These habits may seem impolite, but they’re harmless at heart. Recognizing this could save your friendship with an introvert.
If you’re friends with an introvert, they may have unintentionally offended you once or twice. Try not to take it personally. Introverts can be amazing people who deeply value their friendships, but they also have personality-related quirks that might seem rude. Most of us “quiet ones” would feel terrible if we knew our behavior came across that way, especially to someone we hold dear.
As an introvert, I’m all too aware that my habits can sometimes be misunderstood. Over the years, I’ve noticed a few things that my extroverted friends might find rude — but they’re not meant to be. They’re simply the natural result of being someone who needs alone time to feel like myself.
Here are three introverted habits that may seem impolite on the surface but are actually harmless underneath. Understanding these “quirks” could one day save your friendship with an introvert!
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Introvert Habits That Might Seem Rude
1. They rarely answer your phone calls.
Ah, the sound of a ringing phone — the bane of every introvert’s existence! Even the most pleasant ringtone can feel like an intrusion, disrupting the quiet we cherish. And if the phone is on silent mode, that persistent vibrating in our pockets or on a surface can be enough to send us straight into panic mode.
Extroverts might not understand the absolute terror that flashes through our minds when the phone rings: What?! Someone is calling me? Why? What’s wrong?
If you’re wondering why such thoughts race through anyone’s mind just because their phone starts ringing, let me tell you — logic doesn’t always apply. These days, most people prefer texting over calling, so receiving a phone call can feel like an unexpected disruption, especially for an introvert.
When that phone rings, we often jump to the worst-case scenario: Are they mad at me? Am I in trouble? Is someone hurt? While a text gives us time to process and respond, a call demands immediate attention and doesn’t offer the same space.
Plus, talking on the phone can be just plain awkward! We introverts often do better face-to-face, where we can have the meaningful conversations we prefer. On the phone, we can’t see the other person, and issues like talking over one another can make the experience even more uncomfortable. It turns into a series of awkward exchanges — “Oh, that’s okay — you go ahead,” repeated until one of you finally gives in.
2. They cancel plans — a lot.
I’m guilty of this one.
I’m in two book clubs right now: One is classy because we actually discuss the book, while the other often gets sidetracked. Both groups are wonderful, but there’s one significant difference that consistently makes me want to stay home and skip one over the other: darkness.
I live in Minnesota, where we “enjoy” approximately nine months of winter, and the sun sets at 4 p.m. half of the year. The classy book club meets after dark during these long winters. For introverts, leaving the sanctuary of a cozy home can be excruciating, especially when it involves bundling up in layers of uncomfortable clothing — a thick parka, a blanket-sized scarf, heavy boots, gloves — just to venture out into the cold and socialize.
I mean, that really is asking a lot, even when we genuinely like the people we’re socializing with. (After all, introverts don’t hate people, they hate shallow socializing.) Honestly, if Gerard Butler decided to join this after-dark book club, I would still have to fight my inner introvert.
In my case, I truly enjoy my book club friends, which makes socializing easier at times. But as an introvert, the thought of leaving my comfortable, quiet home to go to someone else’s place and be around people can feel overwhelming.
If your introvert friend makes plans with you and then cancels, try not to take it personally. They likely feel quite guilty about it, but more often than not, their need for solitude and safety will win out over socializing. Give them a rain check — via text message, of course.
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3. They say you don’t count as “people.”
Have you ever had a conversation with your introverted friend where they revealed something big — maybe something that was supposed to be a secret? And when they realized their slip-up, did they quickly brush it off by saying, “Oh, it’s no big deal. You don’t count as people anyway”?
Yeah, I know it sounds odd. But don’t get upset — this is actually a high compliment from an introvert! We would never go around blabbing our deepest secrets and most private thoughts to just anyone. The world at large can be intimidating, harsh, and often exhausting.
Translation: When your introverted friend says you don’t count as “people,” it means they trust you. They like you, they think you’re a good friend, and most importantly, you’re part of their inner circle.
Now, this isn’t to say that all introverts are always kind, and I’m not suggesting you tolerate anyone who doesn’t treat you with respect. But if you’re reading this, you probably already have a sense that the friend who doesn’t answer your phone calls (but texts you back five minutes later), makes plans and then cancels, and occasionally makes you feel like you don’t “count” isn’t being rude — they’re just being an introvert.
Your introverted friend is likely someone who struggles with the strong pull to stay home where it’s warm, cozy, and quiet, and where no phone calls interrupt that peace. 
