ADHD & Marriage News – February 5, 2025
Quote of the Week
“…Acceptance is fundamentally different than the idea of passive resignation. The latter involves giving up trying to change something but continuing to feel victimized by it, as might be experienced by both partners before they really understand the nature of ADHD. By contrast, acceptance is the process of distinguishing between what can or should be changed and what cannot or should not be changed…Getting a diagnosis of ADHD not only allows the couple to make certain helpful changes, but helps them make better-informed choices about what is likely to change and what is unlikely to change. Knowing what to accept liberates them from fruitless and disheartening battles so that they can focus on each other’s positive qualities…and the rewarding parts of the relationship.”
– Ari Tuckman, PhD.
Acceptance Frees You
Dr. Ned Hallowell calls a diagnosis of ADHD ‘good news.’ Once you know that ADHD is part of your relationship you can learn how to manage it better, and also how to interpret what is actually happening between you. It makes sense to learn as much as you can, and my books and couples seminar can help with this.
After knowledge comes acceptance. As Tuckman points out, this doesn’t have to mean ‘passive resignation,’ though some people choose that route. ADHD is one of the most manageable mental health issues there is – but it takes engagement and drive on the part of the person with ADHD to make progress. There are MANY different ways to address the specific symptoms you or your partner might have. I urge you to set target symptoms to provide direction, then try out those tactics that fit with your strengths and needs. It’s about constantly learning and replacing unfortunate coping strategies with solid ones that help you live as you wish.
Research supports that medication and behavioral work combined can help adults make very significant improvements in their lives. I observe that counseling for trauma is also often needed (and shown to work, as well.)
Please – take your diagnosis as good news, engage with managing your ADHD, and then focus on your – or your partner’s – positive qualities.
UPCOMING EVENTS:
February 11, 2025 7:30 PM – 8:30 PM EASTERN TIME – free, live (by Zoom) Information Session – Learn how and why the Intent to Action (I2A) program can help you take action, transform your relationship, and sustain the change. Ask Melissa and Rachel your questions.
Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD
SEMINARS, GROUPS:
NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program: ADHD Management Tools, Expert Support and Community for ADHD Impacted Relationships – (LAUNCHING Feb 17, 2025) Learn to create lasting change as you turn your intentions and knowledge into concrete action. You’ll get specific ADHD management tools, real-time expert support for your relationship, and a connected, like-minded online community. Register for our free, live (by Zoom) information session. February 11, 2025, 7:30 PM-8:30 PM EST.
ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples’ Seminar – (The next 9-session ZOOM seminar starts in March, and registration will open Feb 15). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent ’24 live seminar.
Non ADHD Partner Support Group – (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other’s successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!
Foundations in Habit Development – (Full) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples’ Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.
ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group – (registration open, ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the seminar.
Couples Support Group – (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.
FREE RESOURCES:
Live (by Zoom) Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program information session. February 11, 2025, 7:30 PM – 8:30 PM (America/New York)
Weekly email Marriage Tips newsletters;
How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD;
Downloadable chapters of my books;
A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Social Media: – follow us for tips and resources
ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!
Question? Contact Melissa.
© 2025 Melissa Orlov
