Emotional neglect can impact a child just as much as abuse, even though it’s less visible and harder to remember.
If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), there’s a good chance you experience emotions intensely — sometimes so much that they overwhelm you. As Jenn Granneman explains in her award-winning book, Sensitive, highly sensitive people are born with a nervous system that processes their environment more deeply than the average person. Most sensitive people are highly attuned to their own feelings and the emotions of others, which can be a powerful gift.
But what happens when you grow up in a family that doesn’t value this trait? It could mean:
- Your parents dismissed your feelings as “overreacting.”
- They rarely expressed their own emotions and felt uncomfortable when you did.
- You were labeled as different — a “dreamer” or a “crybaby” — because of your sensitivity.
Sadly, childhood emotional neglect isn’t uncommon. Research suggests that many otherwise healthy families raise their children with emotional neglect — a failure to recognize or respond to emotions. This neglect can have negative effects on any child, but especially on highly sensitive children.
What It Means to Be Emotionally Neglected
According to psychologist and author Dr. Jonice Webb, childhood emotional neglect happens when a parent fails to respond to a child’s emotional needs. “It may sound like nothing, and it often looks like nothing,” Webb explains. “But actually, [it] can have as great an impact on a child as abuse, even though it’s not noticeable or memorable like abuse is.”
Emotional neglect often doesn’t seem unhealthy at all. Parents may take good care of their child in many ways, ensuring their physical needs are met. But something crucial is missing: The parent doesn’t validate their child’s feelings or respond to their emotional needs.
This lack of validation has consequences. Webb explains that emotionally neglected children often grow up feeling deeply alone. As kids, they may believe their needs aren’t important, their feelings don’t matter, or that asking for help is a sign of weakness. As adults, the effects of emotional neglect can linger as unnecessary guilt, self-criticism, low self-confidence, or a deep sense of personal flaw.
These struggles can affect anyone who experienced emotional neglect. But what if you’re a highly sensitive person? If you’re naturally wired to be highly attuned to emotions, how does emotional neglect impact you?
How Emotional Neglect Affects a Highly Sensitive Child
Webb wrote in-depth about highly sensitive children growing up in emotionally neglectful families. She emphasized that emotional upbringing alone cannot make a child highly sensitive, just as emotional neglect cannot erase a child’s sensitivity. High sensitivity is a genetic trait — you’re either born with it or you’re not. However, early childhood experiences do play a role in shaping how that sensitivity develops. In other words, emotional neglect doesn’t change whether a child is highly sensitive, but according to Webb, it does affect sensitive kids differently than other children.
That’s because emotions are, in many ways, a sensitive person’s first language — and an emotionally neglectful family doesn’t speak that language. While all parents have emotions, emotionally neglectful parents avoid expressing their own feelings or acknowledging the emotions of others. In doing so, they cut themselves off from one of the most important aspects of their highly sensitive child’s inner world.
At best, growing up as a sensitive child in an emotionally neglectful home is like being a musician in a world without music. At worst, it’s like having parents who actively tell you that your music is bad.
As Webb writes, “Imagine being a deeply thoughtful, intensely feeling child growing up in a family that is neither. Imagine your intense feelings being ignored or discouraged. Imagine that your thoughtfulness is viewed as a weakness.”
Of course, many sensitive people don’t have to imagine this — it’s the reality they grew up with. Sadly, this kind of emotional neglect sends sensitive children a damaging message: Your greatest strength is not valued here.
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How Childhood Emotional Neglect Harms Sensitive People
Everyone is shaped by their childhood environment, whether positive or negative, but for highly sensitive people, this impact is even greater. Research suggests that sensitive individuals struggle more in unhealthy environments but also thrive in supportive ones. Because of this, childhood emotional neglect can have an especially strong effect on sensitive kids.
Not every sensitive child who experiences emotional neglect will face all of the challenges below, but some possible outcomes include:
- Their sensitivity becomes a joke — even with their parents. Comments like “you’re too sensitive” or “you’re such a dreamer” may be well-intentioned, but they inevitably feel like criticism. Over time, these remarks can make a child believe their sensitivity is a flaw.
- Siblings may pick on the sensitive child. Brothers and sisters are often experiencing emotional neglect as well, but they may naturally adopt the “toughen up” mindset more easily than their sensitive sibling. This can lead to teasing or bullying, reinforcing a family pecking order where the sensitive child feels like the weakest link.
- They think there’s something wrong with them. Highly sensitive children are completely normal, but when they’re repeatedly treated as the “odd one out,” they may start to internalize the belief that their emotions are “wrong” and don’t matter.
- Confidence issues. Given all of the above, it’s no surprise that a sensitive child may struggle with self-doubt and low self-worth. Emotionally neglectful parents often see this as a weakness and may pressure the child to “be more confident” — without ever validating their natural strengths and emotions.
- Struggles with criticism. Sensitive people already tend to react strongly to criticism, and criticism is always difficult for a child. But for a sensitive child raised in an emotionally neglectful home, there’s no model for healthy feedback. Without seeing constructive criticism handled in a supportive way, they may develop an intense fear of being judged or corrected.
- Overstimulation, energy crashes, or panic attacks. Sensitive people are naturally prone to overstimulation in loud, busy, or emotionally intense environments. With supportive parents, they learn self-care strategies to manage it. But emotionally neglectful parents often dismiss these needs as “overreacting” — or worse, get angry at the child for them. This can turn overstimulation into a source of fear, leading to meltdowns, panic attacks, or emotional shutdowns.
- Loneliness. When your emotional needs are ignored and no one seems to understand you, you start to feel deeply isolated, as if you don’t belong anywhere.
- Difficulty asking for help. A child who grows up with emotional neglect learns that asking for help leads to rejection or judgment. Over time, they may stop reaching out altogether, believing they should handle everything on their own. For a highly sensitive child — who already struggles to feel understood — this can be especially damaging.
- Anxiety. All of these factors can combine to create lasting anxiety, fueled by the fear that they’re always doing something “wrong.”
4 Steps to Recovering from Childhood Emotional Neglect
Unfortunately, childhood emotional neglect doesn’t just disappear when you grow up. Adults may carry it with them, and it can affect everything — their relationships, self-image, and mental well-being. The good news is that emotional neglect is something you can recover from. Here are four strategies to help:
- Get to know yourself and embrace yourself as you are. Understanding your sensitivity is a key step toward recognizing that your needs are normal and valid. Likewise, learning about the emotional patterns caused by neglect can help you identify — and change — your own behaviors. A great starting point is Dr. Webb’s checklist to determine if you grew up with childhood emotional neglect.
- Recognize that your feelings, needs, and desires matter just as much as anyone else’s. This might mean speaking up more in friendships, clearly voicing your needs, or setting healthy boundaries. (Here’s how to set boundaries when you’re a peace-loving introvert.)
- Start expressing your needs. People recovering from emotional neglect often keep their emotions hidden or may even feel emotionally “numb.” As a sensitive person, you might only express your needs when you’re completely overwhelmed — or withdraw and rarely express them at all. But the best time to express your feelings is in everyday interactions. “When you begin to treat yourself as if you matter,” Webb writes, “the people in your life begin to see you differently and respond to you differently. They start to see your personality, your emotions, and your needs. And they start to respond to what they can finally see.”
- Learn to self-soothe. Most people develop self-soothing skills in childhood through the comfort and reassurance of loving adults. If you grew up with emotional neglect, you may have never learned how to calm yourself in healthy ways — but it’s a skill you can develop now. Webb offers a detailed guide here.
Many people also benefit from talking to a therapist about their childhood emotional neglect. You can find HSP-friendly therapists here.
For too long, society has told us that sensitivity is a weakness, when it’s actually your greatest strength. To learn more about your superpower, check out Jenn Granneman’s book, Sensitive. 
