Teach your introverted child that it’s perfectly okay to have just a few close friends and enjoy spending time alone.
I have always felt like an outsider. As a child, I would sit anxiously in the corner of the classroom, watching the other kids chat and play. It left me feeling out of place and questioning my worth.
I was the child who needed someone. Someone to reassure me. Someone to tell me it was okay to be who I was. Someone to help me see that I could live a fulfilling, happy, and inspiring life in my own company.
It took years to understand myself: I am an introvert.
Even though the word “introversion” has been around since the early 1900s, most people still don’t fully understand it. Many introverts feel pressure to be more social or outgoing because of society’s expectations.
This underscores the importance of raising an introverted child in a way that encourages self-acceptance. Based on my own experience, here are some mistakes to avoid if you’re raising an introvert.
You can thrive as an introvert or a sensitive person in a loud world. Subscribe to our newsletter. Once a week, you’ll get empowering tips and insights in your inbox. Click here to subscribe.
9 Mistakes Parents Make With Their Introverted Children
1. Introducing them as “quiet” or “shy”
Calling kids “quiet” or “shy” can significantly affect how they see themselves. Even though those words might seem harmless, they can lower their confidence and add to feelings of social anxiety. I know this firsthand — my anxiety held me back for years in situations like dates and job interviews.
Children often internalize their parents’ perceptions of them from a young age. That’s why it’s so important to accept your child as they are. If someone comments on your daughter’s quietness, you could say, “She speaks when she feels like it.” This response avoids making a big deal of her silence, and she’ll take note of that.
2. Comparing them to extroverts
Comparing your child to others — whether it’s siblings or peers — is always a mistake. This can harm their self-esteem and sense of identity. Remember, no two children are alike, especially when your child is an introvert surrounded by extroverts.
Growing up, I often felt inferior when my parents compared me to my confident, extroverted sister. Even though it was unintentional, the hurtful impact remained, as I felt pressured to be more like her.
As a parent, it’s crucial to understand and appreciate your introverted child without comparing them to extroverts. Your child doesn’t need to be like Jack or anyone else; they are perfect just as they are.
3. Shaming them and making them feel inferior for being “different”
Shaming a child for being “different” — whether they’re introverted, extroverted, neurodivergent, or otherwise — is one of the worst mistakes a parent can make. Your introverted child might not be the most outgoing or popular at school, but that’s perfectly okay.
Sadly, I’ve seen parents publicly mock their children, saying things like, “Stop being so antisocial,” or “Why do you stay home all the time instead of going out like other kids?” The child might laugh it off or show no reaction, but such remarks can leave lasting scars. As pediatrician Dr. Claire McCarthy explains, “When the people you love the most, and whose opinion matters most, say bad things about you, it can be more than hurtful — it can affect your self-esteem in ways that can become ingrained and permanent.”
Instead of shaming or embarrassing your introverted child, practice empathy. Understand that their personality might be different from yours or other children’s, and recognize that this is perfectly normal and acceptable.
4. Not understanding introversion
Even if you think you know your child well, you might not fully understand what it means to be an introvert. An introvert’s mind is wired differently, and their behavior might seem unfamiliar to you at times. For instance, while you may enjoy having friends over every weekend, your child might prefer staying in their room, engaged in solitary activities like reading or playing video games. (You can read about the science behind why introverts love alone time here.)
My advice is to educate yourself about introversion. Take the time to understand your child’s unique strengths and focus on those instead of what you might see as weaknesses, like not wanting to socialize as much. The more supportive you are, the more they’ll thrive and feel comfortable being themselves. (On that note, here’s how you can help introverted kids feel more comfortable in their own skin.)
5. Not teaching them what it means to be an introvert
Help your child understand their introverted nature. Teach them that it’s okay to need alone time after a busy day at school or following a social event like a birthday party. Help them recognize signs of tiredness and overwhelm, and guide them on how to manage these feelings. Don’t leave them to navigate these challenges alone.
Also, show them how they can maximize their potential. Highlight their strengths, such as their exceptional focus and ability to complete tasks, their natural listening skills, their creativity, and their contentment with solo activities and self-entertainment.
6. Not encouraging their creativity
Many introverts are highly sensitive people who experience deep emotions and are often naturally creative. So if your introverted child prefers to spend the weekend painting, mixing music, or writing short stories, encourage these activities. Forcing them to be more social can have negative effects, such as stifling their creativity, increasing stress or anxiety, and making them feel misunderstood or pressured. Instead, consider joining them in their creative pursuits (unless they prefer to be alone).
7. Forcing them to be more social
It’s natural for a parent to want their child to have friends, be social, and join group activities like sports teams and clubs. However, for an introverted child, these things may be challenging because large groups can feel overwhelming.
While you should encourage them, avoid forcing them. Don’t say things like, “Why can’t you make friends?” or “You have to join the baseball team.” Instead, introduce them to activities that might suit them better, like swimming or tennis. These sports can be more enjoyable for kids who prefer doing things on their own or in smaller groups. Show them how fun and rewarding these activities can be, without putting too much emphasis on competition.
This approach respects your introverted child’s comfort zone. Remember, when it comes to friendships, quality matters more than quantity. If they have one or two close friends, that’s perfectly fine. You can suggest having a friend over for a playdate or dinner, but don’t pressure them to make more friends if they’re not interested.
8. Not spending enough one-on-one with them
Life gets busier for parents after having kids, with more responsibilities and less time for yourself. But it’s important to make time for quality moments with your children, as their well-being depends on it.
This doesn’t mean you need to be with them constantly. Your introverted child likely enjoys having plenty of alone time. But when you are with them, make sure you are fully present.
Show curiosity about their interests. Accept, encourage, and embrace what they enjoy. Be a great listener, just as they often are. Encourage meaningful conversations by asking open-ended questions like, “What was the most interesting part of your book?” or “How did you solve that level in your game?” While introverts may shy away from small talk, they often enjoy deeper conversations about topics they’re passionate about.
Want to feel more at ease in social situations?
Discover the secrets to enjoying fun, meaningful conversations. Know exactly what to say, even if you’re introverted, shy, or anxious. Feel less drained and have more energy while socializing. Click here to secure your spot in Jenn Granneman’s upcoming course, Easy Conversation.
9. Being overprotective
Balance is key in everything. It’s important to respect your child’s needs, like when they feel tired or overwhelmed in social situations and want to go home. But it’s equally important not to be overprotective.
Some well-meaning parents create a protective shield around their child. However, it’s essential to lower that shield at times and allow your child to face their own challenges. Practice this by letting your child decide when they’re ready to leave a situation, rather than assuming they want to go as soon as the room gets crowded.
In the same way, let them decide if they want to join group activities, instead of saying no for them because you think they wouldn’t want to. This helps them make their own choices and figure out what feels comfortable for them. In the end, this will give them the tools they need to thrive as adults, because they’ll learn to understand their needs and set their own boundaries. 
