I enjoy trying new things — but at the same time, I also have crippling anxiety around people.
Starting a new hobby can be an exciting opportunity to explore new interests, learn new skills, and meet new people. However, if you’re anything like me, a socially anxious introvert, it can also be incredibly daunting, full of anxieties like:
What if I’m bad at it? What if I embarrass myself? What if I have to talk to people?
Well, fear not. As terrifying as it is, I am here to talk you through facing that fear and maybe even having a little fun.
For example, during the COVID-19 lockdown, my partner picked up skateboarding. I’d tried it a few times with him, but I was nervous to try it on my own or around other people.
At some point, I got an Instagram ad for a women’s surf-skate camp (gotta love the algorithm) that looked amazing. I was too nervous to book it (mostly thanks to the anxieties mentioned above), but after stalking their page over and over, I had a “screw it” moment and went for it.
I’d already paid the money, and it was non-refundable. I had to go…
And it was so much fun! I even managed to win a skateboard!
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Using Anxiety as Motivation
I’d like to say that from that point on, I never looked back — but alas. I was still an anxious introvert and too nervous to practice skateboarding by myself or go to meet-ups, so I didn’t touch a board for months.
Then, one day while out and about, I saw a leaflet for an indoor skate park in my area. I googled it, and they were offering monthly beginner courses for adults. So, like any normal introvert, I closed the page and checked back regularly… until it was sold out.
But this turned out to be the exact push I needed to actually book the course when it opened again. I’m now four months in and loving it. Am I still bad at it? Yes, absolutely! But I started with other beginners, and we’re all learning together — and I’m definitely better than if I’d never picked up the board again. Last week, I dropped in for the first time!
So if you’ve been yearning to try out a new hobby, especially one that involves other people, I’m here to tell you: Do it!
But I know… you have some questions.
Why You Should Find a Social Hobby
Because you want to. Maybe you moved to a new area and don’t know anyone. Maybe you already know people, but you want to find an interest that’s just for you. Maybe life is a lot right now, and you could use an outlet. Whatever your reason, listen to it.
I know, there may be things holding you back. Personally, I enjoy meeting new people and trying new things — but at the same time, I also have crippling anxiety around people. On my worst days, this anxiety manifests as me completely shutting down: I can’t think, I can’t speak, I just stand there and cringe.
I also struggle with trying new things because I don’t want to be bad at them — or, even more terrifying, be seen being bad at them. I also struggle to do things I enjoy if no one else is around (apparently, I need the fear of judgment to do things, even if I love doing them). My condolences to you if you relate.
So, how do we get over this? By trying new things and allowing ourselves to be bad at them, I guess.
So, What Hobby Should You Do?
You may already have an idea of something you want to do. It could be something you liked as a child that you want to pick up again, something you’ve seen other people do, or something you’ve been obsessing over for a while. Whatever it is, make it something you enjoy, not just something you think you should do.
If you already have an idea, it’s time to do some googling. Look for classes or teams in your area. Meetup.com can be a good place to find groups of people doing the hobby you’re interested in, whether it’s playing frisbee, softball, hiking, or anything else. Facebook can also be a useful way to find groups and events happening in your area. Or go old-school and look for flyers posted in cafes, sports centers, libraries, and so on.
If you have no idea what you want to do, the process is pretty similar. Do some googling, do some wondering, and think about things you have even a vague interest in.
Here are some ideas to get you started: skateboarding, roller skating, football (lots more women’s groups and teams are around now due to its growing exposure), art groups (there are lots of life-drawing classes around), pottery, walking groups, creative writing, board games…
How to Choose One
Next comes the hard part. You have to commit. You don’t have to be the best at it — but you have to go and do it.
Because we introverts might overthink, it can be hard for us to make decisions, so do not get stuck in the decision spiral. When I’m struggling with this, I like to find what I call “the least shit idea.” From your list of ideas, take two of them and decide which one is the least shit — and then cross the other off your list. Continue doing this until you only have one idea left. (You can also frame this exercise in a more positive way, such as calling it “most exciting idea,” if your disposition prefers.)
Remember: This is not a static state. It is the idea that works for you at this moment. You can always change your mind later. Nothing is permanent. DO NOT PANIC.
Is social anxiety holding you back?
Although social anxiety is not the same thing as introversion, many introverts experience this painful and isolating condition. The truth is you can beat social anxiety, and our partner Natasha Daniels can show you how. This means more relaxed conversations, more enjoyable work/school days, and more social invitations that you don’t immediately decline (unless you want to, of course!). Click here to check out her online class for kids and adults, How to Crush Social Anxiety.
Okay, But How Do You Even ‘Hobby’?
The wisdom I come across while googling “how to hobby” always seems to be “just do it!” (super helpful — thanks!) or “ask a friend and get them to go with you” (accountability for the win!).
This is probably great advice for some people, but inviting a friend fills me with dread. What if they don’t want to go and reject me? Or think it’s stupid/childish/embarrassing/(insert your own unhelpful thinking pattern here)? Or they (finally) realize how uncool I am and decide they can’t be friends with me anymore. Or worse, mercilessly make fun of me for the rest of my life?
Down the overthinking spiral we go…
But in reality, I know that if I actually asked a friend to tag along, it would be fine; they would either politely decline, or I’d have a friend (and accountability buddy) to start a new hobby with.
All this to say, if you are able to ask a friend, do it! It’s a great way to keep each other on track.
But if, like me, overthinking stops it from being a viable option, then it might be time to put your money where your mouth is. Paying for classes has been the only consistent way I’ve found to actually get myself to commit and show up to anything new.
Personally, spending money makes me feel vulnerable. I worry that it’s not the best use of my finances and that by spending it on something “frivolous,” I put my future happiness at risk. But spending money on things that you enjoy (or even might enjoy) is worth it. Prioritizing your happiness and mental health now is prioritizing your future happiness. So pay for that class/session/activity. It may give you that extra push you need to actually show up.
However, I acknowledge that this sentiment comes from a place of privilege. If you don’t have the money, try to find a free group and send them a message to say that you’re going to come to the next session. That way, you’ll give yourself extra incentive to be there. You promised!
Next, Make Your Hobby a Habit
When we make something a habit, we are more likely to follow through with it. (Research has proven this to be true.) It stops being something we have to fight with ourselves to do and becomes automatic.
This is why classes or team sports are particularly good, because you often have to book them for a set amount of time, or training will take place on particular days. If your activity doesn’t have a set schedule, try to build your own habit around it. We introverts tend to be planners, anyway. Maybe you can add it to your morning routine or evening one.
Have Fun Along the Way
When starting your new hobby, don’t forget to enjoy being a beginner. This is another reason classes are great: They take away some of the fear of being bad because everyone’s “bad” and there to learn. Plus, in most cases, people are happy to help if you have questions or get stuck. As adults, we rarely get the opportunity to start from zero, so explore this space and find enjoyment in the effort.
Also, be kind to yourself along the way. Sometimes you won’t be able to attend, whether it’s for scheduling reasons, anxiety (which happens to the best of us), or a myriad of other reasons. That’s okay. We are all doing the best we can at any given moment.
And don’t forget to celebrate your progress! It’s easy to get frustrated when you get stuck as you learn a new skill, but look back to when you started and think about all the ways you’ve improved. The point is to have fun. If that’s not the case, and it’s becoming a huge stressor, then quit! Take a break, then try something new.
By the way, there is absolutely no shame in quitting. All we’re doing here is trying to bring a little joy into our lives, and if this new hobby isn’t working for you, then it may be time to move on. All of us could probably get more comfortable quitting things that aren’t right for us.
Armed with this knowledge, I challenge you to go out into the world and try something new. Good luck!
And I’d love to know about a new hobby you’ve tried. Feel free to tell me in the comments below. 
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