Once I gained the confidence to go out alone, nothing could stop me from doing what I wanted.
I know a handful of people who wouldn’t be caught dead spending time alone in public for fear of being judged. Although I used to have the same mindset, I eventually discovered the wonders that having some alone time can do for me.
As an introverted child, the idea of doing things alone has never been a foreign concept to me. Growing up with no siblings compelled me to learn how to entertain myself, and I recall fond memories of my seven-year-old self playing with Barbie dolls and watching cartoons solo.
I do enjoy interacting with people, and while I need my occasional dose of socializing, I never really struggled to make the most of my alone time and enjoy my own company.
My fondness for alone time has caused people to label me a “loner.” Although I wear my loner badge loud and proud, many people who never understood the appeal of solo time often get the impression that I’m miserable and lonely. But what does “lonely” mean, anyway? Merriam-Webster best defines it as “sad from being alone.”
The Journey to Embracing My Alone Time
The thing is, being alone doesn’t make me sad in the slightest. On the rare occasions that I crave company, I still find myself needing some time to myself. For instance, during a trip with family or friends, I make it a point to set aside some time for strolling or exploring a part of the city on my own. And when I meet up with friends, I tend to arrive early so I can walk around the mall (or wherever) for a bit.
I won’t lie and say that I’ve always felt comfortable being seen alone. It took a certain level of maturity to feel at ease in my own skin and stop worrying about what other people might think. But the more I learned to cherish my alone time, the more liberated I felt.
Tips to Feel Confident Doing Things Alone
1. See a live performance on your own.
I confess that I’m not exactly an avid concert-goer. But if an artist I truly adore is in town for a show, then count me in.
The idea of loud, blaring music — while in the middle of an overly enthusiastic crowd, no less — may be horrifying for an introvert, especially if you’re on your own. But believe me, it can feel liberating, too.
Sure, an overwhelming crowd can be pretty intimidating, but remind yourself that everyone is too focused on the show to pay attention to the people around them — like you. Chatting with other concert-goers is also not a requirement; you came simply to see an artist you like.
If going to a concert alone still feels like too much to bear, my advice is to take baby steps and start with a movie or play. Dark theaters provide a less intimidating atmosphere, and you don’t really get a clear view of the faces of other moviegoers or audience members.
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2. Eat at a restaurant alone.
I used to associate eating alone with great shame. Most of the time, eating is perceived as a social activity, so I was afraid of being seen as an outcast who didn’t have anyone to share a meal with. I also had a tendency to choose the least crowded restaurant to avoid running into people I knew. I would tuck myself away in the farthest, least conspicuous corner, away from prying eyes.
But I eventually overcame this insecurity. To feel less self-conscious and awkward while waiting for my order, I always make sure to keep myself busy by reading a book, watching Netflix, or simply browsing social media. These things help shift my focus away from the thought of people watching and judging me (hint: there’s a 99.9 percent chance they aren’t).
3. Join a fitness class.
I get the impression that most introverts would rather sign up for individual training with a coach than work out with strangers. But one paradox I find myself in is my discomfort with one-on-one coaching sessions. The feeling of having a trainer breathing down my neck, watching my every move, just doesn’t sit well with me.
Similarly, I don’t feel comfortable exercising on my own in a crowded gym filled with fitness junkies who seem to have it all figured out — while I’m standing there completely clueless about how to use the equipment.
This is where fitness classes come in handy. I love the feeling of joining a group of people who share my interest in fitness, but in a more intimate setting. Some might still find the idea of exercising with a group of strangers too daunting, so small-group classes are a perfect middle ground.
For example, the Pilates classes I attend have a maximum of only five slots per session due to the limited number of machines. This makes the experience more intimate and less overwhelming.
4. Go on a solo trip.
Disclaimer: This last item is not for everyone. Safety concerns, emergencies, and accidents — among other risks — are the last things you’d want to encounter when traveling solo. But when done right, a solo trip can be life-changing and create memories that last a lifetime.
If you’re not yet ready to set foot in unfamiliar territory on your own, I suggest taking a solo trip to a place you’re already familiar with. Traveling to a foreign country alone had always been on my bucket list, but it took me a while to overcome my fear.
When I finally mustered up the courage, I chose Tokyo as my destination. Not only had I visited before, but it’s also known as one of the safest cities for solo travelers.
Find a Middle Ground
Having the confidence to do things alone undeniably gives me a sense of independence and freedom. One thing I dislike is holding myself back from activities I want to do just because I don’t have company. This mindset has only led to missed opportunities — ones I still regret passing up to this day. Once I gained the confidence to do things alone, nothing could stop me from doing what I wanted.
One thing to keep in mind, though: Doing things alone can be incredibly empowering, but once you get used to it, you might unconsciously miss out on opportunities to socialize or build your network. In her book The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World, Sophia Dembling warns that excessive isolation is unhealthy. To become well-rounded individuals, we all need regular social interaction.
My advice is to strike a balance between cherishing your alone time and making an effort to connect with others. In my case, I sometimes invite a close friend to an exercise class with me. Not only do I get to enjoy the experience with someone else, but I might also introduce them to a new hobby.
Or, instead of keeping to myself during an exercise class, I occasionally make an effort to chat with my classmates before the session starts. Who knows? Some of them might turn into lifelong friends.
And while I emphasized that chatting isn’t necessary at a live event, it wouldn’t hurt to exchange a word or two with the person sitting next to me. After all, we’re both there for the same artist or performer, so there’s already some common ground.
If you’re someone who still needs a little push when it comes to enjoying alone time, I suggest trying just one of the activities I mentioned. After all, stepping out of our comfort zone every now and then can be good for us. 
