While millions know Garrain Jones for his viral social media videos, keynote speeches and bestselling book empowering people to transform their lives, people close to him know that he invests significant time and energy into being as intentional in his personal life as he is in his professional career. As a father and husband with another child on the way, he and his wife, Blair, have built a home life at their estate in Austin, TX centered on being present for their family and creating legacy through the impact they have on their children.
The power duo built their family life on principles and a framework that intentionally prioritizes communication, showing up for each other and creating harmony in their home. Garrain shared what those principles are and how he and Blair put them into practice in their family as well as in their career.
How has your success influenced your work-life balance and your family goals?
Garrain: In our family, we use the word harmony instead of balance. It’s less about trying to find balance and more about being in the spirit of harmony. Sometimes that may be 80% work, 20% family; sometimes it is 80% family, 20% work. When the harmony in the house is off, it affects us both negatively. When the harmony in the house is flowing, It’s like someone turns on an ecosystem of miracles being manifested and work,play, parenting, money and pretty much everything feels effortless and amplified.
So, what we did was we created our own matrix called the divine order. That divine order is that God comes first, family comes second, everything else comes third. When God is in order in the center of everything and our family is in order, then the way that we feel individually starts to amplify the collective of us as a couple.
Now, when that order is aligned, what happens is Blair sits in her feminine essence. All of a sudden her intuition comes online and she starts whispering secrets in my ear. ‘I think you should go to this party’, ‘I think you should to go to Los Angeles’, and other intuitions that nine times out of ten, were things I wouldn’t normally have done., but every single time I go somewhere by Blair’s powerful suggestion, it results in big opportunities for our professional and personal lives. This has worked with 10X-ing our revenue, for example. This has also worked with the caliber of elevated friendships we have attached in our lives, and the vibration that we hold to attract certain opportunities, and who we are as people and as parents and as individuals.
What are some of the ways that you and your wife maintain a strong relationship?
Garrain: We were already both powerful people going in the relationship, and in the beginning, it was really difficult until we realized that we had systems and structures for everything that was successful in our lives, in our business, church, and our relationship with God, our personal growth and everything for our individual selves, but we didn’t have some type of structure for our relationship. So, we created a structure for our relationship that includes five parts.
First, inspired by another couple we are friends with who held a weekly meeting for their marriage, we took that idea and expanded on it into what we call the weekly love meeting, which is a non-negotiable every Sunday for us. We sit down, and we are 100% present because we are working on our relationship and trimming the weeds if anything comes up in the garden of our relationship.
During those meetings we cover a couple items. Number one, we compare each other’s weekly schedules so there are never any surprises.
We also ask each other, is there anything that you need support with? One week I might be launching my Artist Power Awaken retreat and I’ll say, ‘I need support. Just cheer me on. I’m carrying a lot and I would just love some extra cheering on and celebrations around the house.’ And then Blair will also ask for what her needs are and what she needs support with.
The second powerful part of our relationship is date night. It is our intention to have date night every single week and say, how can we improve upon from the week before? Does it need to be rescheduled? What are we doing? One week I choose the date night, the next week Blair chooses. But the other person can’t say anything about it, so it creates this fun game called let’s see what you come up with. And the only thing that the other partner can say is whether you want adventure or if you want something more chill and relaxed.
Number three is sex. If you don’t talk about sex, it builds up in your mind, and it creates a lot of unnecessary energy. Simple questions like do we want to have more sex this week? What do you need more of? Should I flirt with you more? Not asking for your needs will produce a compound effect of unnecessary energy.
Number four is a big one. We ask each other what is left unsaid. This stops a buildup of a lot of these little things that create this giant explosion of a volcano in a marriage. I’m talking about the little daily annoyances that can build up in a big way over time. We create intentional time to ask each other, ‘what’s left unsaid?’
Then we have number five, the last one. And that is acknowledgment. A lot of times in relationships, people don’t feel seen. So, we create time to ensure that we acknowledge both ourselves and each other and the progress we are making. During that conversation, you get three acknowledgments for yourself that you want to acknowledge yourself for, and three acknowledgments for the other person. Things that you see about them. We try to see things that are not obvious. So we played the game called, I’m trying to see what you didn’t think that I saw.
We attempt every single week. This is important because we can’t grow what we don’t measure. So, through the acknowledgment conversation, we literally measure how we are doing.
Are there lessons that you have learned from your own success in life that you want to impart to your children?
Garrain: People don’t do what you say, they do what they see and they respond to the energy in the house and how they feel. So the best way to say something to them is to be an example of the most powerful representation of living a fully liberated life of genuine happiness, joy, and authentic expression, and loving prosperity.
What are some of the ways you inject those lessons and values for your children into everyday family life?
Garrain: By being the highest representation of what you are instructing them to do. I will never ask someone to do something that I’m not a living example of what I’m guiding them to do. So, I don’t want to be a false representation of the words that are coming out of my mouth.
One example is whenever Blair and I argue, which it’s not that often, but when it does happen, we believe in healthy resolve. So even when our daughter Soul was six months old, we would put her right on the counter in front of us and have her watch us come to a healthy resolve. Then we will say to her, “Soul, this is not your fault. Mommy and Daddy are just learning how to communicate better.” So even though she couldn’t truly process it, it was still being ingrained inside of her processing system.
Now, at two and a half years old, when Soul has little disputes and arguments with her two-year-old friends, she starts to mirror the same type of resolve that she’s only seen in our household.
I definitely didn’t grow up with healthy resolve, so it took me 35 years to re-parent myself and learn how to regulate my own nervous system. And the same thing with Blair. Because of that, we get to be those kinds of parents in a household that we never got. And this is no knock on our parents. They did the best they could with what they had. What we did is we just built off of what we learned, saw what works for us, saw what didn’t, and now we get to create our own family systems that is based on how we live in our own everyday life.
What are some of the ways that, despite your busy family life, busy professional life, what are some of the ways that you prioritize taking care of your physical and mental health?
Garrain: Well, Blair wakes up each day at 7:00 A.M. and Soul wakes up anywhere from 7:00 to 8:00 A.M. I used to wake up at 5:00 AM so I could have some “me time”. But not being able to predict when Soul wakes up as she grows, what I do now is I wake up at 4:20 A.M. every single morning. This is not about bragging about who gets up the earliest, it is more about finding whatever uninterrupted time is needed to pour into myself so I can give from my overflow and not my exhaustion.
I wake up, run five or ten miles, hit the sauna, cold plunge and red light in my house and then I do 500 push-ups.
That right there is the human version for me of starting up a sports car. I feel like it is really unhealthy to just get up and go without pouring into yourself first because that’s why so many people have burnout. How you start your day, whether it’s checking emails first thing in the morning or looking at your text messages, is all going to go into the frequency that your body is holding as you go into the rest of your day.
By the time I’m done, I’ve already given myself two and a half hours absolutely focused on Garrain and filling up Garrain’s cup. My entire day meets the fullness of my overflow with zero crashes. I don’t drink coffee, I don’t take any outside stimulants, to build muscle, make me stronger, or to energize me. I don’t have any other thing outside of my vitamins and supplements and a healthy smoothie. I’ve learned how to rev my own car engine and stabilize the drive throughout the day.
Needless to day, I don’t workout for the muscles or the ABS or for how I look, I work out for the discipline. That discipline can be transferred to every area of my life. Somehow I end up with the muscles and the ABS and so much more.
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