Ari Tuckman’s survey of ‘mixed’ ADHD relationships suggests there are a lot of affairs in ADHD-impacted relationships. I’m not surprised by this. While some people are just serial non-monogamists or thrill seekers, many of the affairs I see in my work have to do with power-imbalances and that is just really, really common in couples impacted by ADHD.
For ADHD partners, affairs can be related to falling into the low-status ‘child’ roll in parent-child dynamics. An affair partner provides feelings of importance and appreciation again. For non-ADHD partners, having a chronically distracted partner can lead to feeling unloved or unlovable. In this case, the empowerment comes from learning that you are still desirable.
Don’t mistake me here – I’m not blaming the other partner for your choice to have an affair. There are other ways to feel empowered again (for example, counseling or developing a sense of purpose outside the relationship.) I am simply elaborating upon Stosny’s theme with ADHD-specific examples.
To consider: If you are feeling disempowered in your relationship it’s time to seek help. Look to yourself, rather than others, to find your power again. I know you can do it!
REGISTRATION NOW OPEN, Details below:
Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups
SEMINARS, GROUPS:
ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples’ Seminar – (registration open, starts January 22, 2025). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultant Ashley Paradise help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. This 9-session ZOOM seminar is on Wednesdays, Jan. 22 – March 19, 2025, from 7:30-9:15pm Eastern Time. The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent ’24 live seminar.
Non ADHD Partner Support Group (registration open, 4 of the 10 sessions are full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other’s successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!
Foundations in Habit Development – (Full) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples’ Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.
ADHD & Marriage Consulting group – (registration open, ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the seminar.
Couples support group – (registration open, starts January 21, 2025). Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.
Intent to Action Membership Program – (starts Feb 17, 2025) To inspire and help you both sustain attention for the long term on the parts of your relationship that you both feel is most important to you. The first 100 memberships will cost only $124 per couple (or individual, if you wish to do it alone) per month. Sign up to get an email reminder about registration for in early January.
FREE RESOURCES:
Weekly email Marriage Tips newsletters;
How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD;
Downloadable chapters of my books;
A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Social Media: – follow us for tips and resources
ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!
Question? Contact Melissa.
