When someone feels the need to fill the silence with meaningless chatter while avoiding topics that actually matter
If you’re an introvert, you’re probably well aware that we live in an extroverted world. As Susan Cain pointed out in her bestselling book, Quiet, Western culture is shaped by the extrovert ideal — the belief that the “best” person is outgoing, highly sociable, and thrives in the spotlight.
However, introverts make up 30-50 percent of the U.S. population, and many of them find certain “extroverted” behaviors quite annoying. So, I asked the introverts who follow me on Facebook to share which behaviors bother them the most — and here’s what they had to say. The good news? If you can relate, you’re not alone!
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‘Extroverted’ Behaviors That Annoy Introverts
1. Showing up at your desk unannounced with lots of questions
You’re deep in thought, focused on your work, when suddenly — BAM — your chatty coworker appears out of nowhere, bombarding you with questions. While this might annoy anyone, introvert or extrovert, it can feel like a special kind of torture for us “quiet ones.” Why?
For one, introverts tend to focus deeply, so being abruptly pulled away from their task can feel like trying to swim through a lake of peanut butter to get back on track. Once interrupted, it can be difficult to return to their original thoughts. This disorienting experience can be frustrating. Few things frustrate introverts more than being put on the spot and pressured to respond immediately.
As I explain in my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts, introverts may rely more on long-term memory than working memory, meaning they may need extra time to process their thoughts and respond. Extroverts, who tend to think quickly and use working memory, might not understand this difference. It’s no surprise, then, that introverts might find it easier to write their thoughts than to speak them out loud.
2. Loud talking
Sometimes being loud is fun, like when you’re singing along to your favorite playlist or yelling into the void of the universe. But when loudness becomes the default setting at work, home, or school, it can get obnoxious for introverts fast. As the nickname implies, we “quiet ones” don’t thrive on excess stimulation like extroverts do, so when there’s a group of loud talkers, it can quickly become too much. Introverts’ brains are wired to find loud, busy environments draining and overwhelming.
3. Unexpected phone calls
Like a crying baby or barking dog, a ringing phone demands your immediate attention. For introverts, unexpected calls don’t give time to mentally prepare to be “on,” which is crucial for our deep-thinking brains. This is just one reason introverts might hate phone calls. Thankfully, texting has become more common — though we all have that one extroverted friend who hasn’t figured this out yet.
4. Invading your personal space
Some people enjoy getting close — it’s more exciting that way! But for introverts, a lack of personal space, especially in public, can be particularly annoying. No one likes having their personal boundaries disrespected, but for introverts, it can push them over the edge because they may already feel overstimulated just being in public. Imagine someone sitting right next to you on the bus when there are plenty of open seats, or using the treadmill next to yours at the gym when several others are free. Introverts simply value their space and need it to feel comfortable.
5. Intense eye contact
While not true for every introvert (a loving gaze can be a turn-on in the right situation), for some, it’s simply too much. Eye contact can become even more overwhelming when paired with a high-energy personality or in a high-stakes setting, like an interview, a date, or meeting your significant other’s family.
Why? Because introverts are keen observers. They’re often picking up and processing every tiny detail in their environment, including subtle shifts in tone and the smallest facial expressions. Highly sensitive introverts, in particular, often excel at reading body language. As a result, intense eye contact can feel overstimulating. They may struggle to fully process what the other person is saying unless they look away. But with some extroverts, there’s no escaping that zealous gaze!
6. False assumptions about introverts
Despite the progress made by the “introvert positive” movement, some people still see being an introvert as a flaw. They might assume it means you have no friends, you’re shy, or you’re unsociable. You just don’t fit in, like a pepperoni pizza at a vegan party.
The truth is, introverts can be excellent leaders, actors, and even comedians. They enjoy spending time with friends and, like anyone, need meaningful social interaction to thrive. What extroverts need to understand is that introverts are more comfortable socializing when they have some control over the situation. For example, being able to decide when to leave a party, especially when they feel an introvert hangover coming on.
7. Feeling the need to fill the silence with things that don’t matter while avoiding the topics that do
For introverts, few things are more annoying than a constant stream of empty small talk.
8. Gossip
Some people are open books and will talk about anything and everything. These people are probably not introverts. Introverts tend to be more private about personal matters and may feel self-conscious when those details are shared openly. Plus, as mentioned in #7, introverts might feel that gossip falls into the “things that don’t matter” category. Sure, everyone enjoys a juicy tidbit now and then. But when gossip becomes the only topic of conversation, introverts are likely to get annoyed quickly.
9. Monopolizing the conversation
You’ve heard it before: Introverts tend to be good listeners and avoid interrupting others. But that doesn’t mean they don’t want to talk. While we “quiet ones” have passions, beliefs, and opinions — often strongly held — we may not jump into the conversation and force them on others. It’s frustrating when someone dominates the discussion, sharing every thought on their mind without leaving space for others to speak.
10. Drama
Constant drama can be annoying for anyone, but for introverts, with their limited social energy, it can be downright exhausting. This is one reason introverts prefer a small circle of friends over a large network — and why they cherish spending time alone.
11. A “look at me” attitude
Introverts just don’t get it. Why would anyone purposely draw so much attention to themselves??
12. When someone won’t do something on their own
Many introverts have no problem doing things solo, whether it’s running errands, dining out, or even traveling alone. Introverts don’t need others to keep them entertained because they enjoy their own company and have a rich inner world. So, when someone can’t do something on their own and insists you go with them, it can be frustrating for introverts.
13. Not respecting personal conversations
This one is similar to #8. Let’s say you share something personal with someone, assuming it’s just between the two of you — only for them to bring it up at the wrong time, in front of a group of people. Suddenly, everyone’s in your business, and you’ve become the dreaded center of attention. Introverts hate being put on the spot.
14. Assuming that because you have no plans, you’re free to hang out — when in reality, you planned to do nothing
For introverts, doing “nothing” is how they recharge their energy.
15. Spontaneous “let’s hang out” invitations
Similar to #3, last-minute invitations to hang out can be frustrating for introverts because they don’t leave enough time to mentally prepare. Many introverts also set firm boundaries around their time, such as “alone time,” “social time,” and “work time.” A spontaneous gathering can throw off their entire week, leaving them drained from socializing and with little energy for their planned activities (like reading a book or trying a new recipe). This leaves them not only tired but also annoyed at missing out on self-care time.
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16. Constantly asking, “Are you okay?” just because you’re not smiling 100% of the time
Seriously, this is just my face.
17. Constant mindless chatter
So many words. So little meaning.
18. Listening only with the intention of replying…
…rather than truly trying to understand what you’re saying.
19. The assumption that everyone should be an extrovert
What feels like a great party to an extrovert might be an introvert’s worst nightmare. But that doesn’t mean introverts are broken or need fixing. Introverts enjoy life in their own quiet way — and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
What would you add to this list? Let me know in the comments below. 
