As an introvert, it’s perfectly OK to feel however you do about the holidays and to choose which parties you want to attend — or skip.
Oh, how I love the holidays — cuddling up by the fire, hot cocoa in hand, and Idina Menzel’s Christmas album playing over the speakers. (Yes, I’m a die-hard theater kid, and no, I’m not ashamed.) If I could, I would spend all of December in this cozy little cocoon of warmth and, most importantly, quiet.
Unfortunately, that’s not quite how the holidays actually go for me, especially with my family and friends. For as long as I can remember, the last three weeks of the year have been a mad dash from house to house and family party to other-side-of-the-family party — all to tell every single person I’ve ever met, “Happy Holidays!”
When I was younger, I didn’t mind this tradition. I liked seeing my extended family, who would ask me about school and what doll I wanted for Christmas. I also enjoyed the gift swaps with my friends. But as an adult, the thought of starting up conversation after conversation — even with loved ones — while noise follows me from room to room (even when I try to escape to the bathroom) is far from my idea of a good time.
An Introvert in a Family of Extroverts
Most of my loved ones thrive in these environments. They can navigate small talk effortlessly, ask all the right questions, and genuinely enjoy the buzz of a crowd. It’s not that I can’t do these things — I can — but it’s exhausting. My entire month’s social battery drains in a matter of minutes.
Unfortunately, I’m not great at hiding my emotions, so I’m often bombarded with questions like, “What’s wrong?” I try to explain: “Oh, I’m just tired. It’s very loud, and I’m not super comfortable.”
But, as I’m sure many readers will understand, explaining introversion to extroverts is no easy task. My well-meaning loved ones try to help with comments like, “Just have some more food. You’re probably hungry,” or, “But you know these people — how can you not be comfortable?” These awkward exchanges leave me feeling guilty for not being able to do what everyone else seems to find so natural: talk.
This guilt usually leads to me comfort-eating my weight in sugar cookies. But over the years, through trial and error, I’ve discovered three essential tips that help me survive — and even enjoy — the holidays with my extroverted loved ones.
3 Tips for Spending Time With Extroverts During the Holidays
1. Hold a drink in your hand (not necessarily to drink).
No, this isn’t about staying slightly tipsy at every holiday party. The drink trick is your secret weapon for those situations where you feel stuck — whether it’s a conversation with your friend’s chatty coworker at their ugly sweater party or a family dinner where escape feels impossible.
Here’s how it works: Grab a very hot (or very cold) beverage and hold it in your hands. Focus on the temperature — really feel it against your skin. Let your attention settle there for a few moments. If the situation gets too overwhelming, fake a little cough (nothing dramatic) and take a long, deliberate sip. This gives you a moment where the spotlight is off you, providing a brief pause to reset without anyone noticing.
You can also use your drink as a mindfulness anchor. Take slow, deep breaths while holding it and picture yourself in your favorite place — somewhere peaceful and calming. Let that image steady you until you can excuse yourself.
And when your energy starts to drain, return to the simple act of focusing on the temperature of your drink. It’s a subtle way to ground yourself and quiet those overthinking thoughts: Am I talking too little? Is everyone looking at me? When can I go home? Instead of spiraling, let your drink become your little pocket of calm.
2. Find a “validation buddy” who understands your discomfort.
This is your go-to person — the one who “gets” you. They’re someone you can confide in when you’re uncomfortable, and they’ll respond without judgment. Maybe it’s your sister when you’re with family or your roommate who tagged along to the party. Simply put, they’re the person who can remind you that it’s okay to feel however you’re feeling when the environment feels overwhelming.
Having a “validation buddy” is great, but giving them a little guidance can make it even better. Sometimes, when I share my feelings with extroverted friends, they offer well-meaning advice that’s not helpful at all. That’s why I find it useful to share a “script” with my buddy in advance.
Before heading out, have a quick chat with them and explain that what you need most is validation, not solutions. Let them know that phrases like these make a huge difference:
- “I’m sorry this is hard for you.”
- “I’m here for whatever you need.”
- “It’s okay to feel this way. You’re entitled to your feelings.”
- “We can leave whenever you want.”
Hearing these reminders can be incredibly grounding, even if your buddy doesn’t fully understand why you need them. Of course, you can adjust these phrases to match your own needs, but the idea is the same: Having someone there to reassure and support you makes navigating social situations a little easier.
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3. Plan whatever elements of the evening you can.
Sometimes we find ourselves in social situations we didn’t sign up for. Maybe dinner with friends suddenly turns into bar-hopping or hanging out at someone’s apartment — and then you’re stuck there for hours.
While you can’t always control these spontaneous moments, you can plan for the events you know about in advance. Start by marking them on your calendar, including the time it will take to get there and when they start. Then, block out some time earlier that day — or the day before — to mentally prepare yourself. Use this time to pamper yourself with a favorite me-time activity or do something completely mindless that helps you recharge. The goal is to set aside a pocket of time where you can fully enjoy yourself.
When you’re at the social event, remember that me-time. In a way, the two moments balance each other: “I’m here now, so I’ll enjoy the quiet even more when I get home.” Or, “I had my quiet time yesterday, and now I’m trading it for a little healthy human interaction.”
This mental trade-off can make social events feel less draining because you know you’ve planned something restorative for yourself. It’s a simple reminder that you’re in control of how you balance your energy.
At the End of the Day (or Holiday Season), Celebrate However You’d Like
I love the holidays, but let’s be honest — sometimes all the get-togethers can be overwhelming. There’s often pressure to act a certain way, show up at every event, and keep up with the holiday cheer.
But here’s the thing: You don’t have to. Feel however you want to feel, and go to whichever parties you actually want to attend — or skip them entirely if that’s what feels right. Extroverts might not always understand us introverts, but I think we’re pretty amazing. We deserve to celebrate in ways that make us happy, even if that means staying home in our favorite pajamas.
So, here’s to a peaceful, quiet holiday… (We can dream, right?)
Introverts, what about you? What are your go-to tips for surviving — or thriving — during the holiday season? Share them in the comments below — I’d love to hear your thoughts! 
