When my fiancé got down on one knee last summer, I had no idea the whirlwind of wedding planning that awaited us. Even though we opted for the non-traditional, micro-wedding route (hello Airbnb), the stress of planning any event is enough for me to jet off to an island where decision-making frenzies are thousands of miles away. Instead of booking a couples’ retreat, though, I packed my bags for a solo honeymoon in Hawaii. Yes, you read that correctly. While most couples plan honeymoons together after saying their “I do’s,” I decided this was the perfect opportunity to reconnect with myself before committing to a lifetime with someone else, and my husband—then fiancé—fully supported me.
Sure, the concept of a “solomoon,” aka a solo honeymoon, felt radical at first, but I also knew it would be a refreshing chance to ground myself and evaluate my priorities. “Taking time to go on a solomoon is a wonderful way to set the tone for an interdependent marriage, where both people are prioritizing themselves as individuals,” says Morgan Anderson, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship coach. “Self-care isn’t selfish. When you take time to connect to yourself, you are also doing the right thing for your marriage.”
So, what happened after I deliberately chose to travel sans fiancé a few months before meeting him at the altar? I knew taking a solo honeymoon was going to be fulfilling mentally and emotionally, but my actual experience was transformative in a way I wasn’t expecting, preparing me to show up for my husband and our marriage as the best version of myself.
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Why I went on a solomoon
Bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, babymoons, and traditional honeymoons all celebrate different shared milestones—getting married to your partner, welcoming a new life into the world, and starting a new chapter in a relationship. A solomoon, however, is a unique pre- (or sometimes post-) wedding retreat dedicated solely to yourself. It’s a chance to pause, reflect, and ensure you’re bringing your best self into your new marriage.
“Getting away and experiencing the freedom of traveling solo after declaring your union is a unique and controversial way of celebrating your wedding,” says Doni Belau, travel expert and founder of Girls Guide to the World, an organization that curates group travel trips for women. The controversy here, of course, being that people are often skeptical when they hear someone is going on a solo honeymoon because they feel that traveling without your partner foreshadows problems in your marriage. “However, a pre-wedding solo trip can be a wonderful way to solidify who you are and what you need personally to feel strong and independent while at the same time being part of a unit built on togetherness and compromise,” Belau adds. In fact, a 2023 study1 found that spending time away from your partner helps reduce overall levels of stress, while a 2021 study2 by the same author found that adults who spent time in solitude reported more intrapersonal growth.
“A solomoon helps build a healthy marriage culture because it communicates that your lives as individuals are not ‘ending’ when getting married.” —Dr. Morgan Anderson, a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship coach
“A solomoon helps build a healthy marriage culture because it communicates that your lives as individuals are not ‘ending’ when getting married,” says Anderson. “It is important to realize that in a healthy marriage, both the needs of the individual and the marriage are prioritized.” Of course, solo trips for self-discovery are nothing new. Many travel companies even cater exclusively to solo trips for women, according to Belau. A survey of Gen Z women by StudentUniverse also revealed that over half (58.3 percent) of respondents are keen on traveling abroad alone. Their top reasons? Empowerment and personal growth. Combine that with research showing that building your own happiness leads to more joy in relationships, and I was all in.
What happens on a solo honeymoon?
My solo honeymoon to Hawaii was everything I dreamed a pre-wedding escape would be. While my soon-to-be husband held down the fort back in Colorado, I spent the week indulging in private yoga classes, soaking in hot springs surrounded by greenery, and enjoying blissful afternoons filled with spontaneous adventures and self-reflection. On Lanai, it’s normal to go on a long hike and not run into a single person. One of the smallest of Hawaii’s islands, Lanai is home to only 3,300 residents (compared to its neighbor Maui’s 166,000). Despite being 98 percent owned by a tech billionaire, it’s a place that clings tightly to its virtually untouched way of life. After visiting, I understand why it fights to stay this way.
But my trip didn’t start off completely picturesque. Before I boarded my second flight of the day—a small eight-passenger aircraft from Oahu to Lanai—my heart raced, and the stark reality of being alone hit me hard. Immediately, I was forced to confront my flight anxiety alone. In my opinion, flying is always easier with a companion—someone to watch your luggage while you go to the bathroom, someone to help calm pre-flight jitters. So, at first, I was hesitant to welcome the “alonement,” a term coined by author Francesca Specter as “the state of being alone.” (And the science adds up: an over-active nervous system can dysregulate the body, according to a 2018 study3.) Why couldn’t I just hold my husband’s hand like I normally do on flights?
As the flight prepared for takeoff, I had two options: to run away from the sensation or to feel it. I chose the latter; I remembered my coping skills. “Oh, I get anxious before flying. This isn’t new.” Being alone in new situations has an incredible way of revealing our inner strengths. When things go awry, we can reflect on our resilience; we learn to trust ourselves; we learn we can overcome almost anything. So, after several minutes of coaching myself through the flight, we landed in Lanai and I breathed a sigh of relief, the first of many during my solo honeymoon.
Solo travel: embracing the ultimate form of self-care in Hawaii
Sensei Lānaʻi—one of two Four Seasons resorts on the island—offers all the hallmarks of a luxurious retreat: state-of-the-art spa hales, private onsen gardens for soaking, and even a signature restaurant by Nobu. Honestly, I felt pretty badass being the only person dining at a five-star hotel one night. But the resort’s clientele, myself included, aren’t here for the fluff. We come for individualized coaching as part of an ultra-customized wellness experience.
My fiancé is an avid mountaineer while I’m a slow-flow yoga teacher. On this trip, I took full advantage of the resort’s offerings. It’s not that I didn’t miss him (maybe distance really does make the heart grow fonder); rather, I was using this time to tap into my inner self, to remind myself of who I am. I even worked with a mindset specialist to refine my breathwork technique—inhaling through the nose and exhaling slowly through the mouth, extending the exhale by an extra count or two. “Breathe in for four counts and exhale for six,” my sensei guide, Lydia, instructed me during one of these healing breathwork sessions.
I opened up to Lydia about my stress levels (Why is cutting your guest list so hard?) and health concerns. The next day, I was booked for a private yin yoga class that targets relaxation and digestion. As I settled into child’s pose and felt the soothing touch of my yoga teacher melt away tension in my hips, I couldn’t help but think I had absolutely hacked how to honeymoon alone. I felt centered, relaxed, and in tune with myself in a way I wouldn’t have been able to achieve at home or traveling with someone else.
For the first time, I had fully tapped into a sense of self-reliance. The quiet solitude of the island helped me confront pre-wedding anxieties head-on and develop new coping strategies, like breathwork. I found peace and contentment on my own, which, ironically, made me feel even more prepared for marriage. This solo journey proved that self-care isn’t just about bubble baths—it’s a relationship superpower. As someone with a track record of codependence, this was particularly transformative. By nurturing my own identity, I discovered that I can bring my full, authentic self into our relationship without getting lost in the mix. This newfound clarity has set the stage for a stronger, more fulfilling bond with my partner.
Why you should consider taking yourself on a solo honeymoon
Marriage is a life stage that involves redefining your boundaries as you grow closer to your spouse. I found spending dedicated time alone during the engagement was crucial to reflecting on this transition from singlehood to marriage, and really defining what a union means to me. While it may seem lavish to some, my solo honeymoon trip to Hawaii wasn’t about luxury or distance—though, it’s perfectly fine to treat yourself to an opulent getaway if that’s what’s fulfilling for you. My solomoon was about introspection and connection. It was the independent time and connection to my breath that made all the difference—not the palm trees and salty ocean waves—and you don’t need to travel to a luxe destination to experience that if you’re considering a solo honeymoon.
“When each person intentionally makes time to tune into themselves, it gives the marriage the best chance at thriving.” —Dr. Morgan Anderson, a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship coach
Whether you travel to a remote island, a bustling city, or a quiet retreat, what you take away from the experience is more important than where you are. So, if you’re engaged, newly married, or just need an opportunity to reflect outside of your relationship, consider a little solo travel to ease your mind. It can be difficult to take time away from your partner, especially if you aren’t used to being apart. Although my partner is absolutely my best friend, traveling solo allowed me to reconnect with myself, away from daily distractions and the expectations of others. I learned that personal joy and clarity come from within, not from external experiences. I gained a deeper appreciation for myself and for the kind of partnership, I wanted to build. And the experience as a whole reinforced the idea that happiness in a relationship isn’t just about shared experiences—it’s also crucial to find joy on your own.
The idea of solo travel for your health and the health of your relationship resonates personally with Belau. “Exploring the world and chasing new experiences is part of my DNA, so I need to travel more than [my husband] does,” she shares. Belau also reminisces about how she and her husband would take turns giving each other solo trips while raising their kids, which helped them return home refreshed and excited to reconnect. This balance of independence and togetherness has been essential for keeping their relationship strong and vibrant, she adds.
If you’re still hesitant about a solo honeymoon, Anderson suggests getting to the root of your fears. For those afraid of keeping the connection with their partner alive while they’re apart, Anderson recommends “connection rituals” like nightly FaceTime calls or good morning texts. She also advocates for using this time to explore personal interests. “Imagine visiting a modern art museum that your partner might not enjoy,” says Anderson. “This is your chance to indulge in experiences that truly resonate with you.”
What I learned on my pre-wedding solo honeymoon
A solo honeymoon is an opportunity to miss your partner, rekindle your sense of self, and return to your relationship with a refreshed perspective. Plus, it provides the perfect opportunity to write your vows without distraction, which I definitely took advantage of.
For me, this solo adventure was also a symbolic passage, marking the last time I traveled with my maiden name. It was a final homage to my roots before embracing the new title of “wife.” While a solo trip may seem indulgent, it’s ultimately an investment in your well-being and the health of your future marriage. “Spending time apart before your marriage allows each person to reconnect to themselves and tune into their own needs,” explains Anderson. “When each person intentionally makes time to tune into themselves, it gives the marriage the best chance at thriving.”
Now that I’m home from my solomoon, I feel more ready than ever for this next chapter of my life, decision-making frenzies and all. My husband and I are jetting off to South Africa for our actual honeymoon—a journey I can’t wait to embark on together. In the meantime, I’m reminding myself that these trips are about more than just travel; they’re about creating memories, deepening connections, and laying the foundation for a lifetime of adventures.
Well+Good articles reference scientific, reliable, recent, robust studies to back up the information we share. You can trust us along your wellness journey.
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Weinstein, Netta et al. “Balance between solitude and socializing: everyday solitude time both benefits and harms well-being.” Scientific reports vol. 13,1 21160. 5 Dec. 2023, doi:10.1038/s41598-023-44507-7 -
Weinstein, Netta et al. “What Time Alone Offers: Narratives of Solitude From Adolescence to Older Adulthood.” Frontiers in psychology vol. 12 714518. 1 Nov. 2021, doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.714518 -
Elbers, Jorina et al. “Wired for Threat: Clinical Features of Nervous System Dysregulation in 80 Children.” Pediatric neurology vol. 89 (2018): 39-48. doi:10.1016/j.pediatrneurol.2018.07.007
