and okay.
However, once you’ve clearly communicated that you need a certain amount of alone time to be happy, your partner should not make you feel judged or take your need for time apart personally. If they’re “the one,” they’ll want you to feel your best during the time you spend together, understanding that means giving you the space you need in between.
2. You have their support, no matter what.
As a highly sensitive introvert, I can be flustered by things that might not bother others as much, like large social gatherings or difficult conversations at work. Despite the world often not understanding my hesitations and anxiety in these situations, I am incredibly fortunate to have a husband who does.
For example, I can always confide in him when I’m struggling to navigate a tricky social situation, preparing for a work presentation, or psyching myself up for an outing that I know will drain my energy. He and I are a team, and we support each other whenever one of us faces a challenge. Whether he’s giving me a pep talk before an event or helping me practice for a job interview, he takes my concerns seriously and helps me through them — no matter how trivial they might seem to the rest of the world.
Every introvert needs a partner like that — someone they can rely on to be their safe place and to help them through the challenges of being an introvert in an extrovert’s world. The right partner will support you through both good times and bad, giving you the strength to face challenges, big and small.
3. They’re willing to work through conflict.
Conflict is a normal and inevitable part of any relationship, and when handled correctly, it can even be healthy. It’s important for both partners to “fight fair” and to work through disagreements in a way that’s safe, respectful, and compassionate. For introverts, who often need time to process things and gather their thoughts before speaking, conflict can be particularly challenging in the moment.
During a tense conversation or prolonged argument, we may start feeling depleted, overstimulated, and exhausted, making it difficult to resolve issues on the spot. In such cases, it might be more productive to step away from the argument and process it alone before returning to the conversation later with a calm, rational mind. (Here are 10 creative things you can do to process and calm your emotions.)
This can be challenging if your partner is the type who wants to “get everything out in the open and talk things through right now.” However, if they’re going to be a good long-term fit for you, they should be willing to find a compromise and work with you to understand your style of handling conflict. When you find “the one,” they’ll work with you, not against you, to resolve any disagreements that arise in your relationship.
Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.
4. You can be your truest self around them.
Like most people, you probably reserve a certain side of yourself for only your inner circle. If you feel comfortable showing your partner your “true personality” — the part of you that comes out around your closest family and friends — that could be a sign you’ve found “the one.” It speaks volumes that you trust this person and feel comfortable being vulnerable with them.
How your partner reacts to you being yourself also says a lot. When an introvert finds “the one,” that person will love them exactly as they are — with no expectations for them to change their personality or pretend to be someone they’re not.
That’s not to say that your partner shouldn’t encourage you to be the best possible version of yourself and occasionally step outside of your comfort zone — growth is healthy and can be beneficial to you and your relationship. But “the one” also won’t try to “fix” your introversion or expect you to “come out of your shell” over time. They won’t consider you “broken” because you’re an introvert. They’ll understand that your introvert traits are an innate part of you, and they’ll fully accept and embrace that.
5. They don’t drain you the way other people do.
For me personally, this may have been my biggest signal that I’d found my person: I realized that being around him didn’t drain my social batteries the way being around other people did. We could spend time “alone together” — doing solo activities that re-energize each of us while still being in the other’s presence — and I’d feel as comfortable and content as I would being completely alone.
Of course, it’s totally normal and healthy to still need and take time away from your partner (and my husband and I spend plenty of time apart from each other, too). There are times when your battery will be depleted, and you need to be fully alone to recharge it. But I think you can learn a lot by paying attention to the overall energy you feel in your relationship. If you generally feel at ease, or even energized after time spent with this person, that’s a good sign.
6. They just “get” you — they understand you intrinsically.
Finally, you’ll know you’ve found your person when they just seem to “get” you. Maybe you feel an instant connection with them — something that tells you, right away, that you just click, that you intrinsically understand each other on a deep level. But this is also something that I think can grow and develop over time.
As the weeks, months, and years pass, you and your partner only continue to grow closer, taking the time to really listen to each other and learn more about each other’s inner worlds. Introverts thrive on this type of deep connection, and the right partner will want to engage in the types of meaningful conversations that strengthen that bond.
Of course, there will still be misunderstandings and disagreements along the way — moments where you or your partner do or say the wrong thing. It won’t be perfect, and there will always be things both of you can continue to work on. But the important thing is that you’re with someone who is willing to put in that work.
Ultimately, falling in love and committing to a relationship with someone requires a leap of faith, no matter how much time and analysis you put into evaluating a potential partner. At the end of the day, if you’ve found someone you trust to have your back — and can see by your side as you navigate all of life’s ups and downs — that’s the best indicator that they’re “the one” for you. 
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