It’s perfectly okay to have a comfort zone and relax there when you need to. But is it possible to take it too far?
“Just push yourself. Get out of your comfort zone!” Does this phrase from some well-meaning, energetic lady named Janet cause a twinge of anxiety and resistance to flare in your gut?
Same here. But I’m wondering — does that mean I’m a lazy sloth in a self-made cage? Or maybe more of a rebellious child with her heels stuck in the mud? Maybe. Or… could it be that I just don’t want to, and this feeling is really my inner wise, intuitive voice — the one that feels content and glows when I listen to her, like when I slip out the door for a walk or tuck myself into bed early.
Sometimes, I judge and compare myself to what others are doing, especially the more extroverted people around me, whose comfort zones seem to be the size of a pea. This can make it hard to figure out which part of myself is speaking. It happens when I’m deciding whether to attend yet another big social event in my free time or switch to a higher-stress job with better pay.
Maybe, just maybe, a part of me secretly wants to — but is scared. Or, actually, I just need to chill and do some yoga at home. Or maybe find a job that’s better suited for my introverted temperament.
What I’m learning is that “growth” and “comfort zones” are much more nuanced than we often accept. And if you’re an introvert, it’s important to be aware that these standards are often built around extroverted ideals, which may be different from what you need and where you thrive.
So, is it possible that the demonized comfort zone can also be healthy — and even stimulate growth for you as an introvert?”
The Difference Between a ‘Comfort Zone’ and a ‘Comfort Cave’
To me, “comfort zone” sounds pretty nice. I envision a warm, softly lit room filled with plush chairs, a stack of books, Autumn in New York, and a steaming cup of tea.
Like many introverts, I love being surrounded by comfort and coziness, taking much-needed breaks from the constant stimulation of life. So why are you trying to kick me out of there again?
It’s perfectly okay — and healthy — to have a comfort zone and allow yourself to chill there as needed. Consider this your permission slip. As we know, this space to recharge is actually a necessity for introverts, and for humans in general, to avoid burnout and breakdowns. But when people say “get out of your comfort zone,” what we might really imagine is a comfort cave.
A “comfort cave” is dark and deep, a place where you completely retreat from the outside world. As someone who is comfortable being alone, it’s possible that, under stress, you may withdraw from everything and become increasingly isolated.
While it can feel safe and easy to be alone, out of the way of any threats, you may experience some negative symptoms (such as depression or anxiety) from being too tucked away in the darkness. (In fact, a little crust might even be forming in your hair.)
When you suspect you’re operating from the comfort cave, it’s important to be gentle with yourself. Throwing open the blinds or chopping off all your hair in frustration will only push you further back inside. Instead, grab a cup of tea and check in with yourself lovingly, like you would with a friend you can be honest with.
So let’s say you’re faced with a decision — some kind of invite or turning point — and you’re unsure what to do. I’ve found it helpful to take a brief moment to check in and ask myself a few questions. I can then notice whether I’m due for a little time in the comfort zone or being pulled too deeply into the comfort cave.
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Ask Yourself These Questions
Let’s grab a cup of tea — maybe a journal too — and do a mindful scan of your inner world. While these questions may vary for everyone, feel free to create your own checklist and notice your unique patterns. Here are some general ideas to get you started.
To help slow down and get in touch with your body and emotions, I recommend starting with a few minutes of mindful breathing. Close your eyes and place one hand on your belly, the other on your heart. Focus on the rise and fall of your abdomen. Do this for 10 breaths.
Then, ask yourself:
- Do I feel a sensation of opening and expanding, physically and mentally? Or more of contracting and constricting, like curling into a ball, when I imagine going to the event, meeting the friend, or signing up for the workshop?
- Do I feel heavy and drained by the idea? Like my body is already ready to sleep? Or do I feel a little lift in my step, a flurry of energetic butterflies in my stomach (which might also feel like nerves)?
- Am I feeling guilt (or shame)? Guilt, unchecked, can often coerce you into a decision by disguising itself as a strong, authoritative voice — “This is the right thing to do.” But it may actually be a sign that you’re acting out of obligation or people-pleasing rather than genuine desire. Beware of “shoulds.”
- What needs do I have right now? By becoming aware of your current needs, you honor yourself, like you would a child in your care. This clarity can guide you toward what best meets those needs, whether it’s rest, play, solitude, self-love, intensity, stillness, or something else.
After you’ve made a decision you were unsure about, check in with yourself. Trial and error — whether the decision felt right or wrong — can be a valuable way to learn what works for you. Note how you felt before the event, either in your phone’s Notes app or through mindful reflection. Then, note how you felt afterward. Whether it was relief, excitement, joy, gratitude — or exhaustion, frustration, regret, and so on — compare these feelings. And remember, try to approach this process with non-judgment.
Can Growth Be Found From Your Comfort Zone?
When someone tells me to leave my comfort zone, I can discern whether or not to take that often unsolicited advice. After all, not everyone will understand your unique needs, especially as an introvert in an extrovert-oriented society.
As you may have already experienced, there can be real consequences to your body and mind when you push yourself beyond your limits, particularly when you need more space and alone time to recharge. Your physical and mental health can suffer, and ironically, this can pull you further away from your goals and happiness. Whatever others are doing, or what the outside world expects, is ultimately irrelevant to what makes you feel your best in your own life. So take a deep breath and snuggle in.
On the other hand, you have desires and dreams that may involve some uncomfortable growing pains along the way. The good news is that, as an introvert, you’re pretty skilled at going within. You can gently ask yourself questions and be honest about whether you’re simply retreating into the cave or if your quiet, intuitive voice is telling you to take some alone time. This is an ongoing learning process — it’s okay to make mistakes and occasionally push yourself too far (or not far enough).
So… what if growth can also be found in your comfort zone? Is that such a rebellious idea? Our society tends to be obsessed with outward growth and constant movement, often at all costs. And it only takes one look at the world right now to see the destructive results of that mentality.
The point is, what we feel in our inner world often reflects in the outer one. When you take care of yourself and embrace your comfort zone when needed, don’t underestimate the powerful growth that can occur by choosing… you. By planting a seed of self-love and nourishment, you’re cultivating the groundwork for beautiful creations and manifestations to blossom when the time is right. 
