Both introverts and cats can take their time forming bonds with others, which can make us seem aloof to strangers.
On a recent visit home, I met someone. She was soft, affectionate, and always up for a good cuddle. She was an outdoor cat — a green-eyed beauty. We clicked almost immediately, and whenever I returned, she’d hop out of the brush or dash out from under the porch to greet me. She’d look up at me with her gorgeous eyes as if to say, “Pet me. I love you.”
I love cats, but due to my nomadic lifestyle, I haven’t been able to have one of my own in recent years. Nevertheless, spending time with my new friend, I couldn’t help but draw some comparisons between myself, an introvert, and the felines who live among us. Of course, not all introverts — or cats — are exactly alike, but the similarities are striking.
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How Introverts and Cats Are Exactly the Same
1. We’re choosy yet obsessively loyal creatures.
Both introverts and cats can take a long time to form a bond with others, making us appear aloof to strangers. But once someone makes us feel seen — someone who passes the “you’re actually kind of OK” test — this rare person automatically levels up to VIP in our world.
This makes us want to cuddle up on their figurative (or literal) lap and engage in hours of deep, meaningful conversation about anything and everything, from our private inner thoughts to the world’s great mysteries. Acquaintances and small talk be damned. We’ve found a person who makes us purr, rather than prompting us to slink off for a nap or disappear into a daydream.
In the full bloom of a new connection, whether platonic or intimate, we introverts feel warm, fuzzy, and, in a rare turn of events, understood. We want to share the parts of ourselves we rarely reveal and, in turn, learn as much as we can about the other person’s inner world too.
This special connection doesn’t happen often, so when it does, it’s a big deal. We’ll protect this relationship fiercely. Both introverts (and cats) may not have many friendships or relationships, but when we do choose you, we’re usually loyal as hell.
2. We communicate nonverbally.
It’s no secret that many introverts feel they communicate better in writing than in conversation. If you’re like me, you easily get flustered when trying to explain the multitude of thoughts churning in your mind. Nothing ever comes out quite as eloquently as it sounded in your head. This struggle can be embarrassing, and it has to do with our introverted tendency to favor long-term memory over active memory.
This challenge becomes even more apparent when we introverts like someone and want them in our lives. We might become awkward trying to express our feelings out loud using words. I mean, it’s not easy for anyone to put themselves out there with an “I love you,” “I have a crush on you,” or even just a “Want to hang out?” For private and reserved introverts, these scenarios can be even more anxiety-provoking and tongue-tying.
That’s why, when we like you, we might not say it straight out. Instead, watch for nonverbal communication. If we’re making a conscious effort to spend time with you, know that we value you quite a bit.
Because, if I’m being honest, we introverts are totally fine on our own for the most part. So when we leave our introvert bubble and open ourselves up to you, it means we trust you and enjoy your company in a big way. Just like a cat jumping onto your lap, rubbing their head on your leg, or circling around your feet, we’re trying to tell you that we think you’re good people.
And just like a cat, once you’re in our inner circle, we’d like you to give us all the snuggles and your undivided attention — constantly, please. Okay, not constantly. We are introverts, after all, and even though we like you, we still need our alone time.
(Speaking of alone time, here’s the science behind why introverts need healthy solitude.)
3. We’re relational, yet we need our space.
Cats are fascinating. They seek affection from us — their humans — by jumping on our computer keyboards when we’re trying to work or winding themselves around our legs. Yet, they also unapologetically do their own thing. If a cat isn’t in the mood for company, it will simply find a quiet, secluded spot to inhabit (and you’ll never hear it apologize for preferring time alone).
Similarly, introverts can be hot and cold, on or off in their relationships, and yes, this aspect of our behavior can be confusing to others. I often find these two facets of my personality at odds with each other. On the one hand, I crave meaningful relationships and find myself longing for them when they prove elusive. On the other hand, I need lots of alone time to replenish my energy and function at my best. It’s during solitude that I find my grounding and reconnect with myself. Ironically, my solitude is the very thing that allows me to find meaning in my relationships; it gives me the energy to truly show up for others.
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4. Cozy is our default mode.
Last but not least — and this is a big one — both introverts and cats are creatures of comfort. We like stretching and naps. Like, a lot. We burrow into our favorite nooks and take immense pleasure in spending a few hours in a state of rest. We have a quiet and calm energy, as opposed to the extroverted go-go-go mentality. (You know how dogs greet everyone they see? That’s definitely not us.) We love ritual and routine, and if something changes unexpectedly, we might hide and hiss (inwardly) until we adjust.
This isn’t to say, however, that we don’t experience bursts of motivation and tear off toward unseen prey. Like cats, we’re innately curious and motivated to investigate and find meaning in our surroundings.
But if we’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, our best bet is to find a comfy place to chill, away from the hustle and bustle of the world. If you don’t see or hear from us for a while, we’re probably recharging, gathering our energy in stillness, waiting for the next big “hunt.”
Without fail, we’ll reappear like we never left and proposition you for some quality time once again. In fact, one of our favorite things is cultivating relationships with people who bring out our adventurous side but are also down to just chill and appreciate our slower-paced approach to life.
Perhaps these similarities are what make cats such good companions for introverts. Sadly, I’ve had to part ways with my green-eyed sweetheart for now, but I know that even as we’re doing our own thing, our bond will be ready for renewal when the time is right. 
